DukeCity Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 My condolences. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruceH Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 My condolences for your terrible loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noj Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 I can only echo all the sincere condolences being offered here, Van B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 I'm sorry to hear about this. Take care. db Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 I'm sorry for your loss. Fasstrack is right about letting go; holding on to anger towards the incompetents at the hospital will only hurt you, not them. But I know, that's easy to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Basten II Posted April 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 I'm sorry for your loss. Fasstrack is right about letting go; holding on to anger towards the incompetents at the hospital will only hurt you, not them. But I know, that's easy to say. Don't think, my feelings are out of anger but more of frustration, noticing how a few small bad things batched up all together can derail a situation, don't know if i mentionned it on the board or on pm or with someone, so many communications today that i'm losing count, but as we were briefed by the hospital representatives after her death was announced, i explained to them what i felt they needed to work on to make the place a better one by telling them how we were treated, so future patients and families of patients so they do not live this kind of Kafkaian nightmare. The representatives seemed to appreciate my candor and the way i adressed them, they figured out i was trying to make their place better We always have to work on our communication skills and when they're lacking, we need to take the time to fix them Looking at the grief chart, seems i'm in limbo between depression and fear right now. Once again, thank you for the words of comfort, talking to people who knew my mum is quite tough, talking to people who have neutral feelings or that my nom did not know does help since i don't project what she felt about them which limitates my current highly charged emotionnal side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjarrell Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 So sorry for your loss. Lost my mom in '94 and it's still no damn good. And I had time to prepare. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ejp626 Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 Very, very sorry to hear this VB. I have a quite similar story, though we weren't jerked around by the hospital so much. My mother was struck down by an aneurysm at work. They rushed her to a hospital, and the surgeons did what they could to stabilize her, but huge portions of her brain was gone. Later the doctors confided that it was for the best that she died within the week, as she would never have truly recovered from the trauma and would simply have been in a vegitative state for the rest of her life, and it would have been hell on the survivors. As they waited to see what would happen post-surgery, we had roughly a week to stay in the hospital by her side, just talking, reading to her, etc. It was definitely not enough, but still a little peace. I'm somewhat comforted by the fact that we were very close and I didn't have any unfinished business with her, as so many people do with their parents. There will be plenty of rough patches ahead, but you'll pull through. The most important thing is to continue to live in a way that would make her proud. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free For All Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 The most important thing is to continue to live in a way that would make her proud. Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmer Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 (edited) I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, VB. Take care and hang in there. Edited April 13, 2009 by Jimmer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GregN Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catesta Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 You have my condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 My prayers are with you and your family as well. Unsolicited advice: you mentioned being somewhere on the grief chart: don't rush anything. Please don't feel like you have to be in a certain place on the grief chart, and don't let anyone tell you where you should be on the "grief chart" or how long you should be dealing with it ("It's been over a year, shouldn't he be over that by now?"). This is your grief, and don't let anyone take that away from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Basten II Posted April 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2009 First of all, thanks Big Al and good luck with the problems related to your daughter. Of course , once again thanks to everyone who took the time to send me their wishes Ok, little bit of news about myself, i am in a kind of limbo right now. Since there is no exposition nor funeral, i expected naïvely to take the time off from work to advance myself on the paperwork, not gonna happen. Even in these days of instant high tech communication, about everything regarding the paper work is still done by mail, it should take a month before receiving the official death certificate And until i do, i'm stuck not being able to do anything. In a weird way, feel a little bit guilty staying at home, i'm far from missing work but i wanna get back to live a normal life and the job is part of it. On the other hand, until all the succession stuff is taken care of i fear it will take a big part of my mind, so i guess i should chill it and take advantage of the day off provided when you lose close family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danasgoodstuff Posted April 15, 2009 Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 VB, Just saw this, so sorry for your loss and so sad that it was made worse than it had to be. All my best thoughts to you. fasstrack, What a nightmare, Kafkaesque indeed. All, What say we all read this and think about what's really important before we let anything small here on the board get us going? Love to all y'all, Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Basten II Posted April 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 This is getting worse, it is getting so bad it is in a way funny, at least i see the humour in it, not sure other would feel the same way, then again this is me. Yesterday a social worker from the hospital called my mother to check out on her and know how she was feeling. According to her records , my mother checked out friday morning to go back home. Nobody updated her file to let her know that the original checking out was delayed because of her below the chest pains and she was completely unaware of the following events that transpired the same day. And for my part it was the first time i've heard that they were going to check her out. Poor thing, she felt quite bad when she realized the faux-pas she just made, did not yell at her, did not go all emotional on her, just took the opportunity to go into one of my rants about how bad the communication between the hospitals and i and how unorganized they were in this department. Wonder what will happen next ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
king ubu Posted April 15, 2009 Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 Sorry to read this - my condolences! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fasstrack Posted April 16, 2009 Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 This is getting worse, it is getting so bad it is in a way funny, at least i see the humour in it, not sure other would feel the same way, then again this is me. Yesterday a social worker from the hospital called my mother to check out on her and know how she was feeling. According to her records , my mother checked out friday morning to go back home. Nobody updated her file to let her know that the original checking out was delayed because of her below the chest pains and she was completely unaware of the following events that transpired the same day. And for my part it was the first time i've heard that they were going to check her out. Poor thing, she felt quite bad when she realized the faux-pas she just made, did not yell at her, did not go all emotional on her, just took the opportunity to go into one of my rants about how bad the communication between the hospitals and i and how unorganized they were in this department. Wonder what will happen next ?Just checking in. How's it going with this now, a few days later? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Basten II Posted April 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 (edited) Thanks mate, as i mentionned in my previous message, morally doing fine , the web is a great pain releiver in a way, mostly frustrated about the procedures, paperwork and the time it takes to do all that. On a curious note, have not been able to put any music in the house since the fateful friday, which is a great departure from my normal behaviour, will try maybe later today to put some on. Edited April 16, 2009 by Van Basten II Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fasstrack Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Thanks mate, as i mentionned in my previous message, morally doing fine , the web is a great pain releiver in a way, mostly frustrated about the procedures, paperwork and the time it takes to do all that. On a curious note, have not been able to put any music in the house since the fateful friday, which is a great departure from my normal behaviour, will try maybe later today to put some on.You sound good. Good to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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