Check out this thread from JC

[Hot Ptah]

There is a humorous parody review, done in the Crouch style, now posted on the JC thread. The poster states that it is from an earlier publication, but I had not read it before.

[Big Al]

I agree that bringing Stanley here would be a big mistake. That said, I think he has learned a lesson over on the corner.

Huh? I just got caught up on that thread and didn't see anything posted by Crouch that would indicate that.

[Christiern]

I didn't mean in the first round, but I think this second round has got to tell him how transparent he is, at least to minor people (who, oddly, would appear to have keener perception).

BTW, that parody by Bret Primack is very funny--I read it a long time ago and time has not faded the humor.

[Big Al]

There is a humorous parody review, done in the Crouch style, now posted on the JC thread. The poster states that it is from an earlier publication, but I had not read it before.

That parody is so on the mark, for a while there I really thought I was reading another Crouch piece.

[bertrand]

Please post the parody here so I don't have to read the rest of their crap.

If Crouch shows up here, I'm leaving.

Bertrand.

[Noj]

As requested, Bertrand...

"The Liner Notes To "Noble Gutbucket Blues", An Album By Trumpeter Minton Bursitis and the John Wilkes Booth Peripheral Jazz Orchestra, Written by Livingston Squat

In his latest record, "Noble Gutbucket Blues," Minton Bursitis has proven once again to all those with the courage, discerning intelligence and moral backbone not only to listen but to go that difficult step further and fully grasp his message in all its heroic simplicity and defiant sophistication, both intellectually and as the African-American folk adage would have it, "down to de booty," that he is unquestionably the finest trumpeter of his generation on the scene today (and doubtless would have been on the scenes of such illustrious non-African-American greats as Mozart, Beethoven, and Henry Purcell, particularly as those European scenes, taking place as they did before the Industrial Revolution of the late 19th century, didn't have to deal with the obnoxious glitter and obscenely cynical "values" which are spread by our modern-day media society and threaten literacy and the quest for demanding excellence in today's world).

Not a small part of Bursitis' success is his ability and willingness to surround himself with young players whose talent, discipline and respectful obedience to the demands and concomitant advantages so manifest in the great masterworks of Jelly Roll Morton, Louis Armstrong, Coleman Hawkins, Lester Young, Billie Holiday, Charlie Parker, Duke Ellington, Count Basie, Thelonious Monk, Miles Davis, Sonny Rollins, John Coltrane, Ornette Coleman and a few others, place them squarely in the forefront of the elite upper crust of the historical jazz talent pool. These men, the young lions of today, will certainly be among the battle-scarred veteran jungle cats of tomorrow, defending the territory of their pride against the corrupt, effeminate juggernaut of so-called "popular music". The orchestra's rhythm section - E. Jubilee Jefferson, piano, Wavon Thurgood, bass, and Clarence "Coolpapa" Thomas, drums - demonstrate a native talent for their instruments and a near-parapsychological intuitive understanding of classical Negro American improvised music, in all its shades from lowdown gutbucket dirty brown through boudoir indigo to the pale rose mist of pure cerebral contemplation, that would be almost amazing if this fertile tradition had not already proven time and time again its capacity to produce individuals capable of that mixture of selfless exploration and tenacious striving which are characteristic of all great artists in any field since the Italian Renaissance.

This entire band has understood the central importance of Thelonious Monk's advice, "Always play good," and are now capable of performing their solos, accompaniment and section playing with equal attention not only to the three pillars of melody, harmony and rhythm, but also to the modular partitions of texture, tone color, phrasing, dynamics, tempo and timing which give weight, space and character to every note played, and which are matched in swaggering class and funky elegance only by the musicians' own sartorial splendor. As an example, careful analysis of Jefferson's solo on the leader's Ellingtonian ballad, "Ballad for D.E.," demonstrates that he uses certain notes from the closing phrase of the preceding trumpet solo in his own opening passage, then carefully plays two choruses using the basic harmonic material of the tune as his springboard, only to end his solo immediately before Thomas begins his drum feature.

