Ronnie Scott Jokes

[robertoart]

cut and pasted from here

My link

Ronnie Scott - these are the jokes...

Edited June 10, 2012 by Larry Kart

[robertoart]

another web page celebration

cut and pasted from here

My link

Edited June 10, 2012 by Larry Kart

[GA Russell]

Thanks freelancer!

[sidewinder]

Club Staff

"Our cook is Japanese. Every 7th of December he comes out of the kitchen and attacks Pearl Bailey."

"If you want something to eat just ask one of our waiters. There's one over there. He's moving. Very slowly, but he is moving. He's Italian. He came to England three years ago and went to work in a Jewish restaurant so he could learn English. Now he speaks Italian and Yiddish - but no English."

You are probably too young to remember this, but at one time you could pay your National Insurance contributions by sticking official stamps on a card.

New! "We had this Italian waiter working here. He didn’t understand our social security system and stuck Green Shield stamps on his insurance card. He was arrested and taken to court. The judge gave him six months and a tea set."

New! "I wouldn't say our waitresses are thick, but I asked one the other day what she thought of Dickens, and she said that she hadn't been to one."

'Martin's our Maitre D' - That's French for moron..'

[BillF]

Wonderful collection, Freelancer!

[Larry Kart]

Freelancer -- Read the forum rules. No. 9 says that you can't post complete entries of actually or possibly copyrighted material, only links to that material. If you don't know why that rule is in force, we'll explain it to you, but don't do it again.

[David Ayers]

Larry, this is true, and that would include song lyrics, wouldn't it?

[king ubu]

Freelancer -- Read the forum rules. No. 9 says that you can't post complete entries of actually or possibly copyrighted material, only links to that material. If you don't know why that rule is in force, we'll explain it to you, but don't do it again.

Reminds me of:

[Larry Kart]

Larry, this is true, and that would include song lyrics, wouldn't it?

Maybe I put it poorly/confusingly, but here are forum rules 7&9:

7) We do not allow sharing, trading, or linking copyrighted material that is being offered illegally, including bootlegs.

9) When posting articles from other websites, do not quote the entire article. Please post a small snippet, then include a hyperlink to the full article. See this post as an example.

Sharing lyrics of copyrighted songs would, I think, not fall into the "being offered illegally" class because there is no medium for the sale of lyrics alone, though posting pdf files of sheet music plus lyrics of copyrighted songs would violate rule 7 because there is a legal medium for the sale of sheet music, plus of course an illegal one. Jim will correct me if I'm wrong about what I've just said, but if he doesn't, please don't argue with me about this on some "gotcha, you hypocrite" basis -- I have no time for that; besides it's Jim site and his rules. I just enforce them as best I can.

[David Ayers]

Larry, this is true, and that would include song lyrics, wouldn't it?

Maybe I put it poorly/confusingly, but here are forum rules 7&9:

7) We do not allow sharing, trading, or linking copyrighted material that is being offered illegally, including bootlegs.

9) When posting articles from other websites, do not quote the entire article. Please post a small snippet, then include a hyperlink to the full article. See this post as an example.

Sharing lyrics of copyrighted songs would, I think, not fall into the "being offered illegally" class because there is no medium for the sale of lyrics alone, though posting pdf files of sheet music plus lyrics of copyrighted songs would violate rule 7 because there is a legal medium for the sale of sheet music, plus of course an illegal one. Jim will correct me if I'm wrong about what I've just said, but if he doesn't, please don't argue with me about this on some "gotcha, you hypocrite" basis -- I have no time for that; besides it's Jim site and his rules. I just enforce them as best I can.

You got me. Sorry shouldn't have teased you...

[robertoart]

Apparently this tribute cd to Ronnie Scott has some recordings of Ronnie Scott's favourite jokes, recorded for posterity by the clubs sound engineer Janet Moorhouse. It includes the 'parrot joke' amongst others. Unfortunately I could not find a relevant youtube link.

