Divorce

[tranemonk]

I'd love to get your thoughts and opinions about the topic. Thanks.

Edited January 28, 2015 by tranemonk

[paul secor]

Haven't been through that situation, so all I can say is that I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through and I hope that all works out as well as it can.

Edited January 28, 2015 by paul secor

[clifford_thornton]

Good luck. Breaking up is hard to do, can only imagine what you all are having to deal with.

[Scott Dolan]

Went through it as a kid when my parents split. So I don't think highly of it.

I can't imagine my wife and I splitting up. Especially having put in nearly 28 years.

Wish you the best, my friend.

[danasgoodstuff]

There are no good divorces, but there certainly are better and worse. If things turn at all adversarial, you need to get legal representation NOW. Even if not, if there is substantial property and/or children, you still need a lawyer.

[Leeway]

Have you tried counseling, one or both? A lot depends on the counselor/therapist, but a good one might help steer you through the rough spots. Maybe the worst of the problems could be cleared up or mitigated, and rebuilding enabled. Good luck.

[alankin]

They are tough, but sometimes they are necessary.

[xybert]

I was relieved when my parents split when i was 13, not sure when they technically got divorced. It sucks, but sometimes it's do or die.

I'm determined that my son will grow up in a happy, stable environment, as much as it is within my power, but you know what life is like. We can only do our best.

[Ed S]

Went through a divorce that finalized 7 years ago. Awful, painful experience with many dark days from which I emerged a stronger person and better father that I might have otherwise. Met and married a great woman who is, in addition to being a great partner for me - an excellent stepmother to my children.

Those are the Cliff Notes. Don't want to go into any more detail than that here. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss anything about your situation, my situation.

[jazzbo]

I've never had a divorce. My girlfriend has had a doozy. Full of bitterness and overt hostility on both sides. Took about four years to get past and move on, anew. Some of the nastiness could have been avoided. . . . I would invite anyone going through a divorce to avoid as much of the negative and nasty aspects as possible.

[Scott Dolan]

I would invite anyone going through a divorce to avoid as much of the negative and nasty aspects as possible.

This.

Easier said than done, I suppose.

But this, nonetheless.

[kinuta]

My divorce threw me into many years of depression. It didn't help that my dad died a few weeks later.

Luckily my second marriage has been a 35 year blessing.

[jeffcrom]

My first, 17-year marriage ended in divorce in 1995. It was very painful at the time - it wasn't my idea, until after six months of confusion I decided it was, if that makes any sense. In any case, five years later I married a calm, brilliant, wonderful woman. Every day I feel lucky - really. As awful as it was at the time, my divorce was a blessing.

[stephenrr]

So very sorry to hear this. I remember mine like it was yesterday, though it's coming up on almost twenty years. The confusion, doubt and deep sadness nearly drowned me in questions about self-value, finances and simple everyday changes. Gather your friends and family around you, seek some professional help if you need it. Seek some refuge in the simple tasks of getting through each day. Take personal inventory and use this shock as motivation for making positive changes. Get healthy, start some new activities, and try to come through this break without hate or blame (admittedly difficult). I know it's hard to see a future when pain makes breathing difficult. I took walks, found solace in music and books, wrote page after page of journals. My divorce and healing were slow hard work, and once I got past the cliches about divorce, I found most of them true. Take care of yourself. And yes, my divorce was in the end, a positive but painful step.

[Quasimado]

So very sorry to hear this...

And yes, my divorce was in the end, a positive but painful step.

True ... in my case, painful at first, but with time, absolutely positive!

Best wishes.

Q

[page]

To accept and see a change like that as a start of a new sort of life will take time. Give yourself that time to heal. Be upset, sad, angry or whatever feeling you may have and talk to people you trust and express yourself. That will help with coming to decisions you'll have to make and dealing with all of it. I hope your kids will be okay if you two have them.
Best wishes,
page

[ArtSalt]

My parents nearly and perhaps, should have divorced back in the late 70s, but they stuck together for 32 years of marriage, then my father left for his PA and now has children and a wife younger than my own. He also has more hair than me, but that's another story! My mother is a shell of her former self; she aged 15 years in 18 months and it has done her health in.

My only recommendation, if there is a way and a spark of mutual respect, then try and work it out.

I'm not divorced, my marriage is reasonably happy and strong, with two kids, but I still have to fight for every space I get!

[Uncle Skid]

This topic hits a little too close to home for me right now, but I do want to second Leeway's suggestion of counseling.

It's something I never would have considered in my younger years, but over the last six months, we have been doing both individual and couples sessions. The therapists are a husband/wife team, and it's been interesting to get both of their thoughts on things.

It hasn't always been easy, to say the least. But, overall, the experience has been very positive.