Joke of the Day

[Ken Dryden]

The problem with political jokes is that all too often, they get elected.

 

[GA Russell]

I go running when I have to. 

When the ice cream truck is doing forty.

[jcam_44]

11 hours ago, Ken Dryden said:

The problem with political jokes is that all too often, they get elected.

 

Haha

[JSngry]

 

[GA Russell]

I finally have a dental plan. 

I chew on the other side.

 

[JSngry]

The women of comedy are coming on strong here lately!

 

[GA Russell]

Should I know who the last two are?

[JSngry]

It's their jokes!

Google a joke and often enough you can find it's source. Maybe not who actually wrote it, but that's another story, sometimes...

Wendy Liebman has been around a whole. Janine DiTullio had too, but an old guy like me wouldn't know that, maybe? At some point... can't, so don't.

Anyway, comedy has been a hobby of mine for a while now, so I like knowing whose work it is.

[Ken Dryden]

Not sure which jokes you attribute to these women.

 

[JSngry]

https://quotefancy.com/quote/1297296/Wendy-Liebman-I-go-running-when-I-have-to-When-the-ice-cream-truck-is-doing-sixty

https://www.just-one-liners.com/i-finally-have-a-dental-plan-i-chew-on-the-other-side/

Just Google the joke.

 

[GA Russell]

I come from a small town whose population never changes.

Each time a woman gets pregnant, someone leaves town.

[GA Russell]

I like to watch TV with my neighbors. 

They have cable and a big screen TV, and I have binoculars.

[Ken Dryden]

On 3/5/2022 at 4:20 PM, GA Russell said:

I like to watch TV with my neighbors. 

They have cable and a big screen TV, and I have binoculars.

You must be a lipreader, or they play the TV very loud and your homes are very close...

The meanest man in a town died. The family was unable to get any pastor to speak at the funeral service, so they finally asked the rabbi, who agreed to do it. He began his eulogy with, "His brother was worse..."

True story: There was a hated Hollywood mogul who died (Louis Mayer?) and there was a large turnout for his funeral. One person who attended said, "Everyone wanted to make sure that he was dead." Red Skelton had an idea about what caused the large crowd for the service: "You know the old Hollywood axiom: Give the people what they want and they'll turn out!"

 

Edited March 6, 2022 by Ken Dryden

[GA Russell]

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.  

This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

[GA Russell]

I lost my job at a cemetery because I used to practice ventriloquism at the funerals.

[JSngry]

11 hours ago, GA Russell said:

I lost my job at a cemetery because I used to practice ventriloquism at the funerals.

That's funny!

[Ken Dryden]

Morticians' mottos:

"All men are cremated equal."

"We're the last ones to let you down."

 

Obstetricians' mottos:

"Always at your cervix."

"We deliver."

[GA Russell]

Models have such skinny bodies, their heads look big.  

The high fashion look they're going for is the Pez dispenser.

[JSngry]

[GA Russell]

Have you ever noticed that if you leave laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

[JSngry]

Elayne Booster lives!

[Ken Dryden]

On 3/8/2022 at 6:20 PM, GA Russell said:

Models have such skinny bodies, their heads look big.  

The high fashion look they're going for is the Pez dispenser.

😆

[GA Russell]

You don't have to be in shape to bowl. 

It's the only sport where you signal for a cocktail waitress.

[JSngry]

Robin Roberts (the sportscaster, I presume? But maybe the pitcher?)

[Ken Dryden]

You must be a redneck if you’ve ever been too drunk to fish.