How does your spouse react to your hobby/obsession?

[Neal Pomea]

Jane is a peach!

Through her brothers she introduced me to a lot of blues and 50s r&b. I introduced her to jazz, old and more modern, Cajun, and country. Together we explored bluegrass, and to this day I think she enjoys it more than I do. I prefer the country music of the 50s and earlier. For a while here in Washington, radio had bluegrass every day. It is now consigned to weekends, supplanted by talk radio. We commiserated about that development, as well as the demise of WDCU radio for jazz.

I did more jazz cd collecting and spending 10-15 years ago than I do today, but we tend to like the same things,. The be bop and hard bop is a bit busy for her (strange for a person who likes bluegrass at breakneck speeds!). Maybe busy is not the right word. Emotionally, it doesn't suit her like New Orleans jazz, which can be quite speedy.

As for sprawl, well, she's less than happy about that. I am the same way with my cds and records as I am about my books, papers, etc. They are all over the place and even I can't find stuff. She is way more sensible about organization than I am.

[chris olivarez]

No wife.No problem.If she hates jazz and goes to great lengths to tell you so consider that a smoke signal if you don't already. Sorry to say that but that's the way it went down for me when I was married.

Boy, doesn't that sound familiar.

I figured you could relate.

[EKE BBB]

Ann's reaction is "You got some more cds in the mail".

Belén's reaction is YOU GOT SOME MORE CDS IN THE MAIL !!!!

[king ubu]

No big trouble over here... she can't really relate to the obsession of collecting, and she doesn't really care much for jazz (but if it's something nice, say some Evans or Hank Jones, Desmond, etc, she won't be bothered).

We went to a few live gigs together (Aberzombie, as she still calls him - boring gig with great Joey Baron, virtuoso Feldman and dead Johnson; Rabou Abou Kabou, Stenson & Irene Schweizer solo accompanying some films...), but she doesn't really care for it.

Anyway, we don't argue about it, mostly she just leaves me alone (I leave her alone, too, when she's reading piles of stoopid crime novels...)

[Big Beat Steve]

Exceptions are what she calls "tootin', squawkin' & squeakin".

Hee hee ... sounds oh so familiar!

This "tooting and squawking" will apply both to Bird, Stitt, Criss etc. and to the all-out honkers such as Big Jay McNeely and Chuck Higgins (yeah but some so-called true jazzers won't approve of listening to that any more either ... ).

My better half pretty well lets me have my way when I spin Jazz records (and related music such as R&B) in my "music room" that holds all my vinyl, 78s and CDs but does tolerate it pretty well. Yet occasionally she surprises me by visibly digging some of the late 30s/early 40s Swing sounds.

And we do have a bit of common musical ground when it comes to 50s rockabilly, hillbilly and Western Swing so I am not overly complaining.

Edited December 19, 2006 by Big Beat Steve

[Harold_Z]

Ann's reaction is "You got some more cds in the mail".

Belén's reaction is YOU GOT SOME MORE CDS IN THE MAIL !!!!

Vilma too.

Followed by the ultimate spanglish "Crackiado".

[Dan Gould]

Haven't we exhausted the hell out of this topic a few dozen times before?

To summarize once again:

My wife is a music lover, so she understands the need to explore and to purchase.

Her personal preference is for metal and rock (Def Leppard, Sammy Hagar being her all-time favorites) but when we met she had recently worked as sound engineer at a supper club that booked a lot of jazzy cabaret acts, so she had exposure (and appreciation for) a lot of vocal jazz, and since that was more exposure and appreciation than anyone else I had met to that point, I knew I'd found "the one".

She is perfectly happy to accompany me to any local show I want to see. Since the main outlet are various local "jazz societies" the acts tend toward the relatively conservative or the well-established, which is fine by me.

[Dave Garrett]

My wife isn't a collector at all, and gets irritated with the amount of crap I have around the house - unfortunately, in addition to music, I have large book and video collections as well. I still have the vinyl I acquired in high school and college, but there ain't no way I'm going to be able to set up a vinyl rig again until I downsize something else.

Before we were married, she used to work for a local nonprofit that put on classical concerts; they eventually branched out into jazz shows as well, a move which proved extremely popular. Thanks to her position there, I got to see (off the top of my head) Jaki Byard, Pharoah Sanders, Sonny Rollins, Wayne Shorter, Jacky Terrasson, Cyrus Chestnut, and Roy Hargrove, among others. But she's much more of a casual music fan than I am, and, as others have mentioned in regard to their spouses, she doesn't have a lot of tolerance for the more "out" stuff - let's just say that I don't often play Cecil Taylor when she's around.

[Dmitry]

I forgot to mention that in addition to jazz, I also am in the process of restoring 2 cars [that takes care of most of the usable garage space], our yard is completely dug up till April of next year, and I also have an office building that is being thoroughly renovated from the ground up.

What also helps is that my wife and I are living 180 miles away from each other and see each other every other weekend or so.

