Barry Bonds quest for HR record

[JSngry]

Barry Bonds Home-Run Scandal Somehow Becomes Feel-Good Sports Story Of Summer

July 26, 2007

Sponsored by SAN FRANCISCO—Although Barry Bonds remains the target of criticism over his possible—some say almost certain—use of performance-enhancing substances, the fact that Bonds has not been implicated in dogfighting, nightclub shootings, gambling, or murdering his family has transformed his controversial pursuit of the all-time home-run record into the feel-good sports story of the summer.

"Until we have definitive proof one way or the other, the very presence of so many questions about Bonds and steroids will haunt his achievements forever," ESPN's Peter Gammons said Monday. "However, at this moment, I think we'd all have to agree that having a raging juiced-up misanthrope break the greatest record in sports is a ray of sunshine compared to everything else on the sports page."

"What kind of person electrocutes dogs, let alone fights them?" Gammons added. "I simply can't comprehend it. Go, Barry!"

While Bonds has been routinely greeted with booing and jeering whenever he played outside of San Francisco, the taunting seems to have abated for the moment as sports fans across America lapse into a reflective silence as Bonds approaches the plate.

"I know Bonds is probably 100% pharmaceutical Frankenstein," said Brewers fan Charles Michaels, who waved a banner reading "Make Us Relatively Proud, Barry" while not exactly rooting against Bonds at Milwaukee's Miller Park Sunday night. "But I also know for a certainty that gambling problems didn't compel him to affect the outcome of the NBA playoffs. You have to give him that much."

"Bonds is not exactly my hero," said Braves fan Bradley Hanson, who flew to San Francisco for Monday night's Braves game in order to pointedly not boo Bonds. "But he's a reminder that in these troubled times for sports, there are still players whose crimes are simple, pure, and only tarnish our beloved sport and everything it stands for without killing anybody."

Bonds defiantly refuses to acknowledge, much less answer, any of the dozens of questions regarding his use of illegal substances, often lashing out at clubhouse reporters asking even innocuous baseball-related questions. Yet as of press time, Bonds had not yet been involved in even one single murder.

"Say what you want about Bonds, but he's not a murderer, or even an attempted murderer," San Francisco Chronicle reporter and co-author of Game Of Shadows Lance Williams wrote in Sunday's edition. "The only thing I believe Bonds did was inject himself with Winstrol, Deca-Durabolin, insulin, testosterone, synthetic testosterone, testosterone decanoate, human growth hormones, Norbolethone, Trenbolone, Clomid, and possibly commercial racehorse laxatives, all in order to make himself a better athlete. Not to allow himself to gut-shoot a gentleman's club bouncer, but to become a better athlete. A better athlete…it doesn't seem so bad when you think about it like that."

"It's a relief of sorts to see someone putting performance first," Frank Deford said in a New York Times Magazine editorial Sunday. "I think we all believe that Barry has taken steroids, and that they made him into a hulking monster who rewrote the record books. But they didn't turn him into a hulking monster who drugged his wife and children into unconsciousness before strangling them to death and hanging himself from a weight bench. And in these troubled times, Bonds' performance is one we can all reluctantly applaud."

Welcome to Post-Bush America, where the appearance of a fully-formed turd in an ocean of diahrhea is cause for celebration and proof that things aren't all that bad after all.

Oh, it's The Onion. No wonder. :g

But still...

[catesta]

Wow.

edit - that fake article went right over your head, didn't it.

I'd say yes.

Wow.

[Chalupa]

Barry Bonds Home-Run Scandal Somehow Becomes Feel-Good Sports Story Of Summer

July 26, 2007

Sponsored by SAN FRANCISCO—Although Barry Bonds remains the target of criticism over his possible—some say almost certain—use of performance-enhancing substances, the fact that Bonds has not been implicated in dogfighting, nightclub shootings, gambling, or murdering his family has transformed his controversial pursuit of the all-time home-run record into the feel-good sports story of the summer.

"Until we have definitive proof one way or the other, the very presence of so many questions about Bonds and steroids will haunt his achievements forever," ESPN's Peter Gammons said Monday. "However, at this moment, I think we'd all have to agree that having a raging juiced-up misanthrope break the greatest record in sports is a ray of sunshine compared to everything else on the sports page."

"What kind of person electrocutes dogs, let alone fights them?" Gammons added. "I simply can't comprehend it. Go, Barry!"

While Bonds has been routinely greeted with booing and jeering whenever he played outside of San Francisco, the taunting seems to have abated for the moment as sports fans across America lapse into a reflective silence as Bonds approaches the plate.

