How did you guys meet your significant other?

[MoGrubb]

I don't have a significant other, probably won't since I'm in my 60s. It'd be nice to have a partner going into old age.

Such is life.

[JSngry]

She introduced herself to me after a gig. It was literally love at first sight. I turned around, there she was. The second I made eye contact I was like, "UH-oh. This is it!" And so it was, and so it still is.

To you guys "still looking, still waiting", all I can say is this - don't overthink it. I've seen more potentially good long-term relationships go down the tubes because one or both parties got hung up on the other's "quirks" and let it ruin their respective days, and eventually thier relationsships.

Life is not perfect, so she won't be either. And you damn sure ain't. So hold on to what's really important, that "spiritual" attraction and bond, work on keeping that together and strengthening it, and let everything else just be what it is. There's always a million excuses to break up, but only one good reason to stay together.

So don't get distracted.

[AndrewHill]

I guess I'm one of the very few that met my future wife in a bar. I was a senior in college and was not actively looking for anyone to date as I just recently ended a relationship with a girl that wasn't going anywhere. So as fate would have it, it was actually the best circumstance to meet someone. I'll never forget the moment that our eyes locked; we knew that there was a great potential for a chemisty between us. We introduced ourselves to each other and we couldn't stop talking to each other. I asked for her number and I was nervous that the next day when I was going to ask her for a date that some of the spark would be gone. On the contrary, we ended up on the phone for another two hours and our date that night was fantastic. In November we will be celebrating our tenth year anniversary and we still have such a great relationship. The fact that we are so compatible and our conversations are still exciting and fun makes all the difference.

Concerning the on-line dating services, a friend of ours was having terrible luck finding a date and decided to give one of those services (I think it was Match.com) a try. Three years later he and his wife will celebrating their first year anniversary and they are quite a happy couple.

[jazzbo]

jazzbo - you are a lucky man.

Yes, I am. I remind myself of that as I sit here in the Intensive Care Unit staring at my wife behind the oxygen mask!

(She's finally getting better, after three days here suffering from acute graft vs. host disease outbreak #1, "engraftment syndrome.")

JS, great advice.

[Niko]

Also academically. In a philosophy class at University.

philosophy class, too... (guess none of us would wish to enter a philosoph class again these days unless for money but that was six years ago)

[DukeCity]

I was playing a gig at a church here in town that has a house jazz trio as the music (plus a guest each week). My wife was there, and asked the bass player about "my situation." He told me about her and introduced us a couple of weeks later. We just recently celebrated our First Hundred Days of marriage!

I have some friends who found their spouses on match.com, and I tried it for a while. Met some nice women, but never made any real connections.

Edited September 16, 2007 by DukeCity

[mikeweil]

There's always a million excuses to break up, but only one good reason to stay together.

So don't get distracted.

More wise words.

[porcy62]

You got to love yourself before you can be loved, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. You have to be secure in your own skin, you know? It took me awhile to figure that out.

Very wise words.

Indeed. I would add that at 45 y/o after 3 long relationships, the last is still running with its highs and lows, one thing I've learned is that you don't have to live the end of a relationship as a failure. A relationship is the sum of two individuals, not always they go and grown in the same direction. I know that at first it's like the end of the world: you lost self-esteem, ecc, but it happened to me, after a while, often a very long while, I thought at the positive things I had and gave in my previous relationships.

edit: one hint, don't look for the definitive or perfect partner. Only times will tell you if they'll turn out to be your half forever. And be sincere from the start, don't hide the aspects of your personality that you don't like yourself.

Edited September 16, 2007 by porcy62

[Alexander]

jazzbo - you are a lucky man.

Yes, I am. I remind myself of that as I sit here in the Intensive Care Unit staring at my wife behind the oxygen mask!

(She's finally getting better, after three days here suffering from acute graft vs. host disease outbreak #1, "engraftment syndrome.")

JS, great advice.

My wife has had health problems too. She was diagnosed with M.S. about ten years ago. For a while it looked like she was going to end up in a wheelchair, but we found a great neurologist who peformed wonders with steroid therapy and appropriate medication. She still has problems, but at least she can walk and use her hands! She has had some related problems that have required surgery. In fact, she's going under the knife for the third time this year on Wednesday. When she was first diagnosed, her doctor told us that a great many marriages fail under the strain of having a spouse with illness. I literally cannot understand that. I love my wife more than life itself, and I'll be damned if I ever leave her because she's sick!

