Tasteless but perhaps amusing tale

[Larry Kart]

A retired big-band singer gets an offer from a

record producer to lay down some of her old hits

for a nostalgia album. She brings her charts to

the studio and is surprised to see only the

producer there.

"Where's the band?" she asks.

"No need for a band any more," smiles the producer.

"Everything is computerized."

"No piano? No conductor?" she asks.

"Nope, everything is in this synthesizer.

Your charts are already in there. All we do

is press a button."

"How about clarinets, sax, horns?"

"Right here in this machine, never tell the

difference."

"How about a drummer," she asks.

"Nope," says the producer, "this rhythm machine

takes the beat and runs with it all by itself."

"Well," says the singer, "then who do I sleep with?"

[Spontooneous]

I haven't thrown taste to the winds for a couple of hours now, so let me add one that's going around:

Did you hear about the singer who was arrested on terrorism charges? She kept destroying bridges.

[AllenLowe]

yeah, singers are a pain - as Al Haig said "they all want to be actresses." I used to do some booking for one who is somewhat well-known now (ititials C.L.) and she still owes me $50 from about 1978 - it was a frustrating experience; at one point I got her an audition with the Basie Band (someone at the Willard Alexander Agency had heard and liked her) and at the last minute she decided she didn't want to do it -

Edited May 10, 2006 by AllenLowe

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

"they all want to be actresses."

I bet Ernie Andrews STILL doesn't want to be an actress.

MG

[John L]

yeah, singers are a pain - as Al Haig said "they all want to be actresses." I used to do some booking for one who is somewhat well-known now (ititials C.L.) and she still owes me $50 from about 1978 - it was a frustrating experience; at one point I got her an audition with the Basie Band (someone at the Willard Alexander Agency had heard and liked her) and at the last minute she decided she didn't want to do it -

Well, the Basie band is quite a lot of musicans for a singer to take in during a one night stand.

[AllenLowe]

actually I think he changed his name to Ernestine Anderson -

Edited May 10, 2006 by AllenLowe

[Christiern]

Allen, didn't Gary Giddins call Carmen Lundy the future greatest? I never agreed with that.

Back on topic, there may be a taste issue here, but the basis for this story is sound--from what I have always heard (sometimes first-hand) and read.

[Larry Kart]

I mention this only because she gone now (d. 1993) and because I have some personal, anecdotal semi-confirmation, but I've heard that one of the most so-inclined of the prominent band singers of that era was that cute little All-American girl Helen O'Connell. I ran into her in the late '70s or early '80s, when she was member of Four Girls Four, gave the act a good review, and was then approached over the phone by O'Connell in a coy, "I MUST thank you" manner that I chose not to follow up on. She was still pretty cute, too, albeit in a slighty wacked-out, Blythe Danner manner. Hey, it coulda been Rose Marie.

[AllenLowe]

or Matha Raye...

Chris - yes, Carmen Lundy is the one - she was highly praised in NYC in the late 1970s and seemed a real up-and-comer, and on the right night was quite a great performer - could sing standards, had good time, nice looking, but what a pain - difficult is not the word - I spent weeks on the phone to the Willard Alexander Agency, Carmen was excited about it, and I finally got her the audition, which she decided not to go to at the last minute, without telling me or anyone else, just did not show up - I remember telling Bob Neloms about this and he almost fell on the floor, saying that a gig with that band would have made a career, would have got her on the circuit, with bookings, agents, festivals, etc - oy veh -

Edited May 10, 2006 by AllenLowe

[Hot Ptah]

Interesting about Carmen Lundy. I saw her live in a small club last summer. She sounded good when she was singing. Between songs she engaged in long, odd monologues about how she was feeling various negative feelings, and about the vibes she was strongly picking up from the audience. It was unusual and often seemed to be on the brink of slipping into something truly weird.

[Larry Kart]

or Matha Raye...

IIRC, the four girls in Four Girls Four at that time were O'Connell, Rose Marie, Rosemary Clooney, and Margaret Whiting.

[AllenLowe]

that's an interesting crew - Rose Marie has got to have the worst face-lift I have ever seen -

and yes, that sounds like Carmen, strange and hostile (and I could still use that $50) -