The D I V O R C E Thread

[Free For All]

Update.

Much as I would have liked to have made a graceful exit, it turns out my best option was to stay in KC for the year. It didn't make $en$e to move just for the sake of leaving town when I will probably be moving again next summer. Hopefully in the spring I'll find a teaching job elsewhere (that would start next fall- this whole thing happened too late for me to get a gig for this fall). The full-time teaching gig is my best option since it comes with the perks like health insurance. I'm teaching an additional class this fall (jazz history, it meets at 8AM three days a week- youch!) and I have enough gigs that I think I'll be able to get by, but there will be NO CD buying for awhile! That fact actually makes it a little painful to hang out here. S'okay, I have plenty to catch up on.

I have now moved into my apartment. It's not bad at all, I would have been excited about it 20 years ago, but leaving my house for this is very strange. I lived alone forever and thought I'd never give it up, but now I'm finding that I'll have to get used to it again. My budget is pretty limited, and I'm now living in the same neighborhood as many of my students!

This summer was about the worst three months I've ever been through. it was hard being alone in that house, spending my time separating, sorting and packing my stuff all while trying to process my feelings which tend to hit in big spontaneous tidal waves. Pretty dark times, I'm glad to be done with the moving (the processing of the feelings continues, however). I feel that I've hit bottom and am starting to rebound, so there is light at the end of the tunnel, although I do feel like there's been a big chunk bitten out of me and some things will never be the same.

My wife returned from Santa Fe about a week ago and I've been over to the house several times already to work on splitting up stuff, helping her move things around etc. (and enjoying the opportunity to hang with my dog ). I think I'm able to accept the ways things are now. I know we're through, but even though the wounds are still fresh I find myself unable to hold a grudge- that's not how I've ever been, and I'm not going to start to be that way now. She's being very supportive and is letting me leave a lot of my stuff at the house until I make a more permanent move. Still, it's strange to be around her, things are amicable but the relationship is obviously DOA.

My friends have been wonderful to me (which includes the folks here). I have always tried to avoid imposing on my friends, but this summer they have been getting an earful from me as I vent my feelings, sometimes while quite inebriated. God bless 'em all.

And the music. The music is what continually saves me and makes life worth living. It's the constant in a life full of variables. I'd be in deep shit without it.

That's all for now.

[Dan Gould]

Hang in there Paul. Hopefully you have turned a corner and things will get better soon.

[Quincy]

Just lurked in this thread throughout, but glad to see some of that optimism shine through. Keep hanging in there, and yes, thank heavens for music!

[connoisseur series500]

Paul, I know from our talks that you are making progress. Advancement comes in waves. You're just on a temporary low. Things will pick up.

[Rob C]

Since I posted earlier in the thread, thought I'd drop in again to say my divorce was final on Monday. Very anticlimactic! But we'd been separated for over a year, and I'd hired my lawyer to start the process back in February or March. So it's been a long time coming. But the court hearing, the final thing, was a rubber stamp. I was sworn in, answered "yes" to a few questions from my lawyer, affirmed that our settlement agreement was correct and we'd both agreed to it, and the judge granted the divorce. The end. I thought it was going to feel much bigger than it did.

(I was amused by the woman who went before me at the court call. She had the BIGGEST GRIN I've ever seen on anyone's face throughout her testimony. A woman ready to move on, apparently!)

[sheldonm]

Since I posted earlier in the thread, thought I'd drop in again to say my divorce was final on Monday. Very anticlimactic! But we'd been separated for over a year, and I'd hired my lawyer to start the process back in February or March. So it's been a long time coming. But the court hearing, the final thing, was a rubber stamp. I was sworn in, answered "yes" to a few questions from my lawyer, affirmed that our settlement agreement was correct and we'd both agreed to it, and the judge granted the divorce. The end. I thought it was going to feel much bigger than it did.

(I was amused by the woman who went before me at the court call. She had the BIGGEST GRIN I've ever seen on anyone's face throughout her testimony. A woman ready to move on, apparently!)

I take it she wasn't your now ex-wife???

[chris olivarez]

I really think that it helps to have common interests-not that it guarantees that you'll go the distance but I think that it improves the chances. For me it was well after the fact that I realized that my ex and I had zilch in common. I was bagged and tagged the moment I said "I do". I totally agree with making time for one another . It's just too damned easy to get caught up in whatever you're doing and even easier to drift apart.

Also,like many others have said here keep the lines open-talk to one another. Before my ex said she wanted a divorce she put me through a fair amount of bullshit. If she would have just come right out and said "I want a divorce" we both would have been spared a lot of pain. She divorced me three weeks before Christmas-it took a long time for me to start enjoying the holiday again. At the time I coped with this by constantly sleeping. Just in case I'm coming off like I'm putting this all on her I really don't mean to I bear as much if not more responsibility for the marriage's failure as she did. If I ever get married again I'll do a lot of things different and I'll work like hell to get it right.

[chewy-chew-chew-bean-benitez]

Chewy's divorce tip of the day: make her watch NIGHT OF THE IGUANA

[BERIGAN]

Chewy's divorce tip of the day: make her watch NIGHT OF THE IGUANA

Watching it will guarantee a divorce?

[Epithet]

Chewy's divorce tip of the day: make her watch NIGHT OF THE IGUANA

Watching it will guarantee a divorce?

Yes, when you ask which of Gardner and the blonde nympho is hotter.