How did you guys meet your significant other?

[Man with the Golden Arm]

At work (a textbook publishing house) in 1970. Interestingly, perhaps, an older married friend there had mentioned to me, when I was lamenting various aspects of a long semi-ugly relationship that had come to an end several months befor and obviously never should have begun, that men are like animals in the sense that when it comes time for them to mate (as in pair off) they will (probably for the first time in their lives) begin to find/see the kind of women that they should pair off with -- and if you're lucky, it will be one women, and she'll feel the same way about you.

That must have been the same textbook company, well if the text book in and of itself could/should have anything to do with, that made me flunk out of my third semester organic chemistry class and forced me to change my major (which unfortunately lead to me not meeting a really hot lab assistant).

[Teasing the Korean]

In a bar, although she remembers seeing me at a party prior. She supports my jazz habit - both playing it and lugging LPs into the house. She's responsible for a good number of the LPs, too. Once we merged our record collections and unloaded the duplicates, I knew it was forever.

[mikeweil]

My girlfriend at the time was 7 months pregnant at the time, but it was a very difficult partnership, and a few months later I threw in the towel (as a consequence I haven't seen my daughter since she was four months old ...).

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing? All fine and dandy on the "soul mate" front and the search for good vibes in partnership and marriage, but I sincerely hope some of Mike's best friends told him he was an utter jerk in this respect; if not for leaving the mother of his 4 month old child, then for not leaving her 13 months earlier.

John, it was not that simple - it really was a difficult relationship, we both made our mistakes, but she was changing her attitudes very fast at the time and was the first to say she didn't know if she'd rather break up, but she hadn't the courage to do it. That was almost a year before she got pregnant. When that happened I predicted we would now make it or this would make us part. I tried my very best to stay with her, but doing so would have meant losing my identity - no kidding. I was the bad boy all the time, the poor musician not making enough money etc. - you can ask all my friends, they all confirmed it was the best I could do to split.

Now marrying another woman, and so fast, had nothing to do with this, it was another process altogether, I had been true to my partner until the day we parted and months beyond, if you implied this.

My former partner later moved to another city without telling me and now refuses to reveal her adress or letting me have contact.

It's all a very complicated and painful situation, and my wife, who had to grow up without ever seeing her father knows what this is all about, and she says I did right.

There is no perfect solution in a situation like this, and I had countless sleepless nights before I made that decision and I have been thinking it over again and again and again - you can only make mistakes. It's tragic.

Edited September 19, 2007 by mikeweil

[Aggie87]

What is sad is that you and your daughter don't have a relationship. Her mother should allow for that, regardless of whatever issues exist between you and her..... at least, IMO.

[paul secor]

We met during a church bowling league, but I had had seen her before at church. I fell head over hells for her the moment I saw her. In fact, I started going to choir practice on Wednesday nights so I could be with her (she was going through a divorce at the time*). I am very proud of how I warmed/wormed my way into her heart: I lived with my folks (I was in college) and we lived very close to church, about a fifteen-minute walk. I would walk to choir practice, and then walk home afterwards, hoping she would drive past me and offer me a ride (this was around November 1990). To this day, I'm still surprised that worked as well as it did! The first time I tried that trick, her daughter--who was three at the time--was sitting in the back and said, "Now you're my daddy!" My wife was completely flabbergasted and embarrassed, but in my heart I was thinking "Gimme time, kiddo!" The divorce was final in March of '91, and we began dating shortly afterwards

That was seventeen years ago. Three years after that (January 1994), we were married and her daughter became our daughter; we included her in the ceremony as part of the wedding vows. Two years later, my wife and I had a son, and the rest is living continuing history.

*I want to make it clear that the divorce was in process long before we met, and they were separated long before I entered the picture. I should also add that I had a great relationship with my spouse's ex. He was always supportive of how I was raising his daughter, and he never gave me any grief. In fact, after our son was born, he was so happy for us. He treated Nathan like his own son, sending him birthday and Christmas presents, and even inviting him to come with his daughter on visitation weekends as he got older. When he passed away last year, we went to the memorial, and his widow told me how much he loved Nathan, and that I was the best "step-husband" he'd ever had. I know that there was some history between him and my wife, and I don't deny the strain that was always there. But he was always good to me, he was always good to my son. And for that, I was completely blessed; I've heard the nightmare stories of psycho ex-spouses and this was clearly a happy exception!

Enjoyed reading your story, Al.

[AndrewHill]

[Teasing the Korean]

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing?

Am I the only one who finds your reaction presumptuous and judgmental?

[mikeweil]

Either way though I would not judge anyone's choices unless they went running because they refused to support or have any concern for their child.

I didn't leave for the child, and I pay a considerable part of my income for the child - I supported the mother as best as I could during pregnancy, witnessing the birth was the most moving experience in my whole life - but everything I did and every attitude I had was wrong in that woman's view. You always know better after the fact .....

[couw]

My girlfriend at the time was 7 months pregnant at the time, but it was a very difficult partnership, and a few months later I threw in the towel (as a consequence I haven't seen my daughter since she was four months old ...).

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing? All fine and dandy on the "soul mate" front and the search for good vibes in partnership and marriage, but I sincerely hope some of Mike's best friends told him he was an utter jerk in this respect; if not for leaving the mother of his 4 month old child, then for not leaving her 13 months earlier.