For my birthday last week she gave me a pair of pants and a new detective novel by Akunin. I'd wished she'd do something more ... me, but I guess her staying out of the way of my interests is also not that bad.

Pants didn't fit, btw.

Edited December 19, 2006 by Dmitry

[jazzbo]

For a while my wife resented the money that I put into the collection and the stereo system, but she got over that. And for a while she hated the "sound" of jazz, but this was fixed as I finally got really nice stereo components (she has mutant hearing in the high frequency range and this hampered her enjoyment of a lot of digital media music).

Over time she's come to appreciate the quality of the music we listen to. She used to laugh at my discomfort at some of the live music we'd encounter (there's an awful lot of bad live music out there) but recently she's told me that she now understands. . . that the music she hears at home is often much better executed and performed.

And she's surprised me in the last few years by a) telling me she now understands the value that having a jazz "hobby" (it's an obsession, but she says hobby) brings to my life, and she's sought some of that same escapism and centering in a photographic hobby; b) really enjoying some jazz by a few artists such as Bill Evans, Miles Davis, and Duke Ellington in ways she never had before.

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

My wife has never really been much into music. But she would come to the occasional gig - when we were courting, I took her to an Osibisa gig, which she liked a lot.

Now she hates the whole thing; only likes a few pop recordings that she can associate with in some way - very few - she recently got me to download a few things from itunes to put onto a CD for her and had great trouble thinking of enough to fill a CD!

But so long as I don't make her listen to any of it, and pay for it out of "my own" money, she's tolerant.

Could be worse, my daughter has a Kenny G record and one by that singer from New Orleans who imitates Sinatra (forget his name). Oh, and Norah Jones.

MG

Edited December 19, 2006 by The Magnificent Goldberg

[porcy62]

Haven't we exhausted the hell out of this topic a few dozen times before?

One of these days I will start this topic ' How does your sons react to your hobby/obsession?'

[rockefeller center]

I don't notice her reactions.

[Hot Ptah]

Haven't we exhausted the hell out of this topic a few dozen times before?

One of these days I will start this topic ' How does your sons react to your hobby/obsession?'

My ten year old daughter hates all of the jazz that I play-mainstream or any other style of jazz. It's "weird" and "embarassing". She has let me know that if any of it is playing in our parked car when her friends come close to the car, it will be the ultimate social disaster for her.

Edited December 19, 2006 by Hot Ptah

[rockefeller center]

Haven't we exhausted the hell out of this topic a few dozen times before?

One of these days I will start this topic ' How does your sons react to your hobby/obsession?'

My ten year old daughter hates all of the jazz that I play-mainstream or any other style of jazz. It's "weird" and "embarassing". She has let me know that if any of it is playing in our parked car when her friends come close to the car, it will be the ultimate social disaster for her.

My mother's car was the ultimate social disaster for me. Your situation isn't that bad.

Edited December 19, 2006 by rockefeller center

[clifford_thornton]

Haven't we exhausted the hell out of this topic a few dozen times before?

One of these days I will start this topic ' How does your sons react to your hobby/obsession?'

My ten year old daughter hates all of the jazz that I play-mainstream or any other style of jazz. It's "weird" and "embarassing". She has let me know that if any of it is playing in our parked car when her friends come close to the car, it will be the ultimate social disaster for her.

My mother's car was the ultimate social disaster for me. Your situation isn't that bad.

I was the ultimate social disaster for my car!

[PHILLYQ]

My 14year old son calls what I listen to "weird music that makes no sense"!

My wife is actually tolerant to a large degree of a lot of stuff I listen to, but 'out' stuff and King Crimson(she has said that Crimson makes her want to commit homicide!) I play when she's not around or in bed. She sometimes gets to a bit of eye-rolling when yet another package arrives, but she does get me a J&R gift card every year for Christmas. I'm doing pretty well all things considered.

[slide_advantage_redoux]

Great topic.

To sum up my ex wife's opinion on my LP collectiing, she once suggested that if I sold them all I would be able to put a dent in my student loan debt.

It was then that I became painfully aware that she truly didn't know me at all.

Now whereas my current - and hopefully last - spouse is not too crazy about my buying LPs and CDs, the things she says about it are said tongue in cheek. She has told me that for every single LP I bring into the house I have to get rid of three of what I already have. I just look at her, nod and continue on my obsessive path.

My ex step daughter really lashed out on me once. She told me that my CD (my self produced effort of which I am very proud) "sucked" and "nobody likes your music".

I asked her what, in her opinion consitituted good music, "Nine Inch Nails, or something like that?" to which she replied "yes, because their music sells and is on the radio"

Using her measuring stick, I would agree that my music was/is lame. But since she was 17 at the time I saw no sense in trying to convince her of anything. Life goes on.

Edited December 25, 2006 by slide_advantage_redoux

[porcy62]

Great topic.

To sum up my ex wife's opinion on my LP collectiing, she once suggested that if I sold them all I would be able to put a dent in my student loan debt.

It was then that I became painfully aware that she truly didn't know me at all.

