Ken Dryden Posted March 11, 2022 Report Share Posted March 11, 2022 You must be a redneck if you’ve ever been too drunk to fish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2022 I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 11, 2022 Report Share Posted March 11, 2022 2 hours ago, GA Russell said: I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying. You need to document that shit then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 13, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2022 I just did my taxes, and I'm getting back $150,000. And people say you can't do your own taxes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted March 13, 2022 Report Share Posted March 13, 2022 This time tomorrow, it won’t be this time tomorrow. (Maybe only those of us here in the US who see this before tomorrow will get it.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 14, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain, and have bought jewelry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 14, 2022 Report Share Posted March 14, 2022 Rita Rudner again! 23 hours ago, Rooster_Ties said: This time tomorrow, it won’t be this time tomorrow. Dammit, every time I look for this time tomorrow, it's just today. Got any tips? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 15, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2022 Sage advice: I always find money in pay phones. If I bring a screwdriver. (There's an oldie!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 15, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2022 Remember Slinky? Minutes of fun. Unfortunately, I grew up living in a one-story house. (I gave my four-year-old nephew a Slinky for Christmas!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 17, 2022 Report Share Posted March 17, 2022 At the Jazz Journalist Awards show one year, Soupy Sales was a guest host. He said he was in a self-help group, “Sex Without Partners.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medjuck Posted March 17, 2022 Report Share Posted March 17, 2022 1 minute ago, Ken Dryden said: At the Jazz Journalist Awards show one year, Soupy Sales was a guest host. He said he was in a self-help group, “Sex Without Partners.” IIRC (and I often don't) the only known footage of Brownie is from the Soupy Sales show. Perhaps that's why they invited him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillF Posted March 17, 2022 Report Share Posted March 17, 2022 Several members of the Les Brown band were in a restaurant sometime around 1948. One of them asked the waitress for the cherry pie on the menu. She said, "I'm sorry, it's gone." "Crazy," he said, "bring me two pieces." (From Gene Lees, "The Mask: Shorty Pederstein") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 17, 2022 Report Share Posted March 17, 2022 That reminds me of a joke about a woman in an ice cream shop that will be appreciated by anyone who has ever worked in retail. i used to joke that people didn’t or wouldn’t read signs unless they contained one of three words: Free, nude or sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 17, 2022 Report Share Posted March 17, 2022 ....looks like you blew a seal. That's ice cream, I swear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 18, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2022 (edited) They say that women love a man in uniform. It's true. The uniform sends the message that he has a job. Edited March 18, 2022 by GA Russell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 18, 2022 Report Share Posted March 18, 2022 (edited) My older cousin served three years in the Army during the Vietnam war. He described a situation in boot camp where the drill sargeant was harassing the men excessively. He got into one soldier's face and said with a grin, "I bet you'd like to piss on my grave." The recruit responded, "No sir! After I get out of the Army, I'm never standing in line for anything!" Patient to psychiatrist: "My doctor sent me to see you, he thinks I have kleptomania." Psychiatrist to patient: "What are you taking for it?" Edited March 18, 2022 by Ken Dryden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillF Posted March 18, 2022 Report Share Posted March 18, 2022 9 hours ago, Ken Dryden said: That reminds me of a joke about a woman in an ice cream shop that will be appreciated by anyone who has ever worked in retail. i used to joke that people didn’t or wouldn’t read signs unless they contained one of three words: Free, nude or sex. Reminds me that in this country in the1960s it was said that for big sales a newspaper headline had to mention nudity, hippies, religion, drugs and sex and that the ultimate headline was Nude Hippies in Church Drugs Orgy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 18, 2022 Report Share Posted March 18, 2022 10 hours ago, Ken Dryden said: My older cousin served three years in the Army during the Vietnam war. He described a situation in boot camp where the drill sargeant was harassing the men excessively. He got into one soldier's face as said with a grin, "I bet you'd like to piss on my grave." The recruit responded, "No sir! After I get out of the Army, I'm never standing in line for anything!" That's a good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 18, 2022 Report Share Posted March 18, 2022 5 hours ago, BillF said: Reminds me that in this country in the1960s it was said that for big sales a newspaper headline had to mention nudity, hippies, religion, drugs and sex and that the ultimate headline was Nude Hippies in Church Drugs Orgy. 😆 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2022 For Christmas I got a vacuum cleaner. I was drunk when I assembled it. Now it's an indoor leaf blower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2022 I hear voices in my head. I don't worry about it because that's where my ears are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 20, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2022 Wives are people who think that it's against the law to not answer the phone when it rings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 21, 2022 Report Share Posted March 21, 2022 Rita Rudner loves you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 21, 2022 Report Share Posted March 21, 2022 My wife's spending iso much that I'm able to itemize the sales tax paid last year to save on income tax. Hope she doesn't get the idea that it is even better to save more by spending even more in 2022. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 21, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2022 You know you are getting fat when you get in the bathtub, and the water rises in the toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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