John, it was not that simple ...

thanks for the explanation, I hope you will concur that your story needed one!

[mikeweil]

What is sad is that you and your daughter don't have a relationship. Her mother should allow for that, regardless of whatever issues exist between you and her..... at least, IMO.

I could enforce this at court, but that's not my way of handling such things. Any strain betweeen me and the mother will have a negative effect on my daughter, that's my experience.

My wife who went through never getting to know her father assures me the girl will go to see her father some day - she's welcome. My adress hasn't changed.

[couw]

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing?

Am I the only one who finds your reaction presumptuous and judgmental?

ah well, at least I showed a reaction; guess that proves I'm still alive.

[mikeweil]

thanks for the explanation, I hope you will concur that your story needed one!

Well, I understand your move, but you could have asked first - never mind.

Yes it is disturbing - it always was, and it still is, and will always be.

[catesta]

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing?

Am I the only one who finds your reaction presumptuous and judgmental?

ah well, at least I showed a reaction; guess that proves I'm still alive.

Well, it proves you read all the posts and not just the funnies.

Jury is still out on whether or not you're still alive.

[Christiern]

I could write a book about how my mother met her various husbands--with a second volume on the intermediate husband candidates.

[Big Al]

We met during a church bowling league, but I had had seen her before at church. I fell head over hells for her the moment I saw her. In fact, I started going to choir practice on Wednesday nights so I could be with her (she was going through a divorce at the time*). I am very proud of how I warmed/wormed my way into her heart: I lived with my folks (I was in college) and we lived very close to church, about a fifteen-minute walk. I would walk to choir practice, and then walk home afterwards, hoping she would drive past me and offer me a ride (this was around November 1990). To this day, I'm still surprised that worked as well as it did! The first time I tried that trick, her daughter--who was three at the time--was sitting in the back and said, "Now you're my daddy!" My wife was completely flabbergasted and embarrassed, but in my heart I was thinking "Gimme time, kiddo!" The divorce was final in March of '91, and we began dating shortly afterwards

That was seventeen years ago. Three years after that (January 1994), we were married and her daughter became our daughter; we included her in the ceremony as part of the wedding vows. Two years later, my wife and I had a son, and the rest is living continuing history.

*I want to make it clear that the divorce was in process long before we met, and they were separated long before I entered the picture. I should also add that I had a great relationship with my spouse's ex. He was always supportive of how I was raising his daughter, and he never gave me any grief. In fact, after our son was born, he was so happy for us. He treated Nathan like his own son, sending him birthday and Christmas presents, and even inviting him to come with his daughter on visitation weekends as he got older. When he passed away last year, we went to the memorial, and his widow told me how much he loved Nathan, and that I was the best "step-husband" he'd ever had. I know that there was some history between him and my wife, and I don't deny the strain that was always there. But he was always good to me, he was always good to my son. And for that, I was completely blessed; I've heard the nightmare stories of psycho ex-spouses and this was clearly a happy exception!

Enjoyed reading your story, Al.

Thanks! FWIW, I cleared up some pronoun vagueness in my original post. In the above paragraph, I don't know if it was clear that my spouse's ex-husband passed away.

[trane_fanatic]

I just contacted a lady that I went on a first date with this past weekend about a 2nd date a few minutes ago. I thought the first time went pretty well, so cross your fingers for me, guys. Just a wee bit nervous.

[Dan Gould]

I just contacted a lady that I went on a first date with this past weekend about a 2nd date a few minutes ago. I thought the first time went pretty well, so cross your fingers for me, guys. Just a wee bit nervous.

Good luck, but after a successful first date, is it best to ask her out via email the next time?

[Christiern]

To me, they were all significant--some longer than others.

[aparxa]

and some taller than others.

[trane_fanatic]

I just contacted a lady that I went on a first date with this past weekend about a 2nd date a few minutes ago. I thought the first time went pretty well, so cross your fingers for me, guys. Just a wee bit nervous.

Good luck, but after a successful first date, is it best to ask her out via email the next time?

That's just my way. On the initial first ask after the date, I try not to put people on the spot (and tell them that via e-mail). If they have any further interest at all, they'll write back with some type of response.

[Dan Gould]

I just contacted a lady that I went on a first date with this past weekend about a 2nd date a few minutes ago. I thought the first time went pretty well, so cross your fingers for me, guys. Just a wee bit nervous.

Good luck, but after a successful first date, is it best to ask her out via email the next time?

That's just my way. On the initial first ask after the date, I try not to put people on the spot (and tell them that via e-mail). If they have any further interest at all, they'll write back with some type of response.

I see. I assume its worked in the past, so ... hope you get that second date.

[trane_fanatic]

I just contacted a lady that I went on a first date with this past weekend about a 2nd date a few minutes ago. I thought the first time went pretty well, so cross your fingers for me, guys. Just a wee bit nervous.

Good luck, but after a successful first date, is it best to ask her out via email the next time?

That's just my way. On the initial first ask after the date, I try not to put people on the spot (and tell them that via e-mail). If they have any further interest at all, they'll write back with some type of response.

I see. I assume its worked in the past, so ... hope you get that second date.

Thanks Dan!