GA Russell Posted February 10, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 A poll showed that two out of five men would rather have love than money or health. Yeah, that's what a woman wants. A broke sick guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 10, 2022 Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 16 minutes ago, GA Russell said: A poll showed that two out of five men would rather have love than money or health. Yeah, that's what a woman wants. A broke sick guy. If 40% of the women want 40% of the men, it should work out, right? But things never work out like that, do they... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2022 All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2022 They say marriages are made in heaven. So are thunder and lightning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 13, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2022 I saw on this nature show on TV how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 14, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2022 The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 16, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2022 My neighbors love me for playing the piano. They break my window to hear me better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 17, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2022 (edited) A recent police study showed that you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Edited February 17, 2022 by GA Russell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2022 A hooker told me she would do anything for $50. I said, "Paint my house." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted February 19, 2022 Report Share Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) True story: I used to go to Weight Watchers, but I quit a short time before they closed that location. It was replaced by the Gastric Bypass Institute and French doors were added. Warden to prisoner in the electric chair: "Do you have any last requests?" Prisoner: "Yeah, hold my hand." _______ A prisoner is being led from a fort for a couple of miles in a driving rainstorm over rocky ground with fallen timber. The prisoner is complaining to one of the soldiers, "You are terrible brutes marching me so far through this forest in this weather just to shoot me." The soldier replies, "What are you complaining about? We have to march back in these conditions." Edited February 21, 2022 by Ken Dryden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 19, 2022 Report Share Posted February 19, 2022 51 minutes ago, GA Russell said: A hooker told me she would do anything for $50. I said, "Paint my house." If that includes paint, that's a good deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 20, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2022 Maybe just once someone will call me "sir" without adding "you're making a scene." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 21, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2022 In this country, you're guilty until proven wealthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 22, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2022 Having children gives your life purpose. Right now, my purpose is to get some sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 24, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 When a cop arrests a mime, does he tell him he has the right to remain silent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 39 minutes ago, GA Russell said: When a cop arrests a mime, does he tell him he has the right to remain silent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 25, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2022 I wouldn't mind paying taxes, if I knew they were going to a friendly country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 25, 2022 Report Share Posted February 25, 2022 Dick Gregory in the house! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 26, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2022 I went on a date recently, and I took her horseback riding. That was kind of fun until I ran out of quarters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 26, 2022 Report Share Posted February 26, 2022 https://www.thepinehillranch.com/horsing-around-a-fun-date-night-idea/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted February 27, 2022 Report Share Posted February 27, 2022 Artist to female model: Shall I paint you in the nude? Model: No, I insist that you wear your smock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 28, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 When I was a boy I only had two friends, and they were imaginary. And they would only play with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 28, 2022 Report Share Posted February 28, 2022 Rita Rudner has skills! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 1, 2022 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2022 Did you hear about the Newfie who was killed while ice fishing? He got run over by the zamboni. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted March 2, 2022 Report Share Posted March 2, 2022 Judge: Have you been up before me? Prisoner: I don’t know, what time do you get up? Woman to her husband’s psychiatrist: My husband thinks he’s a refrigerator. Doctor: You shouldn’t worry, that seems harmless. Woman: But he sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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