"I know Bonds is probably 100% pharmaceutical Frankenstein," said Brewers fan Charles Michaels, who waved a banner reading "Make Us Relatively Proud, Barry" while not exactly rooting against Bonds at Milwaukee's Miller Park Sunday night. "But I also know for a certainty that gambling problems didn't compel him to affect the outcome of the NBA playoffs. You have to give him that much."

"Bonds is not exactly my hero," said Braves fan Bradley Hanson, who flew to San Francisco for Monday night's Braves game in order to pointedly not boo Bonds. "But he's a reminder that in these troubled times for sports, there are still players whose crimes are simple, pure, and only tarnish our beloved sport and everything it stands for without killing anybody."

Bonds defiantly refuses to acknowledge, much less answer, any of the dozens of questions regarding his use of illegal substances, often lashing out at clubhouse reporters asking even innocuous baseball-related questions. Yet as of press time, Bonds had not yet been involved in even one single murder.

"Say what you want about Bonds, but he's not a murderer, or even an attempted murderer," San Francisco Chronicle reporter and co-author of Game Of Shadows Lance Williams wrote in Sunday's edition. "The only thing I believe Bonds did was inject himself with Winstrol, Deca-Durabolin, insulin, testosterone, synthetic testosterone, testosterone decanoate, human growth hormones, Norbolethone, Trenbolone, Clomid, and possibly commercial racehorse laxatives, all in order to make himself a better athlete. Not to allow himself to gut-shoot a gentleman's club bouncer, but to become a better athlete. A better athlete…it doesn't seem so bad when you think about it like that."

"It's a relief of sorts to see someone putting performance first," Frank Deford said in a New York Times Magazine editorial Sunday. "I think we all believe that Barry has taken steroids, and that they made him into a hulking monster who rewrote the record books. But they didn't turn him into a hulking monster who drugged his wife and children into unconsciousness before strangling them to death and hanging himself from a weight bench. And in these troubled times, Bonds' performance is one we can all reluctantly applaud."

Just read this tripe:

"Until we have definitive proof one way or the other..."

Um..huh?

Then why all the hugga-mugga in the media then?

"I know Bonds is probably 100% pharmaceutical Frankenstein"

Probably 100%...WTF is that?

This is total bullshit, guys. Nobody has ever been subjected to this kind of gossip-turned-fact nonsense in the history of sport.

Thank God our legal system needs proof to convict anyone.

Wow.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

[Chalupa]

Broadcaster Costas not upset over Bonds' comments

Associated Press

Updated: July 26, 2007, 7:15 PM ET

NEW YORK -- A day after Barry Bonds called him a "little midget man who knows (nothing) about baseball,'' broadcaster Bob Costas said he wasn't upset with the San Francisco Giants slugger and responded with a jab of his own.

"As anyone can plainly see, I'm 5-6½ and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally,'' Costas said Thursday in a telephone interview

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2950357

[Dan Gould]

So, Goodie, how stupid does it feel to realize that you are so intent on defending your man against all criticism that you can't recognize satire?

That's almost as pathetic as your hero worship of a fraud.

[Tim McG]

Wow.

edit - that fake article went right over your head, didn't it.

Nope.

Your pretend lack of interest makes it fact.

[Tim McG]

So, Goodie, how stupid does it feel to realize that you are so intent on defending your man against all criticism that you can't recognize satire?

That's almost as pathetic as your hero worship of a fraud.

I feel the same as I did when Clinton was denied his constitutional rights and when the press blasted JFK, Martin Luther King and said nothing about the rights grab of the Bushites.

The fraud is indicative of self-righteous people like you and people who think like you.

Can't stand a winner.

Edited July 27, 2007 by GoodSpeak

[Tim McG]

Again, why don't you guys stop pretending you won't watch TV or read the paper or want to know if and when Bonds breaks the HR record? The mere fact that you're here on this thread whining about unproven allegations is sheer testimony to the fact you all are deeply interested.

Attacks on Barry Bonds are all specious commentary at best.

Who can tell the difference.

[Dan Gould]

So, Goodie, how stupid does it feel to realize that you are so intent on defending your man against all criticism that you can't recognize satire?

That's almost as pathetic as your hero worship of a fraud.

I feel the same as I did when Clinton was denied his constitutional rights and when the press blasted JFK, Martin Luther King and said nothing about the rights grab of the Bushites.

Once again you can't recognize the point of the statement and you go off on your usual whiny "you're denying him his constitutional rights" jag. The point is that your man-love for Bonds is so strong, you can't recognize humor about the object of your affection.

[Tim McG]

So, Goodie, how stupid does it feel to realize that you are so intent on defending your man against all criticism that you can't recognize satire?

