Larry Kart is Back

[Stompin at the Savoy]

Welcome back, Larry!

[Larry Kart]

23 hours ago, Brad said:

Hope you’re getting better. Sounds like someone placed you in a facility against your will. 

My wife. It  is a long crazy misterioius story to which I may never know all the answers.

[Michael]

Good to see you again, Larry.  Hope everything goes well for you in the future.   

[Kevin Bresnahan]

Good to hear from you Larry. Sorry to hear of your unfortunate visit to an assisted living facility. Some are better than others but it's hard not to feel like a prisoner at times. I hope you can avoid having to go back in the future.

[Brad]

23 hours ago, Larry Kart said:

My wife. It  is a long crazy misterioius story to which I may never know all the answers.

I echo Kevin’s sentiments Larry. Hope you never have to go back there. 

[Big Beat Steve]

This sounds really creepy. I've witnessed a coupe of cases of people moving into assisted care homes in my parents' generation (under vastly varying circumstances) in past years so I guess anything can happen. But luckily I've never heard of such enforced cases. Keeping my fingers crossed now that everything works out perfectly well for you from now on.

[soulpope]

3 minutes ago, Big Beat Steve said:

This sounds really creepy. I've witnessed a coupe of cases of people moving into assisted care homes in my parents' generation (under vastly varying circumstances) in past years so I guess anything can happen. But luckily I've never heard of such enforced cases. Keeping my fingers crossed now that everything works out perfectly well for you from now on.

Enforced cases (often pursued from own kids) happen recurringly nowadays .... in some of the cases children (=adults) simply don't want to oblige taking care for their parent(s) .... a (negative) social development ....

[Kevin Bresnahan]

4 hours ago, soulpope said:

Enforced cases (often pursued from own kids) happen recurringly nowadays .... in some of the cases children (=adults) simply don't want to oblige taking care for their parent(s) .... a (negative) social development ....

We're venturing away from Larry's situation here, as he was committed to a facility by his wife.

 

But I do want to comment about the adult children of an elderly parent... I think it's far more complicated than the children simply not wanting to take care of their parents. Many times (most times?), they simply can't give their parents what they need.

When my mother started falling and breaking bones, she kept insisting on moving back into her home, where she was alone. Her doctors did not want to release her into her own care, sending her to rehab hospitals several times. She insisted she was fine at home alone.

My mother needed someone with her 24/7. She needed help going to the bathroom. She needed help cooking meals without burning down the house (she set the stove on fire once). She needed help taking her meds. She needed help going to her multiple doctor visits. But her children all had jobs/lives and there was no way we could do this for her. Take it from me, being her son made it extremely uncomfortable helping her go to the bathroom. You know how hard it is to help someone in the bathroom with your eyes closed? On top of that, me & my brother were with her one night when she fell & we had a tough time picking her up. Dead lifting a 180 pound woman without injuring her is tough for a couple of 60+ guys. I almost blew my back out & she still had large bruises from it.

Mom continued to refuse to leave her home until she fell, split her knee open and almost fell down a flight of stairs to her death. Her 4 children were incredibly relieved when she agreed to move into a retirement facility, at first to an apartment which eventually progressed into an assisted-living room. She actually enjoyed the first two years in her apartment before she had to move into an assisted living facility, as she had a lot of friends there and the food was great.

None of  us were happy that it happened this way but it really was the best for her. I'm pretty sure she would have died several years earlier if she had stayed at home alone or if she moved into one of her childrens' homes, where she would have been alone for most of the day as we all worked.

The saddest thing about my mother's situation was that the assisted-living part happened during COVID when many of these facilities were very very understaffed and her quality of care suffered dramatically.

[Big Beat Steve]

1 hour ago, bresna said:

We're venturing away from Larry's situation here, as he was committed to a facility by his wife.

 

But I do want to comment about the adult children of an elderly parent... I think it's far more complicated than the children simply not wanting to take care of their parents. Many times (most times?), they simply can't give their parents what they need.

When my mother started falling and breaking bones, she kept insisting on moving back into her home, where she was alone. Her doctors did not want to release her into her own care, sending her to rehab hospitals several times. She insisted she was fine at home alone.
...

Perfectly true. Not that enforced commitments to care homes do not happen, but in most cases it really is as you say, and then you can only count on the cooperation of the elderly concerned ...
I witnessed a similar case with my father-in-law in 2018 (then aged 79). After he had caused two not so minor car accidents in totally uneventful traffic situations his children (my wife and my brother-in-law) urged him to undergo medical exmainations - and sure enough, dementia had set in. So action was required (particularly because there was a medical history in the family). Thankfully he immediately agreed to move into an assisted living facility (for his own good ...). But of course there are plenty of cases where the persons concerned balk in such situations, and then things get awkward and more or less impossible to handle. (This would have been true in "our" case too because his kids - who have their own fulltime jobs -  lived about 300 miles from his town, and he did not wish to move from his town either.)

So it is good to see that things in the case of Larry Kart seem to have straightened out for him now, whatever the story behind it all may have been ...

