So

[Jazzin'D92]

There's this girl who likes our band director, so he's like about 24 yrs older than her? Anyways she doesn't know what to do...it's crazy. She strives to be the best she can be, it's like she doesn't want to dissapoint him. Now since most of you are older men, how would you respond to this???

Danielle

[Van Basten II]

I maybe getting a little old but if i had a girl 24 years younger than me which i would be involved, i'd end up in jail.

Seriously, why this young woman is attracted to this man, is there an oedipian connection, is this relation is one of the master-disciple kind ?

Has this women dated older man before, is the man interested in dating youger woman (yeah right but who knows ?)

I can't answer for the guy because i don't know him, anyway i think to have any kind of relationship with someone who could be a pupil, it would be important to find common ground outside of their sphere of work.

Find out what he enjoys outside his work, talk about it and see where it could lead.

Edited May 26, 2007 by Van Basten II

[Van Basten II]

By the way this thread belongs more in the non-political section or create a section called Dear Abby. In my book it be better than a classical ection.

[clifford_thornton]

Danielle's peer is in high school, I assume.

Yikes.

It freaks me out that I've even looked twice at an 18-year-old girl, and I'm 30.

[AndrewHill]

There's this girl who likes our band director, so he's like about 24 yrs older than her? Anyways she doesn't know what to do...it's crazy. She strives to be the best she can be, it's like she doesn't want to dissapoint him. Now since most of you are older men, how would you respond to this???

Danielle

I would say its a bad idea. I'm a prof (I'm 36) and deal mostly with adults and I would never get involved with a student, or if a student expressed interest in me I'd shoot it down (as tactfully as possible)immediately. Ethically and legally, your band director should do his best to make sure that their relationship does not go beyond student-teacher. Just my two cents.

HG

[7/4]

It's a good way for him to loose his job and/or go to jail.

[Guest donald petersen]

the band director at my HS married one of his former pupils. he was about 20 years older.

he was sketchy. he had a mullet sort of but worst of all he wore these white high tops like he thought that was a youthful touch for high school. he married her pretty much right out of high school...i don't think he's at the school anymore.

[JSngry]

It's pretty common for adolescent female students to have feelings of attraction towards a teacher. It's usually a transitional developmental stage, since the teacher is usually a sexually attractive non-paternal adult still old enough to be a "father-figure". In other words, Daddy without the genetic taboo, a very "safe" way to begin having feelings towards the opposite sex. If everybody concerned doesn't trip up/out, it should all pass soon enough as the young woman begins to feel comfortable enough with her own developing sexuality to start seeking out males closer to her own age.

Youth is right to admire and be attracted to the maturity and experience of age, just as age is right to be attracted to the energy and optimism of youth. But there are different levels of attraction, and when/if the admiration, fantasy, whatever (including platonic love) turns into an acting out of the pursuit of unmet needs with a partner who presents the opportunity of long-term incarceration and other forms of personal ruin, that's crossing the line from instinctual admiration to simple looniness.

Your friend probably digs the teacher because he's the type of guy that she (right now) thinks she'd like to marry, have a family with, and live happily ever after. He's "the perfect man" in her young, just awakening eyes. And maybe he is (although the older women here -and the few truly honest men - will tell you that such a creature does not exist ). But now that she knows the type, she needs to start looking in her own world, not his. That's going to be tough right now, because most guys her age (hell, most guys period) are immature clueless idiots when it comes to being mature in any way. But the raw material is out there, waiting to be discovered and nurtured to the point where a life's journey on equal footing is possible. And if she's really lucky, at some point she'll find one of the rare guys who already has their shit together, and that life's journey can begin on equal footing.

Until then, hey. Your friend should just keep practicing (not to impress the band director, but because it's the right thing to do, period), and come to understand that the band director is a benchmark for what she's looking to find in a man further on up the road, not what she wants to have right now. The teacher should respect (and perhaps even be humbled by) the girl's feelings and treat her accordingly, but in a way that steers her out into life, not in towards an eventual smothering of youth.

Attractions, emotions, horniness, love, these are all beautiful things not without complciations and potential hurt, and definitely not without responsibilities.Thoise who away run from the complications and, especially, the responsibilities are saving themself a lot of hurt, but they're also denying themself the opportunity to grow into truly mature adulthood. Some people never do get there, even if they're older than sin. More's the pity.

[kenny weir]

he had a mullet sort of but worst of all he wore these white high tops like he thought that was a youthful touch for high school.

Yikes! And she STILL hooked up with the guy?

Edited May 26, 2007 by kenny weir

[7/4]

he had a mullet sort of but worst of all he wore these white high tops like he thought that was a youthful touch for high school.

Yikes! An d she STILL hooked up with the guy?

He reminded her of her Dad.

[catesta]

There's this girl who likes our band director, so he's like about 24 yrs older than her? Anyways she doesn't know what to do...it's crazy. She strives to be the best she can be, it's like she doesn't want to dissapoint him. Now since most of you are older men, how would you respond to this???

Danielle

Why did you put a question mark after your first sentence?

Most of us are indeed "older men", me still thinks you is one as well.

[Van Basten II]

Danielle's peer is in high school, I assume.

Yikes.

It freaks me out that I've even looked twice at an 18-year-old girl, and I'm 30.

Double yikes, when i answered the thread, i was thinking more on the lines of a 20 year old girl looking for a relation with a mid-forties guy.

[MoGrubb]

Why, the horny little harlot. She needs to cool her heels(assuming she's a HS student) and he needs to recognize the problem, keep his distance; and be vewy, vewy quiet, maybe she'll go away. :)Even if she is of age it'd be unethical for them to get it on.

Edited May 26, 2007 by MoGrubb

[7/4]

Even if she is of age it'd be unethical for them to get it on.

Floor open for debate on that one. :rsly:

[AndrewHill]

Even if she is of age it'd be unethical for them to get it on.

Floor open for debate on that one. :rsly:

Yeah, its a real fine line. Ethically, because there's always the issue of self-interest and legally because of age. I'd still be best that the HS student and teacher keep it as professional as possible, then there's nothing to worry about. -_-

[porcy62]

Danielle,

with maximum respect, frankly I don't know what you expect from us. Being older men doesn't mean we have an answer to the problem you posed.

Not knowing your friend, the contest, the teacher, ecc.

JSngry's post is the best and wisest one can say.

[Jazzin'D92]

Thanks guys!! And yes she is a high school student, like me. and I put a question mark after my first sentence b/c I had said he's what like 24 yrs older at least? Like I was questioning that. But I'm glad you all responded, it helped a lot.

Danielle