Must-read dog story from today's Chicago Tribune

[papsrus]

but first, in order to anesthetize the cute furry little thing, have it smoke a marijuana cigarette - this will insure that, in accordance with ASPCA regulations, it feels no pain - please be sure, as well, to reward it with a brownie snack -

I think brownies are worse for dogs than pot. Something about the chocolate, yes?

[AllenLowe]

well, we could also smoke the dog - hard part is keeping him lit -

[Don Brown]

Jeez, Allen, don't forget the late British tenorman Ronnie Scott's advice: "Never pat a burning dog."

[Tim McG]

What possibly makes the headline "great" or the story "crazy-good"?????

Do you find animal abuse amusing? Or perhaps stupid criminals tickles your funny bone. At any rate, for the headline to be "great" some sort of cleverness would be needed. And otherwise, the story itself is a straightforward tale of a punk and a putz who should have gotten 30 months in prison and sixty days of probation.

Careful, Dan.

I got pushed around real good on the I CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER thread for saying pretty much the same thing about abusing cats.

Lotta folks around here think that shit is funny, for some odd reason.

Edited July 5, 2008 by GoodSpeak

[AllenLowe]

somehow nobody seems to be reading Larry's posts here - what we are making light of is NOT the abuse of animals, but of the assumption that Larry's focus was on the idea of abuse as humorous - which it was not - and further, what I'm getting at is the ultimate silliness of a certain poster getting so self-righteous that he completely missed the idea, to the point of self-parody -

[Larry Kart]

I wonder if Judge John Kinsella is (or is any relation to) the famous (relatively speaking) Olympic/long-distance swimmer who went to high school in the Chicago area. (I grew up near Chi., and it's a very familiar name.)

Probably not:

"Judge John Kinsella has a different background from the other candidates.

His father painted houses for a living, and the judge worked in this business him-

self while young. His legal career spans 25 years, working as a prosecutor with

Jim Ryan and current States Attorney Joe Birkett. He held the post of Deputy

Chief in the Criminal Division, among others."

I sure do remember John Kinsella the swimmer. I went to New Trier H.S., which dominated the sport, along with Evanston, until Hinsdale came along:

"John Pitann Kinsella (born August 26, 1952) was a standout at Illinois swimming powerhouse Hinsdale Central High School in the late 1960s. As a 16 year-old, he was the silver medalist in the 1500 meter freesyle at the 1968 Summer Olympics, finishing second to U.S. teammate Mike Burton.

Kinsella was a member of the gold medal-winning 800 freestyle relay team at the 1972 Summer Olympics. In 1970 he was awarded the Amateur Athletic Union's James E. Sullivan Award for outstanding amateur athlete. In that same year he became the first person to swim 1,500 meters under 16 minutes. Kinsella, Mark Spitz and Gary Hall Sr. were part of James Counsilman's legendary team at Indiana University, which dominated men's college swimming in the early 1970s. Kinsella was the NCAA Division 1 champion in the 500 and 1650 freestyle events in 1971, 1972 and 1973. After college, Kinsella went on to swim professionally, setting a time record for swimming the English Channel. He is a member of the International Swimming Hall of Fame.

Following his swimming career, Kinsella attended Harvard Business School, and joined RBC Dain Rauscher firm as an investment officer."

[Big Al]

I'm tickled thinking of this guy trying to sound tough in the holding cell:

Lopez - What are you in for?

Big Scary Guy - I catapulted my wife over an Arbys.

That line makes this whole thread worth the read!!! I'm still laughing!

[Big Al]

well, we could also smoke the dog - hard part is keeping him lit -

Not if the dog has no legs. You could then name him "Cigarette" and take him out for a drag....

[Jazzmoose]

Now that was sick...

[T.D.]

I wonder if Judge John Kinsella is (or is any relation to) the famous (relatively speaking) Olympic/long-distance swimmer who went to high school in the Chicago area. (I grew up near Chi., and it's a very familiar name.)

Probably not...

Thanks, Larry. I went to Evanston just after the Kinsella era, but he had been all over the newspapers. Looked up the swimmer's Wiki entry, which left just a small possibility, but didn't research the judge.

[Man with the Golden Arm]

"Must-read"?