Shawn Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Yeah. I kind of had a minor meltdown the other day. Partially caused by taking an accidental double dose of an anti-anxiety medication, a particular medication that seems to cause more harm than good. Partially because I guess I was just sort of due a breakdown. I kind of feel like I'm hauling a small skyscraper of stress on my back. I need to drop that bastard and just keep walking. My new mantra: "Desperation breeds inspiration, desperation breeds innovation, desperation is temporary" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alankin Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Shawn, I'm glad you're still hanging in. Someone close to me recently had some major issues and was hospitalized and in a psychiatric unit for a week. She has done a lot of work there and in a day treatment program and has gotten a lot of help and is getting better. I hope you have some resources in your community that can give you some support. Struggles that seem permanent and impossible to overcome may turn out to be things that can be dealt with even if a little bit at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidewinder Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Yeah. I kind of had a minor meltdown the other day. We've all been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 (edited) I've actually had the opposite problem, too many doctors messing with my brain chemistry. I'm getting more convinced by the day that a large portion of the issues I've been having since 2002 are actually side effects to the Klonopin I was prescribed at that time. 4 psychiatrists and 3 general practitioners kept misinterpreting these side effects as other issues. So they kept piling more and more drugs on top, changing brands, changing doses, adding and removing anti-psychotics, trying cocktails of multiple meds, mis-diagnosing my "major depression" as "manic depression" on one occasion and almost killing me by putting me on Depakote. This can happen when you move around as often as I do and new people keep looking at your shit. But, I've asked every Doctor that I've talked to one question and none of them ever checked into it. "Is Klonopin supposed to make you hate everything? Because that's what happens when I take it". The ONLY constant medication I've taken since 2002, the only one that has never been increased, decreased or altered by any of these Doctors is the Klonopin. Everything else has been changed multiple times, either making the situation about the same or much worse, never making it better. I just wish it hadn't taken me 9 years to make the connection. ....so for right now. I'm totally behind therapy and am actively seeking a good counselor open to alternative medicines and approaches...but I'm taking a LONG sabbatical from Western Psychiatry and from any manufactured chemicals designed to alter my brain chemistry. I'm reclaiming my brain chemistry for Shawn. Edited June 9, 2011 by Shawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeweil Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I'm reclaiming my brain chemistry for Shawn. ... and I can recommend the route Jsngry suggested. I am a musician, but not the one to constantly run after every student or gig, so I decided to take a day job. I'm in a transport service for handicapped people of all kinds. It makes you humble, and grateful for what you are and can do, you do plenty good deeds everyday, get the paycheck and learn there is always somebody who is off a lot worse than you are. Most people are great characters and really appreciate that you help them. Hang in there, Shawn, and stick around, please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 My new mantra: "Desperation breeds inspiration, desperation breeds innovation, desperation is temporary" Yep, therefore so is inspiration and innovation, and...that's ok. That's more than ok, actually. Once you accept that, you can adjust expectations and reactions accordingly. A good counselor can get you there if you need some direction. Most of us do at one point or another. Go ahead on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave James Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Shawn, Not to beat a dead horse, but I think over the last few days, you may be seeing the value of this board in a way that perhaps you had not seen it before. Look at your first post and compare it with your most recent one and I think you'll see what I mean. When things aren't going well, you need all the support you can get, be it from close friends, family, support services or people with whom you share things in common, like all of us here. Hopefully, you'll reconsider your decision to turn away from the board and realize that it may very well be part of the solution and not part of the problem. Whatever you decide to do, it's cool. I just hope the sun will soon choose to shine in your direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks Dave, believe me, I do see the value. I knew the value all along, but I've been twisted in such a medicine pretzel that I don't think I've really been seeing anything clearly for years. Not exaggerating at all, YEARS. I'm not going anywhere, in fact, I think that guy named Shawn from the old BNBB days, that dude? He's almost back. It's like I've been wearing glasses with the wrong prescription for a decade, thinking the world is REALLY that damn blurry and ugly, when all of a sudden I realize that I just needed to take the glasses off. Your eyes might hurt for awhile till they adjust, but damn shit looks clearer already. And these withdrawal symptoms from this medicine are a BITCH, but I'll live through that as well. In my research I discovered that benzodiazepines (like Klonopin, Valium) are actually designed for short term use, long term use is considered "controversial" and is not advised. How that little fact slipped past the notice of 7 different people with medical degrees? Don't ask me, I have no clue. Anyway, I've been sailing rudderless for decade, traveling from port to port, but my bearings are coming back, the compass is being dusted off and a new course is in the process of being plotted. Yes, I've hit rock bottom economically, but that just means I got nothin' left to lose and everything to gain. No more excuses, no more taking the easy route just to avoid possible risk. I didn't go to college for nothing, time to put that degree to use, it's been collecting dust for a decade. to be continued... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Um...I don't know if this is good medical advice or not, but I had the same problem with my anti-anxiety medication. When I made the decision to quit it, I spent three days smoking my brains out (yeah, it's as easy to find as it ever was!) which helped even out the withdrawal symptoms tremendously. The antidepressants I'm on help, the anti-anxiety stuff just made things worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Um...I don't know if this is good medical advice or not, but I had the same problem with my anti-anxiety medication. When I made the decision to quit it, I spent three days smoking my brains out (yeah, it's as easy to find as it ever was!) which helped even out the withdrawal symptoms tremendously. The antidepressants I'm on help, the anti-anxiety stuff just made things worse. Already implemented, I'm a seasoned campaigner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Bresnahan Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Shawn, from what Stevie Nicks has to say about Klonopin, you need to get off that stuff right away! In a nutshell, she says that Klonopin ruined 8 years of her life. When you speak about being a different person, read what Stevie had to say, "One day I looked in the mirror and said, 'I don't know you.' And I went straight to the hospital for 47 days." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 "The overwhelming feeling of wellness and calm equals blah, nothing. My creativity went away. The fabulous Stevie everyone knew just disappeared. I became what I call the 'whatever' person. I didn't care about anything anymore. Yep, that's the feeling exactly. You either "don't care" or you "hate", those are the only remaining feelings. I find it FLABBERGASTING that this medication is not supposed to be taken for more than 9 weeks(!) and I was left on it for 9 years!!!! At least Stevie figured it out a year earlier, I lost damn near a decade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Not to underplay or distract from the bad side-effects of Klonopin or any other psychotropic drug, but geez, man Stevie Nicks is like the Chernobyl of body chemistry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffcrom Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Flabbergasting is the word for it, all right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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