[jazzbo]

I understand what Kevin is saying completely. I was a caregiver for my parents over two years and was retired and living a five minute walk away (after moving from my own life of 32 years 1400 miles away to do so). It was a full time job with overtime (no pay) and took a toll on me. Eventually my remaining parent needed to be in assisted living due to more medically focused care than I was trained to provide--and luckily he thrived there, even returned to his ministry part-time with vigor, and spent seven great years there (til Covid came along, another story, to dampen his final two). 

As the eldest and retired I was able to do a lot for them at a critical time. But if I were still in the working world. . . I'm certain my parents would have been in an assisted living facility sooner, and my poor mother, crippled mentally by dementia, would have been far less comfortable than in her own home to the end as with my help she was able to be.

 

[rostasi]

Yes, I had to deal with caregiving concerns
for a mother-in-law for twelve years and agree
with a lot of what is being said here … and, yes, 
it’s nice to kind of have Larry back, but it’s also
important to remember that we’re only getting
one side of the story here (somewhat) so I think
we should just stay low and welcome him back
and look forward to whatever music related
discussion he wants to become involved in
and pretty much keep it at that.

[jazzbo]

Absolutely. I'm so glad Larry is back.

[AllenLowe]

I spoke to Larry a few times during his involuntary exile.  Bad situation, hopefully better now.

[Rooster_Ties]

30 minutes ago, AllenLowe said:

I spoke to Larry a few times during his involuntary exile.  Bad situation, hopefully better now.

Appreciate this second-person (i.e. fairly direct) insight, Allen — but I also appreciate your abbreviated level of detail — which seems wholly appropriate in a public forum.

(Enough for folks to get a sense of the situation, without getting too far into personal details.)

Thank you, Allen.

[sgcim]

47 minutes ago, AllenLowe said:

I spoke to Larry a few times during his involuntary exile.  Bad situation, hopefully better now.

Hey Allen, great tenor playing at Small's! What a band. Aaron Johnson's last solo on alto was as close to perfection as anyone's going to get. He played incredible clarinet, too!

[AllenLowe]

24 minutes ago, Rooster_Ties said:

Appreciate this second-person (i.e. fairly direct) insight, Allen — but I also appreciate your abbreviated level of detail — which seems wholly appropriate in a public forum.

(Enough for folks to get a sense of the situation, without getting too far into personal details.)

Thank you, Allen.

thanks; knowing Larry is an absolute privilege. He is one of the best writers on music I have ever read. Glad his situation is stabilized.

8 minutes ago, sgcim said:

Hey Allen, great tenor playing at Small's! What a band. Aaron Johnson's last solo on alto was as close to perfection as anyone's going to get. He played incredible clarinet, too!

oh thanks; yeah, Aaron is frightening in his level of expression. People know of him, but not enough  know how brilliant he is on every level.

[sgcim]

7 minutes ago, AllenLowe said:

thanks; knowing Larry is an absolute privilege. He is one of the best writers on music I have ever read. Glad his situation is stabilized.

oh thanks; yeah, Aaron is frightening in his level of expression. People know of him, but not enough  know how brilliant he is on every level.

I read about his "meeting" with Bird in the after life. I'm glad Bird is so well dressed over there...

[gvopedz]

There are assisted living facilities that would let (even encourage) a resident who is a writer on music to continue writing about music.  

[John L]

It is great to have Larry back at Organissimo!   Welcome back, Larry!

 

[OliverM]

Welcome back! Always appreciated Mr Kart’s writing and music recommendations.

[Larry Kart]

On 1/24/2024 at 10:28 AM, rostasi said:

Yes, I had to deal with caregiving concerns
for a mother-in-law for twelve years and agree
with a lot of what is being said here … and, yes, 
it’s nice to kind of have Larry back, but it’s also
important to remember that we’re only getting
one side of the story here (somewhat) so I think
we should just stay low and welcome him back
and look forward to whatever music related
discussion he wants to become involved in
and pretty much keep it at that.

 

To be more specific, my wife lied to get me  in there. She told me thart her sister was having surgery in NYC (she wasn'O) and the she had to go there to take care od her (she didn't go). Then she SAID THT she couldn't leave met at home with ac

.......acarergiver, tookmeto amnassissred living joint without any discussion with me. used hgerpowwr of 

[Larry Kart]

attorney for healthcare tosign  me in there and there I remained for six months until I could scar
drooler in wheelchairs re a lawyer to spring me out. 

it wasn't easy. I had been dignosed with a mild form of dementia, BUT IN THt joint I learned what dementia was reLLY LIKE.droolers sin wheelechairs and guys ahouting obscenitiea.s  As several members of the staff said t0 me, "Larry, why are you here?" 

but with THt power oF thorny in force, I couldnt get out until it was finally revoked.
 

Sorry, my typing skills have yet to recovery.

[Stompin at the Savoy]

Whoa, sounds awful! 😲 Glad you got out.

[John L]

I wish you the very best with all your struggles, Larry.  

Edited February 4 by John L

[rostasi]

In what little info I’m seeing here
(and again that it’s one side only),
it appears that you may have been
sent to a “memory care” facility rather
than what you may have actually needed
which was an “assisted living” facility.
Anyway, just guessing, but take it easy
and we’ll be here for you when you’re up
to regular posting again.