[paul secor]

My wife's father brought us together.

I knew him as a customer at the post office where I worked, and one day ran into him at a local supermarket. We exchanged greetings, and he said, "You know, my daughter thinks you're a nice guy." I'd always thought that his daughter was attractive so I decided to call her and ask her out to dinner. She accepted and we've been together since then.

The funny thing is, her father probably didn't mean anything by his comment. My wife told me sometime later that he had once made a passing comment, "That man at the post office seems like a nice guy." And she had just answered' "Yes, he does"', never thinking anything about it. It may have been unintentional, but he got us together.

[Jazzmoose]

I was moonlighting at a friends' gas station, trying to make ends meet after my business failed, and she walked up to the cubicle. She fell for me immediately (her lack of taste in men is her only fault, though...), but it took a while for me to warm. I fought and fought, but she finally landed me. Thank goodness!

[MoGrubb]

I nominate this "The boringest goddam thread, ever."

[7/4]

I nominate this "The boringest goddam thread, ever."

Nah.

I'm still looking to meet her. I must be looking in the wrong places...

[Jim Alfredson]

Very wise words from Sangry. Compatable interests is important, too. As a musician, who does this fulltime, it is extremely important that my wife is also an artist (she got her degree in oil painting!) She understands the need to create and lets me live this dream of being a musician, even sacrificing her own creativity sometimes (although her new job allows her to use her visual talents much more than her last one!)

On our first date, one of the first things I told her was that I was a musician; that was what I did for a living. She didn't run away! In fact, she thought it was fantastic! When we went to her mother's house after dinner and I saw the beautiful, gigantic mural she painted in her mother's kitchen, I fell even more in love with her.

[GARussell]

And... have any of these online dating sites ever worked for you fellow O-heads?

I have a nephew and a niece who both met their spouses using online dating services. Each has three kids and solid marriages.

We are a Catholic family, and both of the dating services are for Catholics. If you belong to a religion, you might consider looking to see if it has such a service. Religion is an important concept, and many people find that it helps to find a soulmate by looking for someone who shares one's core values.

[GARussell]

I'm proud to announce that we have a second baby on the way

Great news, Jim!

[catesta]

I hired her back in 2000 as an office assistant. I was heading towards divorce as was she, and you know what they say, shit happens.

We clicked, what else can I say?

I've yet to pull the trigger on a second marriage, but all is good at work and home. Maybe it's just a matter of time.

Edited September 16, 2007 by catesta

[tonym]

I became besotted with my wife when I saw her perform on stage, age 15, in knee high boots, fishnet stockings and glitter in her hair.

[jazzbo]

jazzbo - you are a lucky man.

Yes, I am. I remind myself of that as I sit here in the Intensive Care Unit staring at my wife behind the oxygen mask!

(She's finally getting better, after three days here suffering from acute graft vs. host disease outbreak #1, "engraftment syndrome.")

JS, great advice.

My wife has had health problems too. She was diagnosed with M.S. about ten years ago. For a while it looked like she was going to end up in a wheelchair, but we found a great neurologist who peformed wonders with steroid therapy and appropriate medication. She still has problems, but at least she can walk and use her hands! She has had some related problems that have required surgery. In fact, she's going under the knife for the third time this year on Wednesday. When she was first diagnosed, her doctor told us that a great many marriages fail under the strain of having a spouse with illness. I literally cannot understand that. I love my wife more than life itself, and I'll be damned if I ever leave her because she's sick!

Sorry to hear that Alexander.

I can understand marriages failing, not yours or mine perhaps, under the stress and strain. Helen and I have had our life turned upside down since her diagnosis of lymphoma in November 2005 and now on her second bone marrow transplant without the selfless help of several friends and financial assistance from family, and the luck that I have been working for an agency for 23 years and not only have I saved an inordinate amount of leave time to use but have been granted the priviledge to do some work from out of town while caring my wife, we'd be financially ruined and I don't know how fragile our mental conditions would be. I can and have seen lesser things take down marriages. They obviously weren't the strongest of marriages but there are all kinds of marriages and I'm not going to be too judgmental. . . .

