Chili recipes

[Peter Johnson]

Peter,

I'm certainly not a southerner but I've had success with this recipe.

Yummmmm. Maple syrup. Pecans. How can it be bad!!!

Thanks for the heads-up!

Edited September 30, 2004 by Peter Johnson

[Eric]

not for the easily offended ...

They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the city park. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Canada.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

Chili 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT...just like this is nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach!

Chili 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

[catesta]

Not a chili recipe, but I think this will qualify as good eating for the fall season.

When my father makes pasta fazool, he makes it very thick, this is a recipe for a more soup like dish.

Pasta e Fagioli

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

2 medium onions, thinly sliced

1 garlic clove, chopped

4 cans white kidney beans, washed and drained

1 bunch parsley, minced

1 sprig rosemary, minced

1 cup tomato sauce

1 pinch oregano

1 pinch red crushed pepper

8 pancetta slices, chopped

1 quart vegetable broth

1 pound anellini pasta

In a large skillet warm 2 tablespoons of olive oil; add the onions and garlic and sauté until brown. Pour 1 can of beans into a food processor and process until a smooth consistency is obtained. Add to the onions, along with the parsley, rosemary, oregano, chili pepper, and pancetta, and cook for about 5 minutes. Meanwhile, in a large pot, pour the broth; add the tomato sauce and the 3 cans of beans. Cook for about 30 minutes, stirring continuously. Add the pasta and the puréed beans mixture. Cook until al dente and serve hot. Serves 8

[Peter Johnson]

not for the easily offended ...

LMAO!!!

Funniest thing I've read it a while!

[rachel]

HAM AND CHEESE SPOON BREAD

1 cup grits

1 1/4 cups boiling water

1 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese (about 4 ounces)

1 tablespoon butter

1/2 cup diced smoked ham (about 3 ounces)

1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

2 large eggs

Preheat oven to 425°F. Butter 4- to 6-cup soufflé dish or casserole. Place grits in large bowl; whisk in 1 1/4 cups boiling water. Add cheese and butter; whisk until melted. Whisk in smoked ham and cayenne pepper. Season with salt and pepper. Mix in eggs. Pour batter into prepared dish. Bake spoon bread until set at edges but barely set in center, about 18 minutes.

I'm now searching for my beer brisket recipe....

[rachel]

BEER-BRAISED BRISKET WITH ONIONS

Active time: 25 min Start to finish: 4 1/2 hr

1 (31/2- to 4-lb) boneless beef brisket, trimmed of excess fat

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 lb onions, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced lengthwise (6 cups)

1 Turkish or 1/2 California bay leaf

1 (12-oz) bottle beer (not dark)

1 beef bouillon cube, crumbled

1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Pat brisket dry and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a 6- to 8-quart wide heavy pot over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then brown meat well on all sides, about 10 minutes total. Transfer with tongs to a platter.

Cook onions with bay leaf in fat remaining in pot over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until golden, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from heat and transfer half of onions to a bowl. Arrange brisket over onions in pot, then top with remaining onions. Add beer, bouillon cube, and vinegar (liquid should come about halfway up sides of meat) and bring to a boil.

Cover pot and braise in middle of oven until meat is very tender, 3 to 3 1/2 hours. Cool in sauce, uncovered, 30 minutes.

Transfer brisket to a clean cutting board. Skim off any fat from sauce, then season with salt and pepper. Slice meat across the grain and serve with sauce.

Cooks' note:

• Brisket improves in flavor if braised 2 days ahead. Cool in sauce, uncovered, then chill, surface covered with parchment paper or wax paper and pot covered with lid. Remove any solidified fat before reheating. Slice cold meat across the grain and reheat in oven with sauce in a shallow baking pan, covered, 45 minutes.

Makes 8 servings.

Gourmet

January 2003

[Joe G]

Y'all are into grits down in Indy?

[rachel]

I have bona fide south-of-the-Mason-Dixon-Line kinfolk...

I eat black eyed peas on New Years, too... (sans oysters--could never choke one of those down...)

[Joe G]

I've never had grits or black-eyed peas. Total Yankee.

[Jazzmoose]

not for the easily offended ... 

LMAO!!!

Funniest thing I've read it a while!

I'm dying here! This was great....but I may have to take a break from the board for a while. For some reason I felt the need to read it out loud to my wife, and she's giving me that "look"....

[SEK]

A reliable and delicious chili recipe:

NUMERO UNO CHILI from Manhattan Chili Co., NYC

¼ C olive oil

2 large yellow onions (about 4 C), chopped

2 lb coarsely ground beef (shank, shoulder or chuck)

2 lb coarsely ground pork

Salt

1/3 C mild, unseasoned chile powder (I use ground chile from New Mexico)

3 Tbs ground cumin, from toasted seeds, if possible

3 Tbs dried oregano, preferably Mexican

3 Tbs unsweetened cocoa powder (NOT Dutch Process)

2 Tbs ground cinnamon

2 tsp cayenne pepper, or to taste

4 C tomato juice

3 C beef stock or canned broth

8 medium garlic cloves, peeled and minced

2 Tbs yellow cornmeal or masa (more as needed)

32 oz cooked kidney or pinto beans (drained and rinsed, if canned)

Warm oil in large skillet, over medium heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine beef and pork in a 4 to 5 qt heavy, flameproof casserole or Dutch oven over medium heat. Season with 1 Tbs salt and cook, stirring often, until meat has lost its pink color and is evenly crumbled, about 20 minutes.

Scrape onions into casserole with meats. Stir in chili powder, cumin, oregano, cocoa, cinnamon and cayenne pepper. Cook, stirring, 5 minutes. Stir in tomato juice and beef stock. Bring to a boil. Then lower heat and simmer, uncovered, 1 hour.

Taste, correct seasonings and simmer 30 minutes or until chili is thickened to your liking. Stir in garlic. To thicken chili further or to bind any surface fats, stir in masa or cornmeal. Stir in beans. Simmer another 5 to 10 minutes.

[rachel]

Here's one I was skeptical of at first but turns out to be magnificent:

Sweet potato Crockpot Chili

3 Sweet Potatoes (or yams)

1 Onion

1.5 cups frozen corn

1 can pinto beans

1 can black beans

1/2 packet taco seasoning

1 small can or jar of your favorite salsa (in this instance I use a small can or Herdez salsa casera, or a small can of sliced hatch chilis)

Dice the potato and onion, combine all ingredients and cook four hours on high or eight hours on low.

You can also add sausage if you have to have some meat. If you're in central Texas use some Elgin sausage, not the HOT variety.

This is some great eatin' with a salad and some cornbread or Texas Toast. . .

This looks great; I think I'll try this but was wondering how much this recipe makes? Does it need to be doubled if I make it in my 6 quart crockpot?