Larry Kart Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 TEEN WHO STOLE PUPPY BLEW POT SMOKE IN ITS FACE, POLICE SAY By Art Barnum | Tribune reporter 7:14 PM CDT, July 2, 2008 A Plainfield man who stole a $1,500 Pomeranian puppy and who blew marijuana smoke into its face until it passed out was sentenced Wednesday to 60 days in the DuPage County Jail. Judge John Kinsella also placed Emanuel Lopez, 19, on 30 months' probation and warned him that after he is released from jail, he will be subjected to frequent drug testing: "Bottom line is that you are a thief and we lock up thieves. Saying you were enticed is nothing more than an excuse. You're an adult." Lopez pleaded guilty in May to stealing the puppy on March 21 from a Petland store in Naperville. The dog was returned to the store three days later and has since been adopted. Prosecutors brought up the alleged abuse Wednesday as an aggravating factor in the theft. "The bottom rung of humanity abuses animals for their amusement," Kinsella told Lopez. "Anybody who abused animals for their own amusement has a problem." Assistant State's Atty. Mary Cronin said Lopez was asked to participate in the theft by two store employees. "One of the employees distracted the manager and the other made sure the coast was clear," Cronin said. Lopez stuffed the 2-pound puppy under his sweatshirt and walked out of the store, she said. Naperville Police Detective Richard Arsenault testified Wednesday that after stealing the dog, Lopez and some friends drove around the area, "blowing marijuana smoke in the dog's face until it passed out." Lopez told Kinsella that "the dog didn't pass out right away; he passed out later." "Is there a difference?" Kinsella asked. In seeking the 2-month sentence, Cronin noted Lopez has two previous theft convictions, for which he received court supervision. Cronin countered claims that Lopez was lured into the theft. "But no one enticed him to abuse the puppy," Cronin said. There's "no excuse for what he did to the puppy." One of the two former employees, Karlie Pellock, 19, of Plainfield pleaded guilty in April to theft and was placed on court supervision. The case against the other former employee, Anais Marquez, 19, also of Plainfield is pending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimi089 Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 That's some quality material. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 What possibly makes the headline "great" or the story "crazy-good"????? Do you find animal abuse amusing? Or perhaps stupid criminals tickles your funny bone. At any rate, for the headline to be "great" some sort of cleverness would be needed. And otherwise, the story itself is a straightforward tale of a punk and a putz who should have gotten 30 months in prison and sixty days of probation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Nessa Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Take another toke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiern Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Sorry, Larry, but am I missing something here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Sorry, Larry, but am I missing something here? I concur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BERIGAN Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Gosh, I really hope some dog loving fellow inmate hears about this, and can see how hard he can kick this guy in the nuts....of course, anyone who would do that do a dog, doesn't have any, anyway.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 The dog was stoned! What's wrong with you people? Pomeranian has cheezeburgers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Kart Posted July 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Dan and Chris: Obviously, your mileage does vary, but what I liked about the headline was its sound and rhythm -- especially "...STOLE PUPPY BLEW POT..." and the dying fall of "...[comma] POLICE SAY." As for the story itself -- yes, some stupid criminals do tickle my funny bone, and surely I'm not alone in this. First, the idea that this goof would think it was good idea to blow marijuana smoke into a dog's face. Second, this passage: "Lopez told Kinsella that 'the dog didn't pass out right away; he passed out later.' "'Is there a difference?' Kinsella asked." I mean, who thinks it's a mitigating factor that "the dog didn't pass out right away; he passed out later"? Further, I'm drawn to the sheer unlikeliness (to me) that someone who's dumb enough to think that saying this to the judge would be a good idea would actually do the necessary conceptual work beforehand -- that is, run through everything that occurred and select "The dog didn't pass out right away" as a potential point in his favor. No, I don't think I find animal abuse inherently amusing, but there is a sliding scale, as with human beings. For example (and no play on words intended), lots of people laugh when they see someone slip and fall, but those laughs are stifled should the fallen party be injured and in pain. In this case, if the dog weren't alive and OK now... Finally, it's that it's a two-pound Pomeranian. OK, Dan, you're right -- I'm an incipient sadist and am turning myself in before I do more harm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 See? Pomeranian has cheezeburgers. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) I'm tickled thinking of this guy trying to sound tough in the holding cell: Lopez - What are you in for? Big Scary Guy - I catapulted my wife over an Arbys. Lopez - Oh. BSG - What are you in for? Lopez - Oh, I blew pot smoke in a puppy's face. BSG - ... Edited July 4, 2008 by Alexander Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 See? Pomeranian has cheezeburgers. . Well, he will after he gets the munchies... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 See? Pomeranian has cheezeburgers. . Well, he will after he gets the munchies... There ya go... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T.D. Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) I wonder if Judge John Kinsella is (or is any relation to) the famous (relatively speaking) Olympic/long-distance swimmer who went to high school in the Chicago area. (I grew up near Chi., and it's a very familiar name.) Edited July 4, 2008 by T.D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Son-of-a-Weizen Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 "Must-read"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllenLowe Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) don't worry Larry, Gould enjoys telling anyone, in his hungover way, that whatever they think is interesting is bad - he can abuse humans on this board, but puppies are a no-no- of course, this begs the question, was it mentholated marijuana? Edited July 4, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllenLowe Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) this was just sent me by 7/4: WRITER ARRESTED FOR CUTE PUPPY INSULT Lawrence Kart, former writer for Downbeat and the Chicago Tribune, was arrested today by homeland security forces and charged with making threats against cute puppies. Florida Homeland Security, notified of the incident by a "D. Gould," notified the Chicago branch, who took Kart into custody this morning and charged him with a breach of American tradition. "Mr. Kart should know by now that we take this stuff seriously," said Detective Effron of the local Red Squad. "And we would like to issue a public thank you to Mr. Gould, whoever he is; of late he has turned in not only this fugitive jazz writer, but has given us useful tips about a dangerous guy in Maine, a sinister Danish 'foreigner' living on the West Side of New York City, and a bunch of other bad guys who seem to frequent a subversive website about jazz and make negative comments about America, Dick Cheney, and Scott Hamilton. For his trouble, we are giving Mr. Gould a free subscription to the New York Post." Gould, reached in his Florida hideaway, had "no comment" except to say: "Being Dan Gould is never having to say you're sorry." Edited July 4, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllenLowe Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) by the way, since this has angered someone, let me note that I was kidding about being sent this by 7/4 - it is a reference to a certain habit commented upon in other threads - Edited July 4, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Allen, you always take things too far. No one could possible laugh at that. On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know an effective way to clean coffee off of a keyboard and monitor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllenLowe Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 (edited) wipe it up with a puppy - Edited July 4, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Kart Posted July 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 "Must-read"? Not for you, I guess. I admit it's no thigh-slapper, but I find the combination of dryness and madness in this story (and the headline, too) irresistible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Nessa Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 wipe it up with a puppy - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 wipe it up with a puppy - same here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllenLowe Posted July 5, 2008 Report Share Posted July 5, 2008 but first, in order to anesthetize the cute furry little thing, have it smoke a marijuana cigarette - this will insure that, in accordance with ASPCA regulations, it feels no pain - please be sure, as well, to reward it with a brownie snack - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted July 5, 2008 Report Share Posted July 5, 2008 The problem with this approach is that, afterwards, you'll never be able to toke up in peace again without the damned mutt begging for shotguns... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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