Perhaps Not Surprising (Jazz Has Become The Least-Popular Genre In The

[sgcim]

It's not complicated, really, Aebersold records need to be turned into Karaoke libraries, then a few people start showing up doing Jazz Karaoke, those people get laid because of their radiantcool jazzaura, then next thing you know, you got a trend, because everybody likes getting laid. Then people start buying records to learn the tunes to get the sex next time at the club. Clubs will not look askance at any of that, because being there for people showing up trying to get laid is pretty much what they do, ok?

The first person who does the Woody Shaw Karaoke goes into the Hall Of Fame right with the first human to eat an oyster.

Yeah, but it's got to start in Japan. Americans are only capable of copying things that originate in Japan anymore; films, tech, Karaoke, etc...

Some US club owner goes on vacation to Japan and sees the Eric Dolphy Karaoke, sees all the sex it generates, and then incorporates it into his club in the US.

That's how it's gotta start.

[JSngry]

Let's get this party started!

Yeah man, go like The Bird!

[Big Beat Steve]

Yeah man, go like The Bird!

The Bird is the word?

[sgcim]

Let's get this party started!

Yeah man, go like The Bird!

I'm sorry, you play wrong note on bar 23- no sex for you!

Next!

[JSngry]

No sex unless you demonstrate your full awareness of chord/scale relationships. which is of course the meatheart & soulpotatos of The Great Original Only Amerticanar Jazz Form!

And then, you can have your pick of the sure-to-be many.

Get in line for Tuesday Night Jazz Karaoke!

[sgcim]

OOhh! That very good! You play entire Sonny Stitt solo instead of coming up with your own lines!

We try to discourage creativity at Jazz Karaoke. Ladies, sex this boy up!!

[Shawn]

All formats are tracked for record sale totals, makes not an iota of difference whether it's CD or LP.

[JSngry]

"Look sexy Jazz Karaoke Singer Chick, you might be The One right now, but I'm a tenor player, destiny is MINE. Just give me time to get my chops together and then I will be choosing you. You ignore me now, but look at my face. Look at it well - when I claim you, will will remember it in your subconscious and be delighted that I have come so far and chosen YOU, not that freshman alto player. You will squeal with delight when you feel that I have not only mastered my scale/chord relationships, but I have ALSO learned they sexart of rhythmic variation of both mind AND fingers. Your love will indeed be a secret no more you will be mine, I WILL have you. The break you leave open, I will fill to overflowing. Be ready, baby. Be ready for ME"

See, this shit is NOT complicated. Y'all just taking the sex out of it. Put the sex back in it, people will proceed accordingly, jazz be making EVERYBODY happy again.

[sgcim]

I became very suspicious about this so-called CharlieBirdParker father-son team when I found this alto/tenor duo had posted these videos eight years ago.

With a little research, I found that they had indeed pioneered the Jazz Karaoke Movement in Japan, after leaving everything behind in Alabama after the economic crisis left the father's genetic engineering firm (of which the son was an early experimental subject) bankrupt.

This could account for the son's 'Children of the Damned' emotionless look and style of playing, as he was a result of a cross-cloning experiment using the DNA of Sonny Rollins and Stan Getz.

They hustled the Karaoke Jazz circuit in Japan for years, posing as US tourists searching for what they described as "the perfect sashimi".

In reality, they confided to their arresting officers that they were actually searching for the perfect Japanese tail.

The father and son team continued their typical Karaoke Jazz routine of playing tunes from the Real Book without realizing that they had to transpose the music for their respective horns, resulting in that distinctive sound of parallel fourths that has been known to stimulate Japanese women.

Their hedonistic orgies with multiple partners became so notorious, that the great Japanese exploitation film director, Takashi Miike, made a bio-pic about them entitled "The Great American Karaoke Jazz Hustlers".

As a result of the film's popularity, the Yakuza became aware of all the tail their Karaoke Jazz employees were losing, and the duo had their fingers broken in the back room of the well-known Karaoke Jazz Club, Sashimi Palace in Tokyo.

Without the financial support of their many Karaoke jazz conquests, the father and son team turned to crime, and were soon arrested for running a prostitution ring in Osaka. They were eventually deported back to the US to serve the remainder of their sentences.

