Losing Lisa

[BeBop]

--------UPDATE - November 24, 2013 -----------------------

Lisa, my wife of 25 years has died. Just 47 years old. Brain tumor. Fought for 12 years. Never said "why me?"

I'd started this thread when I was seeking distraction, thinking that the end was near. She hung on until last night, so we had more time together, but she also suffered longer. And so it goes. I thought I'd resurrect the thread under a new Topic to say thanks to people who helped me find those much-needed distractions (even without knowing why I was asking), including kind thoughts and ideas received by PM.

This group (organissimo board) is probably the only one I'll tell.

I don't plan to mention to my coworkers, my social groups, distant family. But I needed to say it out loud. Tell someone. And now I have. Make a good thought for Lisa, the best thing that's happened to me.

--------- ORIGINAL POST ----------------

I'm going stir-crazy. I'm in a very tough moment in life, and I'm all alone. I can't listen to music; I'm too restless. I can eat....and eat and eat... (Put down the fork, Bebop). Almost as dangerous as shopping.

I tried the only chat room I ever visit, and it's really dormant.

Random web surfing isn't doing it. No way can I pull together the attention to read right now. I don't do TV or videos. And I've no one to phone that I haven't already talked to...several times. The best I've found is an article on macroprudential supervision of systemically important financial institutions.

I know I haven't left much "room" for suggestions. But any serious suggestions welcomed. Please, no attempts to be funny. I'm not kidding here. Thank you.

Edited November 24, 2013 by BeBop

[paul secor]

Wherever you be right now, go out and strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting.

If you can't do that, do some people watching and make up stories in your head about some of the people you see. Then maybe write some of those stories down in some form.

Or find a comfortable peaceful place where you can think about and write down your dreams about what you'd like to do, where you might like to settle down and live, what kind of a person you'd like to become. Then think about how you can make some of those dreams into realities.

[BeBop]

Since I'm alone (effectively), I can't talk to or watch anyone. But writing is an excellent idea. Really. I think that will hold me for a while. Thank you sincerely, paul secor.

[JSngry]

Walk around and look at stuff. You see more when you walk, and there's always something to look at.

I started walking through the alleys behind the houses instead of the sidewalks in front of them, at first to get less noise, but I soon found out that as similar as a neighborhood might look in front, in the back is where all bets are off.

[BeBop]

Thanks, JSngry. Your suggestion may be an excellent one soon. Right now, I'm in a house I can't leave. When I can leave, I'll probably walk my feet off. Walking and exercise: good for the soul.

[Blue Train]

First off from reading that. What Jim S said!

Makes you feel better, I actually know SIFI....and no, I don't mean Star Wars, Star Trek, etc....I do know them as well...

CMS version

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S037026931200857X

The Atlas version and no Comic Sans!




http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S037026931200857X

Sorry for breaking the funny request...

What Jim S said again!

Edited October 21, 2013 by Blue Train

[BeBop]

Thanks, Blue Train. You know, I think I could listen to Blue Trane right about now.

Funny, I'm not much of a trombone guy. But those beautiful harmonized heads with Fuller, Trane, Lee Morgan. Yes. It's on. And I'm still writing gibberish (here and on the paul secor-inspired writing project.)

[Blue Train]

If it interests you....the reason I chose Blue Train.....my mother's 2nd favorite jazz recording. Saxophone Colossus was her favorite....but seriously, how do I get away with that as a handle?

Still breaking the the no funny rule, but still relevant to the conversation.

Keep on the BeBopping!

Edited October 21, 2013 by Blue Train

[BeBop]

I'm talking to myself here. What I say really isn't appropriate in the place. But I feel like I need to talk. I'm not looking for a response from anyone. Send a positive thought, if you wish.

My wife of 25 years is dying. I'm her caretaker. The oncologist said the end was likely to come like this: "She will sleep more and more. One day, she just won't wake up". She's 47. Brain tumor.

Well, she's been sleeping for a full day. Before today, it was seldom over nine hours. Now it seems like...

So I'm scared. As I say, I'm alone. Obviously can't go anywhere. Up the stairs. Back down. Looking out the window. But the house is full of memories, even though it wasn't a place we lived together, what with my travel schedule.

Hey, it could be nothing other than an unusually long sleep. But...well, you can imagine.

I'll post this and see how it makes me feel. Maybe I'll delete. Seems like it may be a good idea. I'm just a bundle of nerves.

Please don't "quote" this post. That way, I can make it go away, if I decide.

Edited October 21, 2013 by BeBop

[.:.impossible]

I hope that coming here helps you realize that you are not alone. How's the weather? Would it help to sit out back and breathe in some fresh air?

[BeBop]

Good weather. Would like a nice sunset. Fingers crossed for that.

It's interesting that this is where I come at this moment. Nice bunch of people here. No one likely to sh*t on me right now. That's why going to some unfamiliar chat room didn't appeal.

[Blue Train]

Sent a pm.

[GA Russell]

BeBop, I'm very sorry to hear of this.

I find that reading the New Testament helps me a lot in stressful times. Do you have a copy in your house?

[kinuta]

I'm also very sorry to hear of your situation.

I don't know what to suggest other than walking long distances, which has often helped me through trying times.

[jeffcrom]

No distractions to suggest, but you are in my thoughts.

[BeBop]

Thanks all. Appreciate thoughts and suggestions. Really tired. Hope I can catch a little sleep.

[BruceH]

Walking might help. I know it tends to calm my jabbering mind.

[Jazzmoose]

It is appropriate. Positive thought on it's way.

[bogdan101]

Bongos and/or congas. I like to play them while listening to music.

Edited October 21, 2013 by bogdan101

[king ubu]

Very sorry to read this, BeBop. No prayer or mumbo jumbo available from my side, I'm afraid, but keeping you in my thoughts.

[aparxa]

That's crushing BeBop. Walking, gardening, reading aloud, playing an instrument could be of some help. You are in my thoughts.

[page]

When I feel restless and like you've mentioned the weather is good. I go sit somewhere to catch some sun on my face and close my eyes. The sun helps me to relax. While my eyes are closed I listen to the sounds around me and try to discover something that makes me smile like a bird or something. When all is quiet you could just listen to your own breathing and concentrate on that.
I hope you'll feel better soon.

[BeBop]

Lisa, my wife of 25 years has died. Just 47 years old. Brain tumor. Fought for 12 years. Never said "why me?"

I'd started this thread when I was seeking distraction, thinking that the end was near. She hung on until last night, so we had more time together, but she also suffered longer. And so it goes. I thought I'd resurrect the thread under a new Topic to say thanks to people who helped me find those much-needed distractions (even without knowing why I was asking), including kind thoughts and ideas received by PM.

This group (organissimo board) is probably the only one I'll tell.

I don't plan to mention to my coworkers, my social groups, distant family. But I needed to say it out loud. Tell someone. And now I have. Make a good thought for Lisa, the best thing that's happened to me.

[Leeway]

I'm so sorry. My sincere condolences.

[page]

My condolences, dear Bebop. I know I can't say anything other than that you and her are in my thoughts. I wish you strength in this difficult time.
sincerely, page

Edited November 24, 2013 by page