A friend of mine going through some very tough times now

[BERIGAN]

I just seem purely incapable of making my points in a few paragraphs, sorry! If you get bored with what I wrote, please read the final paragraphs and make your suggestions! Thanks!

A good friend of mine is going through some very rough times right now. My Dad and I met Dale about 7 years ago at a car cruise south of Atlanta. He, like us, isn't into Corvettes, or the typical muscle cars everyone else is, but the less popular full size luxury cars of the 60's and 70's. (They are cheaper to buy as well)

Even though he is not a hands on guy with auto repairs, he has an almost photographic memory for differences between models, even for the most subtle of changes from year to year, even going back to cars from the 1930s! Even though Dale was only in his 30's then, my Dad said had never met anyone with more overall car knowledge.

Anyway, we became better friends with him since then, grabbing dinner now and then, having him over to watch a movie....

His life started to go downhill about 3 years ago when a textile job he had finally went overseas to India. He had worked for this company for 19 years...of course they canned him just before he would be eligible for retirement.

So, he ended up with a job at a car dealership. There, he met a guy that was to help him waste the next few years of his life(At some later point, I will have to tell the funny story of him outing himself to me and a clueless mutual friend, but now is not the time)

No idea what he saw in this guy, as soon as I met him, he seemed like a typical hustler, but he truly loved this guy, and would give his life for him. And the reason he finally outed himself as he approached 40.

Only reason I mention this twerp is soon after meeting him, Dale started to have health problems. All of the sudden, his leg would give out like someone had kicked him behind the knee. Also, he was suffering neuropathy in his arms it seemed,(He is a diabetic) he couldn't cut with scissors very well, no strength in his hands.

Well, after going to a few doctors, turns out, he has ALS(Lou Gerhig's disease)Prognosis is not good, when you get it at a younger age, you usually only have 5-6 years.

Meanwhile, he is not focusing on trying to maintain his health, but trying to make things work with the hustler. Very hard to see him hurt by this jerk, who would do things like take Dale's credit card and run it up. The Hustler also has a serious drug problem, and as Dale was getting weaker, this piece of work pushed him so hard into a wall, he was knocked unconscious! After we heard this, we told him never to bring this guy around our house, as even my 76 year old Dad would love to take a swing at him!

During the lost years, he lost the job at the Dealership after having his 2nd deep leg abscess from his diabetes. Got a job at a small textile company, but had to leave that after he was unable to do the physical work there.....

Ok, this gets us to my main points/questions.

He is clearly disabled, cannot work. He can still walk some with a cane,(He falls some as well) but couldn't work on a computer (unless it was voice activated)with the hand issues. He has a lawyer working on his SSI case. This has gone on for months, and months.(He hasn't worked for about 2 years) Again, Dale has been as much if not more concerned with the hustler, than anything else. On again, off again relationship. But with his health and what little wealth he had gone, the hustler is not in the picture much these days.

So, he calls the Lawyer's office now and then,and they claim they are working on it, but there are court delays, blah, blah, blah....well, Dale doesn't have a whole lot of time left in this world, and I don't get how there can be these kinds of delays for someone with ALS! Shouldn't they go to the top of the list?

My Mom, who was in terrible health, was able to get apply and receive SSI and retroactively as well, with just notes from her doctors. No lawyers were involved. It is rare not get turned down the first time, since there are so many fakers trying to collect, but she was accepted first time. This was around 2002.

So, what should he do??? He has talked about getting another Lawyer, but worries that his name will end up at the bottom of the list again. The specialist that deals with this disease was supposed to make it easier to get benefits,(Supposedly, if he diagnosised you with ALS, you got the money) but still no checks. Don't know if having a Lawyer on the case is making things more difficult...

Also, Dale had an Aunt die about 2 years ago, that left him $20,000. Of course, he hasn't seen a penny of that money either! Something about all the money being tied up in the private family business. Sounds like Bullshit to me. I don't think Dale wants to stir up family strife with this, but the Aunt left him the money.....

Dale has little money, and is back living with his 85 year old Mother that doesn't "get" his illness(Gets mad at him when he falls into her old furniture, basically threw him out of the house for awhile after he fell and destroyed her dinner table) and doesn't get that he has but 2-3 years left.

He's a great guy, and he shouldn't have to waste what little time he has left on this earth like this. I worry that with no one loving him, and this illness, he will just end it all if something doesn't go his way soon.......

Edited April 27, 2008 by BERIGAN

[Alexander]

I'm sure sorry to hear about your friend's problems. My maternal grandfather died of ALS when I was about six years old. It's a particularly nasty and undignified way to die.

[Christiern]

Conrad, I sent you a PM (lengthy, I'm afraid).

[Jazzmoose]

Wish I could help. Other than beating the shit out of the leech, I can't think of anything.

[catesta]

Wish I could help. Other than beating the shit out of the leech, I can't think of anything.