As further demonstration of the group's uncanny musical maturity, note how Bursitis, in his feature tune "Unfortunate Despair in Johannesburg," is able to scoop up a sizzling melody line like a baseball infielder, slap it down in that barrelhouse gutbucket with jaunty elegance, and then send it to the stars with a few bittersweet brushstrokes. Thomas's astounding work throughout reveals that he has deeply understood the revolutionary potential of the playing of the little-known genius Elleron Scoubidoux, a New Orleans drummer of the 1920's whose only recorded legacy, a three-second intro to Jassbo Billy's "Stinkin' Butt Shuffle," is carefully reworked in Thomas's cymbal work behind the bass solo in the Max Roach-inspired Afro-Latin work, "Nital-Orfa Work." As I have written elsewhere, "only the hard lessons of fully assumed young manhood have allowed these men to go beyond the facile trivialities of mere unbelievable virtuosity and reach the clear air of the plateau of the true sophistication inherent in the kind of demands made on these men by the lessons learned in the fierce battles that have been waged on the field of honor between the historical imperatives of Negro American culture in post-war society and the increasingly powerful but still not victorious surge of contemptible commercialism and cowardly limp compromise with mass-produced 'popular culture', as I have written elsewhere."

Indeed, this sort of solidarity among the more serious of the young and talented major figures in modern jazz also includes an awareness of the larger cultural issues at risk. Says Bursitis humbly of "Unfortunate Despair in Johannesburg," "After seeing a program on television about apartheid, I became aware of the kind of submission that not only American Negroes but all young people in rich, industrialized countries are in danger of accepting unless our dedication to Western democratic ideals and our quest to resolutely meet the superb, unbending standards of our mamas and daddies and preacher men prevent the positive contents of our fantastic accomplishments from being washed to neap tide levels by the overwhelming swell of mass-produced, brain-wash 'philosophy'. When I look at our bass player, Wavon, I feel proud that he has been able to comprehend this and so completely fulfill his potential as a musician, even though he's only twelve." This is the kind of far-seeing and fundamentally responsible personal effort for extraordinary excellence that is so eloquently encouraged by historian J. Harvey Stairwell in his groundbreaking work "Life and Art in the Western World: Decadence and Decline Everywhere," Tome VIII, and which Tadd Dameron must surely have had in mind when he leaned over the dinner table of a Kansas City whorehouse to Earl Hines in 1952 and said "Yo, check it out, man." In any case, it is now undeniably certain that a one-to-one correspondence can henceforth be made between the name Minton Bursitis and the triple goals of astute brilliance, blinding incredible technical mastery, deeply profound emotional maturity and the kind of mysterious erotic power so central to the African-American tradition of "shakin' yo' ass." And that is saying a great deal."

[fasstrack]

I went and did it. I challenged him to debate. I hope some of y'all will get my back after he kills any hope of a career. Seriously, he likely won't notice or deign to respond. Too bad the whole thing didn't get on. A corker, and well-deserved.

Edited July 13, 2006 by fasstrack

[bertrand]

Noj,

Thanks!

'As an example, careful analysis of Jefferson's solo on the leader's Ellingtonian ballad, "Ballad for D.E.," demonstrates that he uses certain notes from the closing phrase of the preceding trumpet solo in his own opening passage, then carefully plays two choruses using the basic harmonic material of the tune as his springboard, only to end his solo immediately before Thomas begins his drum feature.'

I love it!

Bertrand.

[Jazzmoose]

Well, the discussion over there has taken a new turn that has Rainy (and her co-hort) foaming at the mouth, dealing all her race cards and cursing like bad day at Oz. Not surprisingly, the race spark came from the Ohio troll.

Oh, come on. At best, the choice of the word "uppity" was embarrassing and unfortunate. I have a hard time believing anyone who frequents a jazz board would be that clueless...

[Christiern]

Agreed, but embarrassing and unfortunate remarks permeate through the entire thread, don't you think? From Rainy and the troll to Rainy and her sidekick, to Dolan's dance invitation, to just about everything posted by the principals: Stan the MAJOR man and his web mistress.

I think the "uppity" mention was ill-informed and inadvertent, but it was serious fodder for the trolls, notice how quickly the popped out of the snake pit.

[Jim Alfredson]

I still fail to see the point of bringing this here.