Another drummer joke;

A little boy said to his Dad, 'When I grow up I want to be a drummer'.

'Make up your mind, son, you can't be both'.

[BillF]

I was at a gig at Ronnie's in the 60s (I think the artist was Roland Kirk) where there was a lot of heckling from a drunk woman. Ronnie silenced her by saying, "Madam, you sound like you're gargling under water."

[fasstrack]

These rules are becoming labyrinthian and not really making sense. I applaud the banning of copy-protected material but IMO permitting a link is sort of winking and saying it's cool-so long as they don't sue us. And somehow excluding song lyrics both defies logic and is an insult to lyricists-if the issue is indeed protecting intellectual property. Where-HOW-does one decide? What about a copy-protected poem? Is this different? I'm sorry to seem cranky or contrary, and was not planning any pranks. Just seeking to understand. Rules are needed and I welcome them-when they are common sense-based.

[Larry Kart]

These rules are becoming labyrinthian and not really making sense. I applaud the banning of copy-protected material but IMO permitting a link is sort of winking and saying it's cool-so long as they don't sue us. And somehow excluding song lyrics both defies logic and is an insult to lyricists-if the issue is indeed protecting intellectual property. Where-HOW-does one decide? What about a copy-protected poem? Is this different? I'm sorry to seem cranky or contrary, and was not planning any pranks. Just seeking to understand. Rules are needed and I welcome them-when they are common sense-based.

By my understanding, neither forum rule 7 or 9 excludes song lyrics, as I explained above. And the reason we don't allow whole articles, etc. posted but only links to them is simple. That which is linked to has been put up on the Internet by those who have put it there in the hope that it will be linked to. If they didn't want it to happen, there would be no link to link to. The objection here to posting the entire article or whatever is that doing so denies the party who placed the article or whatever on the Internet in the hope that others will link to it that which the party wants in return -- an increased number of page views.

All of Jim's forum rules are based in common sense, I believe. Just read them and follow them. If there are arcane or special cases, just ask -- Jim or one or more of the moderators will consult their Quiji boards.

We forget Ronnie Scott's greatest witticism: "Who shot the couch?"

[robertoart]

I'm just so glad I found out the reason why the seagulls fly upside down in the seaside resort I reluctantly call my home town.

It's because there's nothing worth shitting on

Kinda like my old government High School - in the same town. The school's Latin motto translates to 'find out for yourself', (that's one of mine ).

[robertoart]

These rules are becoming labyrinthian and not really making sense. I applaud the banning of copy-protected material but IMO permitting a link is sort of winking and saying it's cool-so long as they don't sue us. And somehow excluding song lyrics both defies logic and is an insult to lyricists-if the issue is indeed protecting intellectual property. Where-HOW-does one decide? What about a copy-protected poem? Is this different? I'm sorry to seem cranky or contrary, and was not planning any pranks. Just seeking to understand. Rules are needed and I welcome them-when they are common sense-based.

By my understanding, neither forum rule 7 or 9 excludes song lyrics, as I explained above. And the reason we don't allow whole articles, etc. posted but only links to them is simple. That which is linked to has been put up on the Internet by those who have put it there in the hope that it will be linked to. If they didn't want it to happen, there would be no link to link to. The objection here to posting the entire article or whatever is that doing so denies the party who placed the article or whatever on the Internet in the hope that others will link to it that which the party wants in return -- an increased number of page views.

All of Jim's forum rules are based in common sense, I believe. Just read them and follow them. If there are arcane or special cases, just ask -- Jim or one or more of the moderators will consult their Quiji boards.

We forget Ronnie Scott's greatest witticism: "Who shot the couch?"

And don't forget this important advice

Of Harry Gold (and his Pieces of Eight) he said, "Harry was very helpful. The best tip he gave me was not to wear brown shoes with a blue suit."

Alternately, it should be said, never wear blue shoes with a brown suit.

Edited June 12, 2012 by freelancer