Crazy-ass, nonsensical sports writing

[Larry Kart]

That such goofy, incoherent writing is permitted in a newspaper is one thing -- and I do understand that Brian Hamilton was filing on deadline -- but that it is encouraged (as I suspect it is) and that both Hamilton and his editors are very pleased with what he has wrought here is just plain nuts:

By Brian Hamilton, Chicago Tribune reporter

8:02 a.m. CST, November 4, 2012

SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Everett Golson dove underneath the pile, and the pile swallowed him whole. Even as noise then rolled through the place like an unending thunderclap, even as spine-starching evening air crackled with a cocktail of disbelief and glee, even as the pile lurched back and forth, the Notre Dame quarterback stayed disappeared." Etc.

Link to the whole shebang:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/college/ct-spt-1104-notre-dame-pittsburgh-football--20121104,0,1739282.story

Another highlight: "It was an exasperating day of the ordinary turned extraordinary and back, of title hopes for BCS No. 3 Notre Dame reduced from a 100-foot bonfire to smoldering ash and then sparked again."

[Noj]

"...stayed disappeared."

Really?

[Larry Kart]

My previous current bete noire in this department has been Andrew Keh of the NY Times, who writes on baseball for the most part. A collection of choice bits of Keh would be something else. Again -- and I suspect this is true because Keh is fairly young (a recent Columbia U. grad, I believe) -- I don't think this is solely or even primarily a case of people who probably couldn't write straight if they tried and get all hung up when they try to write fancy. Rather, it's that these people are being taught and encouraged to to write this way, perhaps because the belief is that "We need to show the readers that we're really working." The Times' excellent golf writer Karen Crouse is a blessed exception.

[Matthew]

Yeah, it's pretty bad stuff right now, I don't know how many time I've read an account of a game and the score is buried a couple of paragraphs in the story. Another bad influence on sports writing has been Bill Simmons, now everyone has to get their cheesy cultural references in a story. I'm currently reading The Sweet Science by A. J. Liebling, now there's some graceful sports writing!

[JSngry]

"...stayed disappeared."

Really?

Until be became apparent for the post-game interview after the game.

[Larry Kart]

Some excerpts from the work of Andrew Keh of the Times (see above).

"The momentous aura persisted as the fans hung on every pitch. But the joyous element was excised rather quickly as the Cardinals took advantage of Edwin Jackson’s early shakiness. "

"Amid the protracted commotion at Yankee Stadium late Saturday night, two of the Detroit Tigers’ hits were particularly rued inside the home clubhouse for how avoidable they seemed."

"The atmosphere inside Nationals Park on Thursday never seemed like it would match the relentless vivacity of the previous day, when this city hosted its first postseason baseball game since 1933. The crowd of 44,392 stood constantly and cheered in full voice, but also seemed muted at times by anxiety, particularly as the game wore on and the specter of elimination grew.... Werth provided the difference, blowing open a taut, nerve-racking contest well after the reddish haze of dusk had come and gone from the sky. He came to the plate to open the bottom of the ninth inning with the teams tied, 1-1, to face Lance Lynn, a hard-throwing right-hander. He took two strikes, looked at two balls and then proceeded to foul off six straight pitches. On and on he battled, and louder and louder the fans grew.

“I didn’t hear a thing,” Werth said. “It was pretty quiet to me.”

"Wrapped in his inner silence, Werth saw a 96-mile-an-hour fastball, the 13th pitch of the at-bat, sail over the middle of the plate and smashed it. There was no doubt about where the ball was landing, and the crowd roared. As the stadium pulsated, Werth circled the bases with fury, throwing his helmet high into the air as he charged down the third-base line. As he approached home plate, he leapt up and stomped down with both feet before his teammates engulfed him."

"The sparkling play felt contagious."

"Both starters could muster only abbreviated outings."

"For another autumn and winter, stable amid the rubble of another collapsed Mets season will stand Terry Collins, the team’s fiery manager.... At least in recent memory, no leader of a troubled sports team in New York has enjoyed the apparent sympathy and overall perception of job security that Collins has during his tenure in Queens. And as the Mets’ 2012 season hobbled to its conclusion last week, votes of confidence again rang out.... Emotional investment has become Collins’s defining trait, and its outward expression has hurt him at times, most noticeably when he has insinuated that his players have stopped trying.

"Other players compared Collins’s sporadic shows of exasperation to those that arise in a tight-knit family living in close quarters. In those circumstances, friction can seem inevitable, and emotions can be difficult to check."

"Throughout sports, managers and head coaches who are disciplinarians are met with the same enthusiasm as those who are more relaxed types — as long as the wins are there."

"But coaches, players and officials on the Mets know that baseball is a results-oriented business. They have all said as much, And it is clear some kind of reckoning is slowly approaching."

In much of Keh's work there is a nagging air of approximation and near-tone deaf restatement -- e.g. "...stable amid the rubble of another collapsed Mets season," "...compared Collins’s sporadic shows of exasperation to those that arise in a tight-knit family living in close quarters" -- in addition to the frequent dumb metaphors and Dick-and-Jane rhythms ("On and on he battled, and louder and louder the fans grew"). What, I wonder, if one were his copy editor? Could he be helped? Would he accept help?

