Are you a Metrosexual?

[Jazzmoose]

You scored a 2!? The comment from those of us like myself who couldn't even garner a single point is that you, Moose, are totally narcissistic and in love with the shallow physical side.

You vain, Moose, you!

Sob! I confess! I'm a shallow, vain, obsessive moose who never goes out without making sure his antlers are straight...

But I must admit, I'd love to have that mirror Couw posted...

[connoisseur series500]

How about the little Moose soapholder too, Moose?

Edited September 26, 2003 by connoisseur series500

[catesta]

Maybe this fits here, maybe it doesn't.

Either way it is rather funny.

http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/index.html

[scottb]

Check out Lee Morgan. Sharp dresser, hair products, one smooth operator!

Look closer at Jimmy's hands above. Are those nails manicured or what?

Edited September 26, 2003 by scottb

[Son-of-a-Weizen]

Assuming The Dain Curse actually is a classic, and I contend that it is, I got a "2". Hey, sue me; I've got Gephardt eyebrows and this one black hair right in the middle. Drives me nuts!

I scored a 1 but wasn't exactly sure how to answer question two. I'll admit that every other week or so while shaving, I'll take a quick pass between the eyebrows with the 'ol razor to keep from looking like you, Mr. Gephardt. Does that count?

[Jazzmoose]

Press Release Source: The Haworth Press, Inc.

Man Blamed for the 'Metrosexual' Says 'Sorry' - and Outs Himself As 'Lesbosexual'

Tuesday November 18, 4:35 pm ET

BINGHAMTON, N.Y., Nov. 18 /PRNewswire/ -- British writer Mark Simpson, credited by the New York Times for fathering the 'metrosexual' -- the moisturised, image-conscious male the global media has gone ga-ga for in recent months -- has apologised.

"I had no idea what I was starting," he said, speaking exclusively from his home in London, England. "If I'd known that metrosexuals would take over the world and make everyone wear fake tan and use glutinous hair care products I would have written about baseball instead."

In the last year, literally hundreds of newspaper, magazine and TV items on 'metrosexuals' have appeared around the globe. Several well-known men have 'outed' themselves as metrosexual, including Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean (though he seems to have gone back in the 'metrocloset' shortly afterwards). This Summer's biggest hit TV series was Bravo's metrosexual makeover programme QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY.

Metrosexuality has even conquered Middle America -- in a recent hilarious episode of SOUTH PARK, all the town's males turn metrosexual after watching an episode of QUEER EYE.

Although Simpson first wrote about metrosexuals in UK national newspaper the INDEPENDENT back in 1994, the current wave of what he dubs 'metrosexmania' began after he formally introduced the term to the US with his famous article 'Meet the metrosexual' on Salon.com in July of last year, in which he cited British soccer star David Beckham as the poster-boy of metrosexuality.

Here is Simpson's pithy definition from that article: 'The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis -- because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.'

"After 'Meet the metrosexual' aired on Salon," says Simpson, "metrosexuality went from being a visually to a textually transmitted disease -- the word seems to have become even more popular than the phenomenon it describes." There are now over 24,000 Google hits for the term.

'Meet the metrosexual' was adapted from Simpson's 2002 collection of sharply satirical essays SEX TERROR: EROTIC MISADVENTURES IN POP CULTURE (Harrington Park Press), which has just been rush-reprinted. Revised and updated, it now includes Simpson's bemused response to the extraordinary fame of what he calls his 'Frankenstein monster with perfect skin terrorising and sashaying the globe," his thoughts on the way that his satire has turned into seriously hard sell -- and why the mainstream, marketing version of the metrosexual is always sold as being 'straight'.

The gay daddy of the metrosexual also makes a startling confession in SEX TERROR: "Clearly I display some of the symptoms of male vanity, but I'm a rather bad metrosexual.

"As my penchant for man-made fibre-rich sportswear and white socks would suggest, I'm more of a 'lesbosexual'. I may not be straight, but the gay 'Fab Five' would nevertheless have a hissy fit over my wardrobe. If I was stupid enough to let them into my house. Yes, I go to the gym -- but only because it's the only club that will let me in in my lesbianwear."

Other Simpsonisms from SEX TERROR to mention at dinner parties:

Metrosexmania: the media's insatiable craving for metrosexuals

Retrosexual: A man who refuses to pluck his eyebrows or use hair products

Lesbosexual: A non-stylish gay man

Metrocloset: A metrosexual who is in denial

HotSex: Sex as a form of conspicuous consumption: recreational rather

than reproductive. "In a world of HotSex", says Simpson, "the back bottom

is the new front bottom"

New Naff: Contemporary compulsory - and very, very conventional - 'good

taste' and 'style' (see also QUEER EYE)

Weber-ism: The dominant photographic signature of metrosexuality (see

also Abercrombie & Fitch)

Homoheteros: Hetero men who may or may not be metrosexual but

nevertheless avidly consume what Simpson calls 'gay porn for straight

men' such as Guy Ritchie movies, Eminem lyrics and prison rape cable

shows like OZ.

Rapismo: Hip hop gender politics

Also in SEX TERROR: Simpson is cruised by 'Galen' from PLANET OF THE APES, goes on a disastrous date with a Hollywood divorcee who isn't Liza Minelli, gets worked up with Alexis Arquette over Stephen Baldwin's bubble butt, 'outs' Brad Pitt as a one-night stand that won't leave and -- very gingerly -- confronts Henry Rollins with those 'gay' rumours.

For more information on Mark Simpson, metrosexuals and SEX TERROR visit: www.marksimpson.com

ABOUT MARK SIMPSON

Simpson is the author of several critically-acclaimed books, including MALE IMPERSONATORS, IT'S A QUEER WORLD, ANTI-GAY, THE QUEEN IS DEAD (with Steven Zeeland) and SAINT MORRISSEY. He also appears to have been an inspiration for Quentin Tarantino's manic cameo appearance in the movie SLEEP WITH ME as a party guest obsessed with the homoerotics of the classic Eighties blockbuster TOP GUN.

What the press says about Mr Simpson:

"A BRAINY THUG" - Seattle Stranger

"AN AMUSED, DETACHED VOLTAIRE" - Independent on Sunday

"THE GAY ANTI-CHRIST" - Vogue

"ERUDITE, INCISIVE, SASSY, FRESH, HILARIOUS"- Publishers Weekly

"ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST WRITERS AROUND" - Time Out

"BRILLIANTLY BUCCANEERING" - Spectator

"SERIOUSLY FUNNY" - Scotland On Sunday

"SPUNKY'" - Lambda Book Report

"ONE OF ENGLAND'S MOST ELOQUENT AND SARDONIC COMMENTATORS"- Bay Windows

"A SKINHEAD OSCAR WILDE, SIMPSON'S BON MOTS ARE BOTH ALARMING AND

AMUSING, GETTING UP PEOPLE'S NOSES AND INSIDE THEIR TROUSERS WITH EQUAL

APLOMB" - Philip Hensher

Sex Terror is available for $17.95 in soft cover (ISBN: 1-56023-377-X), or

$34.95 in hard cover (ISBN: 1-56023-376-1). (US Prices)

248 pp. July 2002

The Book is also available in bookstores or order directly from:

The Haworth Press, Inc., 10 Alice Street, Binghamton, NY 13904-1580;

Telephone in US/Canada: (800) HAWORTH; Fax: (800) 895-0582;

Telephone outside US/Canada: (607) 722-5857; Fax: (607) 771-0012;

E-mail: orders@haworthpress.com; Online: http://www.HaworthPress.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source: The Haworth Press, Inc.