Joke of the Day

[JSngry]

Or, like, Microsoft is overwhelmingly male-gay.

I mean, there's a lot of ways to read it. Humor is highly subjective.

[Ken Dryden]

You heard as a student about Paul Revere's ride...

He rode his horse to the first house and a woman appeared at the window. He shouted, "Is your husband at home?"

She replied, "Yes."

"Tell him the British are coming!"

This happened at several more houses, until one woman answered, "No."

Revere said, "Whoa!"

 

[JSngry]

Imagine his surprise when Mark Lindsay came to the door!

[Ken Dryden]

A history professor told that joke for years. One female student didn’t get the joke but knew that Paul Revere was detained by the British before the night was over and she shouted out, “Dr. Esthus, did you know he didn’t go all the way?” That anecdote got a good laugh every time he shared it.

Edited January 19, 2022 by Ken Dryden

[JSngry]

He was hungry for the good things, that Paul Revere was.

 

[GA Russell]

Grandmother used to take my mom to the circus to see the fat lady and the tattooed man.

Now they're everywhere.

[GA Russell]

Atlas has a great reputation, but I would like to see him carry a mattress upstairs.

[GA Russell]

I'm looking for a cologne that will overpower women. 

I'm sick of karate.

[JSngry]

3 minutes ago, GA Russell said:

I'm looking for a cologne that will overpower women. 

I'm sick of karate.

[sidewinder]

Ronnie Scott from stage of the club - ‘It’s the first time I’ve seen dead people smoke’.

Very true !

[BillF]

Ronnie to drunk female heckler: "Lady, you sound like you're talking under water."

[sidewinder]

‘Martin is our Maitre d’ - that’s French for “moron” ‘.

’Joe Henderson is in the Club next week (collective gasp round the room)...... Joe ‘piano’ Henderson’

[GA Russell]

On 1/21/2022 at 11:53 AM, JSngry said:

Jim, that was my first thought as well!

*****

Why do they have the back pain medicine on the bottom shelf?

[GA Russell]

The day I start cleaning my house will be the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

[GA Russell]

I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.

He said he wanted more proof.

[GA Russell]

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

[Tom in RI]

What happens to duck when it flies upside down?

 

It quacks up….

[GA Russell]

I don't consider myself bald.  I'm simply taller than my hair.

[Bill Nelson]

"My bald spot is actually a solar panel for a sex machine."  

 

[mjazzg]

A man driving down a country lane who runs over a cockerel.

he goes to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.

A woman opens it and he says: “I appear to have killed your cockerel. I’d like to replace him.’

She replies: “Please yourself, the hens are round the back.”’

RIP Barry Cryer, comedy genius

[GA Russell]

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

Then I realized who was telling me this.

[GA Russell]

Stanford University has developed a drug to cure compulsive shoppers.

No matter what you buy, it makes your rear end look big.

[JSngry]

21 minutes ago, GA Russell said:

Stanford University has developed a drug to cure compulsive shoppers.

No matter what you buy, it makes your rear end look big.

for some reason, the reminds me of the joke about the birth control pill for men, you put a rock in your shoe and it makes you limp.

The classics never go out of style, funny or not

[BillF]

A skeleton goes into a pub and asks for a pint of lager and a mop.

[GA Russell]

Since ghosts can walk through walls, how come they don't fall thru floors?