Here's a performance of the notorious Father/Son Duo "CharlieBirdParker" performing their infamous version of Donna Lee.

Notice that they save their female sex organ stimulating parallel fourths sequence for the out chorus, to induce a buildup to the eventual Japanese female orgasm it so reliably produces:

Edited March 20, 2015 by sgcim

[Dmitry]

When I read threads like this, I get depressed. 

But life goes on.

[mikeweil]

Why? It's two years since the last post, and jazz is still as dead or alive than it was before. I see it as a music of minorities, that's it. Minorities always stay alive, in some way.

[Dmitry]

2 hours ago, mikeweil said:

Why? It's two years since the last post, and jazz is still as dead or alive than it was before. I see it as a music of minorities, that's it. Minorities always stay alive, in some way.

Well, I go to jam-packed local jazz gigs and to near-empty local jazz gigs. This is no different than the late 1990s, when I consciously got into this. In fact, this year I have gone to more local jazz concerts than I ever have since leaving NY for a place 180 miles away a dozen years ago. 
There are two independent record stores within a 20-30 minute drive that stock large numbers of jazz cds and records, and two local chain store branches that have some. There probably were more shops that closed in the last 15 years than opened, so that's different, but this didn't happen because jazz is in the toilet commercially, according to Nielsen. So this is different than in the pre-iPod era, when I was addicted to hunting the record stores in NY, and could [and would] visit a dozen in a mile radius. However I can and do live with that, since music is easily available in the on-line stores.
Then I read this thread, and prospects appear bleak. Yet I see no significant difference in the way things used to be and the way they are. The only irreversible problem is that the originators are dying.  

[Scott Dolan]

Retail stores are closing in record numbers due to the internet. People would rather shop from home, or on their phone from a comfortable location. That’s got nothing to do with Jazz, any or genre, or really anything at all. It’s just a new way the world operates, and really can’t be used as any reliable measure of popularity. 

[Guy Berger]

6 hours ago, Scott Dolan said:

Retail stores are closing in record numbers due to the internet. People would rather shop from home, or on their phone from a comfortable location. That’s got nothing to do with Jazz, any or genre, or really anything at all. It’s just a new way the world operates, and really can’t be used as any reliable measure of popularity. 

Yup

[Late]

Wouldn't jazz fans be uncomfortable if all of a sudden their favorite albums (including 78s) were suddenly in the Top 10 billboard charts and selling ridiculously well?

[Scott Dolan]

 

Excellent point! 

[Hot Ptah]

 

On ‎11‎/‎27‎/‎2017 at 7:16 AM, Late said:

Wouldn't jazz fans be uncomfortable if all of a sudden their favorite albums (including 78s) were suddenly in the Top 10 billboard charts and selling ridiculously well?

No,  I would think it was great.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Hot Ptah

[JSngry]

where would we go to buy these Hot Hit 78s, what kind of shelving would be used, what kind of distributing? Will we go back to relying on sailors and porters? I'm sure I would be delighted, but also confused, will my furniture stores go back to selling records, where is all this real estate coming from. delighted, yes, but still confused.

[Hot Ptah]

One isolated anecdote, for what it is worth. My parents and I visited my brother's home on Thanksgiving. My brother had a guest there who is a volunteer DJ on a not-for-profit community FM radio station in Kansas City. My 84 year old mother asked him what a community radio station is.

He told her about the volunteer aspect of it, and how it survives on listener's contributions during semi-annual fund drives. Then he said, "we started the station thirty years ago. Back then it was based mostly on jazz and blues programming. But as those audiences passed away, and those musics died out, we have switched mostly to indie rock for our programming."

He is a nice guy, with a very thoughtful radio program. He thought he was just describing well known facts.

[AllenLowe]

On 11/27/2017 at 8:16 AM, Late said:

Wouldn't jazz fans be uncomfortable if all of a sudden their favorite albums (including 78s) were suddenly in the Top 10 billboard charts and selling ridiculously well?

not if it was one of mine....

[Hot Ptah]

3 hours ago, AllenLowe said:

not if it was one of mine....

You richly deserve it, Allen.