The Soundtrack in Hell

[Dan Gould]

Joe's post of the classic Onion article about the tenth circle of hell opening up made me think of this one.

I'm going to need to think about it, but I'm leaning towards John Tesh.

[(BB)]

I think the job has already been filled. House Band

[Big Al]

Kenny G, no contest. The others I can easily ignore, but G's "music" makes me literally wanna strangle him.

[Alexander]

There's actually a REALLY good song by Zamfir on the soundtrack to the first "Kill Bill" movie.

[kulu se mama]

where's black oak arkansas backing up celine dion?

[kulu se mama]

i have a far side cartoon hanging in my office: it's the devil playing new age music's greatest hits to charlie parker.

it's captioned something to the effect of "charlie parker's in hell."

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

  kulu se mama said:

i have a far side cartoon hanging in my office: it's the devil playing new age music's greatest hits to charlie parker.

it's captioned something to the effect of "charlie parker's in hell."

Yeah, I've seen that one.

For my personal hell, it would be any heavy metal band, or all of them at once.

For Ambrose Bierce, it would be two clarinets. I think that turned out to be Glen Miller

MG

[BruceH]

Corporate radio already invented the "soundtack in Hell" decades ago. It's called "Top 40"---just play it in endless rotation and the listener thinks they're in Hell.

[Uncle Skid]

That no talent ass-clown Michael Bolton immediately comes to mind.

Or maybe that Riverdance guy.

[Dave James]

I'm exposing myself to some major flaming by the heavy metal jazz crowd, but I'd have to go with Fred Anderson. He hurts me like a thousand dogs.

Up over and out.

[GregK]

there is an elvis costello song on Brutal Youth called This is Hell- one of the lines goes something like, "My Favorite Things is playing but it's by Julie Andrews and not John Coltrane"!

[Alexander]

  GregK said:

there is an elvis costello song on Brutal Youth called This is Hell- one of the lines goes something like, "My Favorite Things is playing but it's by Julie Andrews and not John Coltrane"!

I love that bit!

[Kalo]

James Taylor's needlessly elaborated version of Buddy Holly's "Everyday," over and over and over and over and over and over again...

[Kalo]

The altered changes on the bridge are truly egregious and never fail to get my goat.

[Kalo]

An endless loop of Gary Puckett & the Union Gap's truly infernal "Lady Willpower," perhaps the most odious hit song of all time.

[sidewinder]

I've got a total allergy to pan pipes in shopping streets so that got my vote..

Edited July 29, 2006 by sidewinder

[Kalo]

  sidewinder said:

I've got a total allergy to pan pipes in shopping streets so that got my vote..

How about the ubiquitous Peruvian pan flute bands that play in shopping streets restricted to a two tune repertoire of James Taylor's "Everyday" and Gary Puckett's "Lady Willpower"?

Or how about they play Puckett's pedophiliac "Young Girl" over and over...

(Can you tell I hate Gary Puckett?)

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

  Kalo said:

  sidewinder said:

I've got a total allergy to pan pipes in shopping streets so that got my vote..

How about the ubiquitous Peruvian pan flute bands that play in shopping streets restricted to a two tune repertoire of James Taylor's "Everyday" and Gary Puckett's "Lady Willpower"?

Or how about they play Puckett's pedophiliac "Young Girl" over and over...

(Can you tell I hate Gary Puckett?)

British fans of the TV programme "The fast show" will, of course, have a great affection for the Andean pipe street bands so wonderfully and hilariously parodied in the show (if not for their music). (Or was it only one band that circulated around all the major shopping centres of Britain?)

Kalo, count yourself lucky you didn't live through the early fifties when pop music was REALLY at its worst. White teenagers would not have turned to R&B in the mid fifties, leading to the creation of Rock n Roll, had the pop music of that period been even slightly less insulting to one's intelligence. If you really want to torture yourself, try Guy Mitchell's early fifties hits.

MG

Sorry - forgot you were on our side Sidewinder...

Edited July 29, 2006 by The Magnificent Goldberg

[kinuta]

  The Magnificent Goldberg said:

  Kalo said:

  sidewinder said:

I've got a total allergy to pan pipes in shopping streets so that got my vote..

How about the ubiquitous Peruvian pan flute bands that play in shopping streets restricted to a two tune repertoire of James Taylor's "Everyday" and Gary Puckett's "Lady Willpower"?

Or how about they play Puckett's pedophiliac "Young Girl" over and over...

(Can you tell I hate Gary Puckett?)

British fans of the TV programme "The fast show" will, of course, have a great affection for the Andean pipe street bands so wonderfully and hilariously parodied in the show (if not for their music). (Or was it only one band that circulated around all the major shopping centres of Britain?)

Kalo, count yourself lucky you didn't live through the early fifties when pop music was REALLY at its worst. White teenagers would not have turned to R&B in the mid fifties, leading to the creation of Rock n Roll, had the pop music of that period been even slightly less insulting to one's intelligence. If you really want to torture yourself, try Guy Mitchell's early fifties hits.

MG

Sorry - forgot you were on our side Sidewinder...

Hey MG Do you remember The Stargazers, Teddy & Pearl Carr, A White Sportscoat & A Pink Carnation,

Alma Cogan & Mario Lanza etc ?

[jazzbo]

The as yet unrecorded Richard Clayderman/Richard Elliot/and Kenny G album called "Three Dicks."

[Parkertown]

For me, it would be NO music...

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

  kinuta said:

  The Magnificent Goldberg said:

  Kalo said:

  sidewinder said:

I've got a total allergy to pan pipes in shopping streets so that got my vote..

How about the ubiquitous Peruvian pan flute bands that play in shopping streets restricted to a two tune repertoire of James Taylor's "Everyday" and Gary Puckett's "Lady Willpower"?

Or how about they play Puckett's pedophiliac "Young Girl" over and over...

(Can you tell I hate Gary Puckett?)

British fans of the TV programme "The fast show" will, of course, have a great affection for the Andean pipe street bands so wonderfully and hilariously parodied in the show (if not for their music). (Or was it only one band that circulated around all the major shopping centres of Britain?)

Kalo, count yourself lucky you didn't live through the early fifties when pop music was REALLY at its worst. White teenagers would not have turned to R&B in the mid fifties, leading to the creation of Rock n Roll, had the pop music of that period been even slightly less insulting to one's intelligence. If you really want to torture yourself, try Guy Mitchell's early fifties hits.

MG

Sorry - forgot you were on our side Sidewinder...

Hey MG Do you remember The Stargazers, Teddy & Pearl Carr, A White Sportscoat & A Pink Carnation,

Alma Cogan & Mario Lanza etc ?

Yeah, but that stuff was mid to late fifties. The stuff I'm talking about was even earlier, and even worse, than that. Even as a 7 or 8 year old, I thought it was crap.

MG