Dan Gould Posted January 11, 2022 Report Share Posted January 11, 2022 How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robertoart Posted January 11, 2022 Report Share Posted January 11, 2022 Ronnie Scott talking about his home town. The seagulls fly upside down. Because there's nothing worth shitting on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 11, 2022 Report Share Posted January 11, 2022 Paul Desmond - That's the way the world ends, not with a whim, but a banker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillF Posted January 11, 2022 Report Share Posted January 11, 2022 (edited) On 11/01/2022 at 3:52 PM, robertoart said: Ronnie Scott talking about his home town. The seagulls fly upside down. Because there's nothing worth shitting on. Probably not his home town, as Ronnie was a Londoner. More likely a sardonic comment on a small town where he'd played. Here are others from him on the same theme: "Last night they nuked Stockton-on-Tees. Did £3.50 worth of damage." "I played a gig in Tamworth once. They have only one set of traffic lights - at the crossroads in the middle of town. They change once a week - at 1 o'clock on Wednesday. Everyone comes out to watch." Edited January 14, 2022 by BillF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2022 I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 12, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2022 I used all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 13, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2022 If the Japanese are such technical giants, why are they still eating with sticks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robertoart Posted January 14, 2022 Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 On 11/1/22 at 5:57 AM, BillF said: Probably not his home town, as Ronnie was a Londoner. More likely a sardonic comment on a small town where he'd played. Here are others from him on the same theme: "Last night they nuked Stockton on Tees. Did £3.50 worth of damage." "I played a gig in Tamworth once. They have only one set of traffic lights - at the crossroads in the middle of town. They change once a week - at 1 o'clock on Wednesday. Everyone comes out to watch." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 14, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. "No hablo ingles" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 14, 2022 Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 12 minutes ago, GA Russell said: After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. "No hablo ingles" ¿Te ofreció un pañuelo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted January 14, 2022 Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 Here's one my father, who worked in the business side of show business including stints with MGM and Hanna Barbera, loved to tell. Cecil B. Demille is remembered for his incredible epic films with huge casts of extras and many assistant directors to catch all the action simultaneously. He would communicate with them via walkie talkie. So one day on the set, very complicated scene is finally set up and Demille announces that it's time to roll film. "Ready when you are, C.B.!" come the replies from his assistant directors. He calls action, and thousands of people are moving/fighting etc. He calls "cut" and asks his first assistant if he got that. "Well C.B., the camera wasn't centered the way you wanted it. I'm not sure if we got it." And he asks the second director, and he reports trouble with the camera mount. Now he's worried about a completely lost take, but he still has one more assistant he hasn't heard from. "Ready when you are, C.B.!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 14, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 4 hours ago, JSngry said: ¿Te ofreció un pañuelo? No, senor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 14, 2022 Report Share Posted January 14, 2022 Que lastima!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmitry Posted January 15, 2022 Report Share Posted January 15, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 15, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2022 I wouldn't mind being the last man on earth. Just to see if all those girls were telling the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 16, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what's she's reading. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 17, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2022 In California, some high schools are requiring students to wear uniforms. They say uniforms create a safe and stable environment. You know, like the post office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danasgoodstuff Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 3 hours ago, JSngry said: Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct? I don't get it, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 18, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 20 hours ago, JSngry said: Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct? Jim, Canada Post is too controversial for me to weigh in on. I'll pass! ***** At Microsoft, a minority employee is a guy who has a girlfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 4 minutes ago, GA Russell said: At Microsoft, a minority employee is a guy who has a girlfriend. Is most everybody there married? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 18, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 15 minutes ago, JSngry said: Is most everybody there married? Of course. Otherwise, the joke wouldn't make any sense, would it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 Sure it would, or could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 I thought the joke worked better if most are hopeless nerds, and then there are the few who can find and keep a girl/boy friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjazzg Posted January 18, 2022 Report Share Posted January 18, 2022 That's what I took it to mean too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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