[Tom Storer]

I went to Paris for a year of studies abroad in the fall of 1979. My wife moved to Paris from Ireland at the same time and was working as an assistant English teacher in a Paris lycée. It so happened that part of my study program involved spending a few hours a week at a lycée providing assistance to an English teacher. And so we met. This was a public school but somewhat posh, and the teacher's dining room was just that--not a cafeteria but a room where you sat at a table with place settings, chose from among two main dish possibilities, were served at table, and were allowed to drink wine with your meal. She and I began to have great conversations over lunch at the school, getting slightly sauced. I'd been given a card that allowed me to eat in the teacher's dining room all week long, even though I only came in usually two days a week, so I would frequently go around there for lunch just to talk to her. We soon discovered that she was staying in a place just two metro stops from where I was, and before long we had started courtin'; the school dining room remained a regular meeting place, but now we also worked the bistros on the boulevard de Ménilmontant. Decades later, eating a nice meal with nice wine while engaged in deep conversation is still probably our favorite activity together (well, second-favorite).

I had to go back to the States at the end of that year to finish a semester in college, and then I went straight back to Paris and have been here ever since. After living together for a couple of years, we got married in 1983. Our son is twenty.

If I were single today, I'd definitely take advantage of online dating services. I've known several couples who met that way with happy results. One friend put her profile up on a dating service, met Mr. Right, and we were attending their wedding ten months later. When you're in your late teens and early twenties, the combination of raging hormones and intense socializing, hence plentiful possibilities, often result in spontaneous ignition of True Love. When you're a grown-up I think there's a lot to be said for giving yourself more possibilities in a methodical way.

[trane_fanatic]

Thanks, folks, for all of your stories thus far. Believe me, I'm as open-minded as they come and am exploring all my options in my continuing quest. Guess I've just been meeting the wrong people. Good luck to you all both in relationships and those in the same boat as me.

[Larry Kart]

At work (a textbook publishing house) in 1970. Interestingly, perhaps, an older married friend there had mentioned to me, when I was lamenting various aspects of a long semi-ugly relationship that had come to an end several months befor and obviously never should have begun, that men are like animals in the sense that when it comes time for them to mate (as in pair off) they will (probably for the first time in their lives) begin to find/see the kind of women that they should pair off with -- and if you're lucky, it will be one women, and she'll feel the same way about you.

[Christiern]

Hanne and I met at the Storyville Club, a dockside jazz joint that was Denmark's first of its kind. She and her girlfriend, Rita, came there every Saturday night to hear the traditional jazz fare. They noticed that some of us always went to a party after closing and they were determined to become a part of this in crowd. One night, as we prepared o close the club and go party, someone mentioned hat we needed more girls, another guy pointed to Hanne and Rita, who were never far away at closing time. Some of us groaned, feeling that they were too eager, but we took them along and soon discovered that our original assessment had been way off the mark. Later, I moved on to Iceland and sent for Hanne. A couple of months after that, we went to Copenhagen's City Hall and made it official.

We had a great time together, but eventually decided that we could have more fun without the official papers, so we threw a big divorce party an the military base in Iceland, where we were both working by then.

54 years later, although we each have had other significant others, our mutual significance has not faded and we live in different parts of the U.S. and keep in touch--though not as often as we should. Hanne and Rita stopped talking to each other decades ago, which had a lot to do with Rita's choice of a significant other.

[connoisseur series500]

I was moonlighting in Thailand by teaching some evening language classes. My future wife was in one of my classes, and something told me instantly that we would be permanently attached. I can't remember how I approached her, but I don't think it took too long for me to do so.

We are still happily married 22 years from the date of our marriage. We have one son. I cannot give any advice to anyone as I think we are all different and approach things differently. I have no experience with dating services, so I can add nothing on that score.

Great story Alexander and Jazzbo! Your wives are fortunate to have such husbands.

[mikelz777]

I (a Minnesota native) interviewed the woman who would become my future wife (a native of Long Island, New York) for a job as an assistant hospitality manager at a dude ranch in Bandera, Texas of all places. I knew there was something uniquely special about her as soon as I met her which only grew stronger over time. At one point I was totally crushed when I (hopefully) covertly was feeling out her situation and possible feelings toward me only to find out that she hoped to eventually be reconciled with her old boyfriend and get married. That attempt apparently was not to be and we married about 4 years later in Pennsylvania and settled for good in Minnesota about a year after that. It all happened where and when I least expected it. We've been married 17 years.

Edited September 17, 2007 by mikelz777