[Big Al]

(St)ann Coulter?

[Christiern]

I still fail to see the point of bringing this here.

Had there been no response here, Jim, I could see your point, but 115 and counting?

[Chuck Nessa]

We all pay close attention to "car wrecks" but we ain't proud of it.

[Face of the Bass]

We all pay close attention to "car wrecks" but we ain't proud of it.

It's pretty funny, actually. A thread about a thread. The Jazzcorner thread is pushing 500 posts, this one is pushing 100+...let it never be said that Stanley Crouch fails to draw a crowd.

[Larry Kart]

"Car wrecks," exactly. And I share Jim's apprehension that (to use a pompous phrase, but it's the only one I can think of) the tone of discourse at work on that JC thread will somehow inadvertently infect this place. At times you can almost feel it happening, as when that "uppity" thing flew over the transom. It's like part of your brain starts to fry.

[fasstrack]

it's interesting how since the Major Man himself split for the bunker or Fortress of Solitude everyone is contenting themselves with the sideshow. Who cares? I wanna piece of Stanley. I don't mean Kowalski, people....

I would like to know what makes him tick, examine his innards and see what's there. It may be that he's a sensitive soul who wants to uplift us after all, a true Millsian altruist, no buffoon, humble as a true Christrian (as opposed to a true Christiern) and the rest is an incredibly effective act.

Count De Monay.....

Edited July 14, 2006 by fasstrack

[jon abbey]

it's interesting how since the Major Man himself split for the bunker or Fortress of Solitude everyone is contenting themselves with the sideshow. Who cares? I wanna piece of Stanley. I don't mean Kowalski, people....

I don't think you really do. if you did, you'd post there periodically, continually egging him on until he re-emerged. as it is, you posted once and withdrew the bulk of it when you messed it up in editing. if you actually want a piece of him, go and get it.

Edited July 14, 2006 by jon abbey

[fasstrack]

it's interesting how since the Major Man himself split for the bunker or Fortress of Solitude everyone is contenting themselves with the sideshow. Who cares? I wanna piece of Stanley. I don't mean Kowalski, people....

I don't think you really do. if you did, you'd post there periodically, continually egging him on until he re-emerged. as it is, you posted once and withdrew the bulk of it when you messed it up in editing. if you actually want a piece of him, go and get it.

Right. And you'll hold my coat, I guess. So good of you to be concerned about my welfare, Internet habits, and to know the inner workings of my brain so intimately. FYI I didn't withdraw anything. Somehow the thing got cut into 1/4 when I corrected it for spelling. Not that I owe you an explanation. I mean, have we met, dude?

See what I mean? This is turning into a sideshow here now. And I'm gonna end my part in it. People bickering here about what supposedly went on there. Brilliant.

Jim, and the rest, I hear you. If you don't want this here I won't bring it here. I was having a little fun. But I would love to dress down that stuffed shirt. He'll get his either way. It's really not my problem.

Edited July 14, 2006 by fasstrack

[jon abbey]

no, we haven't met, and no one's bickering. I'm just saying you keep talking about wanting a piece of the guy, just go do it.

[jon abbey]

I mean, honestly, is it that difficult to reconstruct a post you just wrote five minutes before?

[fasstrack]

Update: post 7,000 (OK, I exaggerate, but only a little) and still one Stanley Crouch MIA. MF's harder to smoke out than Osama Bin Laden.

I guess one's illusions are a grand hiding place.....

[Aggie87]

I don't think he's a regular reader of that board. Or any jazz bb for that matter. I could be wrong, but I think you're wasting your time if you think he'll come back and engage you personally.

[fasstrack]

I don't think he's a regular reader of that board. Or any jazz bb for that matter. I could be wrong, but I think you're wasting your time if you think he'll come back and engage you personally.

I love wasting time. If I didn't I'd be a MF player/composer with international acclaim, hot-and-cold running women, 15 CDs and counting and 4 Grammies who never even thinks about shit like this, instead of the fool I am who makes the Internet his personal Eugene O'Neill novel.

And this just in: if my grandmother had wheels she'd be a trolley....

[JSngry]

If my grandmother had wheels, her casket would be drivable.