Now whereas my current - and hopefully last - spouse is not too crazy about my buying LPs and CDs, the things she says about it are said tongue in cheek. She has told me that for every single LP I bring into the house I have to get rid of three of what I already have. I just look at her, nod and continue on my obsessive path.

My ex step daughter really lashed out on me once. She told me that my CD (my self produced effort of which I am very proud) "sucked" and "nobody likes your music".

I asked her what, in her opinion consitituted good music, "Nine Inch Nails, or something like that?" to which she replied "yes, because their music sells and is on the radio"

Using her measuring stick, I would agree that my music was/is lame. But since she was 17 at the time I saw no sense in trying to convince her of anything. Life goes on.

I beated my step son on his playground. I bought the Mobile Fidelity LP of Nirvana's Nevermind (at times), recently we had a A/B comparison with his iPod hooked at my tube pre amp. It was a no contest

The only problem is that when I am not at home sometimes he play my Led Zeppelin's records for his friends. I suspect for impressing girls. We had a big and confortable sofa in front of the loudspeakers. Actually I don't know what counts more, Jimmy Page or the sofa?

Edited December 26, 2006 by porcy62

[chris olivarez]

Great topic.

To sum up my ex wife's opinion on my LP collectiing, she once suggested that if I sold them all I would be able to put a dent in my student loan debt.

It was then that I became painfully aware that she truly didn't know me at all.

Now whereas my current - and hopefully last - spouse is not too crazy about my buying LPs and CDs, the things she says about it are said tongue in cheek. She has told me that for every single LP I bring into the house I have to get rid of three of what I already have. I just look at her, nod and continue on my obsessive path.

My ex step daughter really lashed out on me once. She told me that my CD (my self produced effort of which I am very proud) "sucked" and "nobody likes your music".

I asked her what, in her opinion consitituted good music, "Nine Inch Nails, or something like that?" to which she replied "yes, because their music sells and is on the radio"

Using her measuring stick, I would agree that my music was/is lame. But since she was 17 at the time I saw no sense in trying to convince her of anything. Life goes on.

I beated my step son on his playground. I bought the Mobile Fidelity LP of Nirvana's Nevermind (at times), recently we had a A/B comparison with his iPod hooked at my tube pre amp. It was a no contest

The only problem is that when I am not at home sometimes he play my Led Zeppelin's records for his friends. I suspect for impressing girls. We had a big and confortable sofa in front of the loudspeakers. Actually I don't know what counts more, Jimmy Page or the sofa?

For the girls it was probably a tie between Page and the sofa.

[Dmitry]

My ex step daughter really lashed out on me once. She told me that my CD (my self produced effort of which I am very proud) "sucked" and "nobody likes your music".

I asked her what, in her opinion consitituted good music, "Nine Inch Nails, or something like that?" to which she replied "yes, because their music sells and is on the radio"

This SUCKS! Sounds like her biggest achievement will be as a cashier at the Wal-Mart. Plenty of radio music there.

[Tony Pusey]

Miek is a peach-she likes music and especially dancing. She doesnt like too many trumpets tho-especially when its screaming big band stuff, thus we have no Maynard Fergusson! and she doesnt like Kenton.On the other hand she even dug Zorn when we saw him! Hates my first love -Big Brother, and goes bat shit if Janis gets near the stereo, and she is fed up with my Dead obsession, tho tolerant because none of them can sing! And if there is a divide between us it would be that she enjoys more song while,no surprise,I have always likes improvisation- She really likes World music- African, Middle Easrern, Turkish, Fado, Tango, Flamenco, which is cool- likes going to gigs and never hassles me about the ever growing piles of cds. And she is in love with Chris Conner, Julie London et al.

I guess I am a lucky man!

[catesta]

Pants didn't fit, btw.

hehe

Restoring two cars! Lucky mofo, what's other one?

I hope one day to get back into some of that myself. I'd like to get another late 60s early 70s Cadillac Coupe DeVille or Eldorado, or maybe a Lincoln Mark III or IV. I passed on a pretty sweet deal for a 1976 Alfa Romeo Spider about 3 months ago, but the little bit of rust I saw scared me away.

The problem for me is where to storage space. I guess I could leave a car at the office/yard in Phoenix, but something tells me some of the boys from down south would snag it. Plus I want to cruise it down Ocean Parkway, not in the desert.

Anyways, back to the thread topic. My lady is good with whatever I want to do.

[Randy Twizzle]

My ex-wife used to refer to my love for jazz as "Randy's sick sick perversion." When we were dating I once took her to a Cecil Taylor concert at Symphony Space. After 20 minutes she rushed the stage screaming obscenities and had to be forcibly removed from the hall. During our first year of marriage I once came home early from work and caught her scratching my LPs with a can opener. Whenever a jazz musician's obituary appeared in the NY Times she would scribble "GOOD RIDDANCE" in red ink across the article and put it under my pillow. Then things really started going downhill...

[Van Basten II]

A spouse, a wife ? I've heard of those what are they like exactly ?