Conrad, sorry to hear about your friend and his problems. I have no answer to your real question, but have to agree with the moose here. I'd knock the shit out of the other dude. At the very least that would take him out of the picture and maybe make your friend's last few years a little better.

If you want I can give you a 718 number and make that happen.

[Spontooneous]

Think seriously about replacing that lawyer. Especially if that lawyer was recommended by your friend's friend.

[Tim McG]

I am very sorry for your friend, BERIGAN, and I sincerely pray for the end to his suffering. Sounds like it really sucks and I would never want to go through that myself.

I am sorry.

Edited January 8, 2008 by GoodSpeak

[7/4]

I'm sorry to hear about all this, Beri. I think he needs a new lawyer.

[AllenLowe]

aside from voting Democratic in the next election -

but seriously, I would deal first with the SSI (or is it SSDI?) question - I would contact his congressman's office for help, as they probably deal with this all the time - and I would do this ASAP -

[catesta]

aside from voting Democratic in the next election -

but seriously, I would deal first with the SSI (or is it SSDI?) question - I would contact his congressman's office for help, as they probably deal with this all the time - and I would do this ASAP -

This is actually a really good suggestion. It's amazing what they will do when a vote is on the line, plus it is their job to help.

I know someone that called on a senator once to help get his mother assistance when she was in failing health. The state rejected her for coverage. The senator's office straightened it all out and she was accepted into the nursing home.

[jazzbo]

My advice: be the very best friend you can be.

[Son-of-a-Weizen]

All of the sudden, his leg would give out like someone had kicked him behind the knee.

Dale has little money, and is back living with his 85 year old Mother that doesn't "get" his illness(Gets mad at him when he falls into her old furniture, basically threw him out of the house for awhile after he fell and destroyed her dinner table) and doesn't get that he has but 2-3 years left.

My wife had 15 days of full brain radiation in August and that was one of the side effects....that shit freaked me out like I can't even begin to describe and I can feel empathy for your pal. I'd follow Allen's advice on the SS thing and ring up the local congressional district office and get a caseworker on the phone. They live & breathe that stuff.

[PHILLYQ]

Berigan,

Your friend needs a new lawyer ASAP! Anyone with ALS should be a slamdunk for disability.

You're being a real friend to this guy, which is probably what he needs badly, someone who is not out to fleece him or abuse him. I hope everything works out OK and I applaud you for doing the right thing by him.

[BERIGAN]

A quick update....Chris A was nice enough to look into some organizations that might be able to help, but nothing came of it...I have had my own(Minor) health issues to contend with of late, plus Dale still talks/visits that worthless POS from time to time....Which makes it hard to talk to him at those times...

Anyway, Dale called and talked to my Dad yesterday...things are not going well.....his "Mom" is just one in name only. Instead of doing everything in her power to help her weakening son, she wants him out of "her"house(The house Dale and his brother own 50/50) Dale is now afraid of leaving the house, since she has changed the locks he said...Hell, he hasn't been able to bathe for 2 weeks!!!!(Don't know exactly why, I don't know if she helps him in some way, he does have a chair to sit in, in the shower)

Nothing is new on the SSI situation either. He talked to a former congressman, who I believe is now the mayor of his small town, that acted like not to worry, he'd straighten it all out.....That was over a month ago...

How much can one person take???? Bad enough to be dying of a disease, but to have you own Mother reject you this way...to not even feel safe to shower....I just don't see how this can go on much longer like this....and what makes it even more sad, is that all things considered, he is getting around a bit better than 6 months ago! With a cane and walking a bit like a duck, he hasn't been falling nearly as much....shit...any thoughts, suggestions at this point???

[papsrus]

Bless you man. This is a bad situation, obviously.

We have a fellow at work with ALS. He's in his mid-50s and has been dealing with the disease for well over a decade now. He is completely dependent on health aids, his wife and his family to function. He cannot move or talk or even breath on his own, and his speech is barely understandable. Yet he still works, using a speech device to translate his thoughts into the written word. And his mind -- and his sense of humor -- are as sharp as ever. He is a rare cat indeed.

Given the progression of this disease, your friend will need continuous care soon. It sounds like he may already be at this stage. But he may live for quite a while with proper care, if my co-worker is any barometer. ... There must be a local organization near you that deals with ALS cases. I would contact area hospitals, hospice centers, clinics and any health care professionals that you know -- your doctor -- for advice on where to turn for immediate help for your friend. It sounds like he is close to suffering abuse from his family and the con man. Someone trained to deal with the needs of an ALS patient needs to step in on his behalf.

[Dan Gould]

Conrad,

a PM is incoming.

[clifford_thornton]

Conrad, this is one instance in which you are a prince among men.

I think others have offered some great advice, so I don't really have much to add.

I think you should certainly try more than just advising him, and actually - when you can - find a lawyer or a "useful" politician who can help. Arrange a meeting and make sure you're there.