[Larry Kart]

Actually, when I was a copy editor in my later years at the Chicago Tribune, I did help two talented writers -- one at her request on several major stories (because she was a good friend and wasn't getting any of the help she thought she needed from the editors she was writing for), the other because I normally edited his stuff. The second case was especially satisfying because I was sure I was making little or no headway, even though the writer was very smart -- making no headway, I think, because he was frequently caught up in trying to show off to his bosses and to the readers how cute he was. Then, for some reason, he got it and became one of the best writers on the paper.

[papsrus]

Yeah, copy editors, juggling the final barrage of stores stories like a fist-full of fiery batons on a deadline halfway between dusk and dawn, and bearing down like a bullet train, loathe this stuff. A dispatch filed with 5 minutes to spare, and they dive in with one last slurp from their now-tepid, sour coffee dispensed from the stained cauldrons of the linoleum lunchroom at the far end of a hallway now squeezed tight by a cleaning crew, their vacuums already humming diabolically around the surrounding desks, abandoned long ago, in daylight.

I'll be working tonight.

"Yeah, hi. Quick question. What was the score?"

Edited November 4, 2012 by papsrus

[Matthew]

Yeah, copy editors, juggling the final barrage of stores like a fist-full of fiery batons on a deadline halfway between dusk and dawn, and bearing down like a bullet train, loathe this stuff. A dispatch filed with 5 minutes to spare, and they dive in with one last slurp from their now-tepid, sour coffee dispensed from the stained cauldrons of the linoleum lunchroom at the far end of a hallway now squeezed tight by a cleaning crew, their vacuums already humming diabolically around the surrounding desks, abandoned long ago, in daylight.

I'll be working tonight.

"Yeah, hi. Quick question. What was the score?"

Fantastic

[alocispepraluger102]

sports writing ceased to exist when twitter, facebook, and espn came onto the scene.

[Tim McG]

I'm with you, Larry.

The overuse of pointless superlatives has always grated on me.

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

I'm with you, Larry.

The overuse of pointless superlatives has always grated on me.

'Tain't the pointless superlatives, it's the pretentious trot Papsrus so neatly parodied.

Now, if you want pointless superlatives AND pretension, together with unerringly misplaced puctuation, read some sleeve notes by Dzondria LaIsaac (perhaps a name assumed by Don Robey, for whose labels (Duke, Peacock, Songbird et al) LaIsaac wrote notes on gospel and R&B albums). Those notes are works of real genius.

MG

[Larry Kart]

I'm with you, Larry.

The overuse of pointless superlatives has always grated on me.

'Tain't the pointless superlatives, it's the pretentious trot Papsrus so neatly parodied.

Now, if you want pointless superlatives AND pretension, together with unerringly misplaced puctuation, read some sleeve notes by Dzondria LaIsaac (perhaps a name assumed by Don Robey, for whose labels (Duke, Peacock, Songbird et al) LaIsaac wrote notes on gospel and R&B albums). Those notes are works of real genius.

MG

Ah, yes -- I remember her contributions to some Bobby Blue Bland albums.

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

I'm with you, Larry.

The overuse of pointless superlatives has always grated on me.

'Tain't the pointless superlatives, it's the pretentious trot Papsrus so neatly parodied.

Now, if you want pointless superlatives AND pretension, together with unerringly misplaced puctuation, read some sleeve notes by Dzondria LaIsaac (perhaps a name assumed by Don Robey, for whose labels (Duke, Peacock, Songbird et al) LaIsaac wrote notes on gospel and R&B albums). Those notes are works of real genius.

MG

Ah, yes -- I remember her contributions to some Bobby Blue Bland albums.

Yes, indeed. How do you know Dzondria was a woman? Was she a real person? Did you meet her at the National Association of Music Writers of America, or some such gig?

MG

[Jazzmoose]

You know what really drives me bonkers about sports writing today?

One sentence paragraphs.

I don't know; maybe they hear themselves narrarating for NFL Films in their heads, but it drives me nuts to see a sports article start out with two one sentence paragraphs, and then when you finally make it to the third paragraph and think "whew; they got that out of their system" you realize that the third paragraph is just one clumsily constructed run-on sentence, and that paragraph is just another one sentence paragraph.

Then it's back to the obvious one sentence paragraphs.

Ferkin' stoopid.

[Larry Kart]

I'm with you, Larry.

The overuse of pointless superlatives has always grated on me.

'Tain't the pointless superlatives, it's the pretentious trot Papsrus so neatly parodied.

Now, if you want pointless superlatives AND pretension, together with unerringly misplaced puctuation, read some sleeve notes by Dzondria LaIsaac (perhaps a name assumed by Don Robey, for whose labels (Duke, Peacock, Songbird et al) LaIsaac wrote notes on gospel and R&B albums). Those notes are works of real genius.

MG

Ah, yes -- I remember her contributions to some Bobby Blue Bland albums.

Yes, indeed. How do you know Dzondria was a woman? Was she a real person? Did you meet her at the National Association of Music Writers of America, or some such gig?

MG

Just a guess. Dzondria doesn't sound like a guy's name, though as you suggest she/he/it could have been someone's invention.

[JSngry]

https://www.google.com/search?num=10&hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1524&bih=766&q=Dzondria&oq=Dzondria&gs_l=img.12...2068.2068.0.5745.1.1.0.0.0.0.66.66.1.1.0...0.0...1ac.2.mQc0xDRfWN0