Empty Nesters

[mellowT]

And some news that might cheer you up long term...

Boomerang kids: 85% of college grads move home

No, see....that is NOT good news...you want them OUT, on their own, and then you can see them when it's OPTIONAL, not mandatory...

Agreed!

Even if they have jobs, they are living at home.

Huh?

[gmonahan]

I can relate. Like Lon I lost a spouse, though longer ago--around ten years, then had to face single parenthood for a while, which at first terrified me. But my kids turned out well, thank goodness. Empty-nested two years ago when my daughter went off to college, and I have to say the house got a bit quiet sometimes. But then my son and his wife started having kids--they live around four hours away, and I'm discovering the glories of grandparenthood, which are really, really cool. In fact, I'll be retiring in a few years and moving closer to them (and facing the challenging prospect of moving all those records and cds!!). I've found comfort in good friends, and of course, the music. There's always the music!

It sounds trite, but each phase of our life brings new challenges and opportunities once we get past the initial shock. What was it Duke Ellington is supposed to have said when his mother died (or was it his father)? "I took the energy it takes to pout, and wrote some blues."

gregmo

[Brad]

Kevin,

I'm glad things went well.

We just became empty nesters as my son has gone off to college and it hasn't been an easy transition as he has some learning issues that pose a challenge (ADD and processing), plus he's not very independent, not to mention it's difficult letting go. When he's been the center of your life for the last 18 years, you say to yourself, ok, what do I do now?

We are actually reading a book called "Letting Go," and it's a pretty good primer. Basically, you need to let kids learn to do things on their own or they will never become self sufficient.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Brad

[Dan Gould]

Basically, you need to let kids learn to do things on their own or they will never become self sufficient.

From what I've been reading, this encapsulates the problem with parents today. I don't know how many articles I've read about parents sticking their noses in when their kids in college have roommate problems, or this problem or that problem - just as they have since they were 2. Pathetic - and the kids not only end up laboring under the delusion that they're "special" they are in fact nonfunctional. (And no implied criticism of you, Brad! )

On the topic at hand, I'm glad your wife's surgery went well. I'm sure you'll adjust to these changes and as its been noted, you may come to a time when you're like Al Bundy or Cliff Huxtable, just praying to get the kids out of the house.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Dan Gould

[Brad]

None taken Dan. The term I've heard referred to those kinds of parents are "helicopter parents"

[gmonahan]

None taken Dan. The term I've heard referred to those kinds of parents are "helicopter parents"

It's really a recent phenomenon. I teach at a university, and this is really the first year we've had a fair number of parents calling asking questions and still trying to hover over their kids. Luckily, there's an iron-clad federal law that prevents us from saying anything to them without the specific written permission of their now-adult daughter or son. Needless to say, we never ask for that. You really have to let go, and it ain't easy.

gregmo