That's almost as pathetic as your hero worship of a fraud.

I feel the same as I did when Clinton was denied his constitutional rights and when the press blasted JFK, Martin Luther King and said nothing about the rights grab of the Bushites.

Once again you can't recognize the point of the statement and you go off on your usual whiny "you're denying him his constitutional rights" jag. The point is that your man-love for Bonds is so strong, you can't recognize humor about the object of your affection.

Why else would it be posted then, Mister I-know-it-all?

It is intended as a cut against Barry Bonds. Pure and simple.

Why can't you recognize that fact, eh?

[Tim McG]

Answer: You can't separate fact from fiction yourself, Dan.

SHOW ME THE PROOF.

[Tim McG]

I patiently await your overly abusive and inexcusable profanity laced reply.

Edited July 27, 2007 by GoodSpeak

[Dan Gould]

Answer: You can't separate fact from fiction yourself, Dan.

SHOW ME THE PROOF.

After he is indicted, you'll be CHOKING ON THE PROOF.

[Tim McG]

Answer: You can't separate fact from fiction yourself, Dan.

SHOW ME THE PROOF.

After he is indicted, you'll be CHOKING ON THE PROOF.

And when he isn't you'll be CHOKING ON YOUR OWN SELF-RIGHTEOUS BULLSHIT.

Edited July 27, 2007 by GoodSpeak

[Chuck Nessa]

Time for you guys to get a room.

[Dan Gould]

Answer: You can't separate fact from fiction yourself, Dan.

SHOW ME THE PROOF.

After he is indicted, you'll be CHOKING ON THE PROOF.

And when he isn't you'll be choking on your own self-righteous bullshit.

Who's profane now?

You know, if you weren't so pathetically caught up in your man-love for this guy and your need to defend him at all costs and against all attacks, you might have just said, "Oops, my bad, that was a pretty funny article."

But no, when it comes to your God, Barry Lamar Bonds, there is nothing remotely funny about him. Which is true in a way, I guess. Nothing funny about a cheater, and nothing funny about such a joyless quest.

[Aggie87]

Why did Bonds KNOWINGLY take steroids if they have absolutely no effect on his hitting? Regardless whether they were legal or illegal at the time he took them.

Still waiting on a plausible explanation for this question.

[Aggie87]

edit - that fake article went right over your head, didn't it.

Nope.

So you KNEW it was fake and meant to be funny, but it still upset you enough to to become indignant and respond as if it WERE serious in Post #177?

Edited July 27, 2007 by Aggie87

[catesta]

Can't stand a winner.

A winner?

What winner?

SF is dead last in the division. Another year Bonds will fail to win a ring.

[connoisseur series500]

Cut it out, guys.

There's right and wrong on both sides. GS is correct in that you fellahs seem fixated on Bonds. The others are correct in saying that Bonds might have done something to enhance his performance.

You know who suffers the most: Barry does. He could climb Mt. Everest on a scooter right now and no one would recognize the achievement. This is the greatest punishment which could be inflicted on a human being: to belittle his career achievement. Barry can't do anything right.

[Aggie87]

The whole world of sports is currently fixated on Bonds, Conn. Turn on ESPN, you'll see. It's a topic that's getting discussed alot, not just here.

An unlikable admitted steroid user is going to break the one of the (if not THE) biggest records in all of sports, and take the record away from a dignified man who was worthy of holding the title. Why can't we talk about that?

[catesta]

I say fuck him and his achievements. Why?

Steroids aside, Bonds is still an asshole with a giant head.

[connoisseur series500]

The whole world of sports is currently fixated on Bonds, Conn. Turn on ESPN, you'll see. It's a topic that's getting discussed alot, not just here.

An unlikable admitted steroid user is going to break the one of the (if not THE) biggest records in all of sports, and take the record away from a dignified man who was worthy of holding the title. Why can't we talk about that?

We've got to face the facts that sometimes "bad" guys break records: witness Pete Rose.

[Aggie87]

Steroids aside, Bonds is still an asshole with a giant head.

Maybe all the people in this thread used steroids?

[Quincy]

The whole world of sports is currently fixated on Bonds, Conn. Turn on ESPN, you'll see. It's a topic that's getting discussed alot, not just here.

An unlikable admitted steroid user is going to break the one of the (if not THE) biggest records in all of sports, and take the record away from a dignified man who was worthy of holding the title. Why can't we talk about that?

We've got to face the facts that sometimes "bad" guys break records: witness Pete Rose.

At the time Pete broke the record he was not a convicted gambler. Plus the man whose record he broke was a psychotic racist, so even if Pete's crimes had been known it would have been an upgrade.