Seeking some advice on a situation with a neighbor...

[BERIGAN]

Yesterday, I asked my friend Gregg to come down, claiming I was wanting some advice on something(He lives about 50 miles north) It was a rouse, I just wanted him to see my latest "new" car, a 1973 Lincoln. So, he comes out, is pleasantly surprised to see this car, and tells me his brake light came on in his 1973 Imperial while driving down. So, he jacks up the car, and was inspecting the brakes. Next thing I know, these two little kids come bounding into our front yard, from our next door neighbors yard. A boy and a girl. I'd say the boy was 3, the girl 5. Real friendly. I had noticed them running around their house the last few weeks. Asking our names, telling us theirs. Showing us how to hoola hoop. They seemed starved for some attention. They would run around their house, then come back to see what we were doing. Gregg and I told them not to get too close to the car as the jack could fail, and we were cleaning parts with nasty smelling solvents. They didn't really seem to care, most likely because they were so damn young, and bored.

They told us that they were not brother and sister, but cousins, yet they seemed to be talking about the same woman being their Mom. They said she no longer had a home, or a car.

Well, after running around the house for about the 100th time, and being told to watch out as my Dad was going to back a car out of the garage, the girl came up to me and asked if we had anything to eat. We really didn't have much, and told her as much. I figured she was just trying to get a snack before dinner, but was starting to feel like they were being far too friendly with complete strangers. The girl asked if we had ANYTHING to eat. Hmmm. It was about 6:30, perhaps they hadn't eaten since lunch or breakfast even. Did they even eat today? I saw no car in the driveway, didn't look like anyone was home. No one would leave kids this young alone, would they? So, I said I had some bread, and the girl got excited. So, I was going in to get some,and she asked if they could come in. At that point I said point blank that they didn't know me, and they really, really shouldn't go into a stranger's house for any reason! It seemed a little light bulb went on, like she might have heard that somewhere before. I was going to bring them each a piece of bread, but when I came back in, they were not around. Gregg said he didn't see any car come by, or hear someone call them, but he was focused on his brakes. About an hour later, I saw an SUV leave the garage, but it was dark by then, so don't know who was in it.

My next door neighbor I know somewhat, she is in her 50's I'd guess, divorced, kids have long since left home. She twisted my arm last year, and took me to some Herbalife kind of snake oil pitch. I didn't buy anything, but we still wave when we see each other...she asked me how I was after my gall bladder surgery.

So, how should I approach this situation? I am much more worried about the kids, than the relationship with the neighbor, but I still have to live next to her. Should I just say, hey the kids are swell, but they are too young to be left unattended like this? Hell, I would worry about them running into the street at that age! Or should I just see what happens the next few days? Either in case I feel like calling child services, or to see if the kids stay away.

I just read that the actress Terri Hatcher was molested at 5, the age of the little girl. And if Gregg and I were molesters, those kids could have been raped, or murdered last night. Why do people pay so little attention to their children/grandchildren?

[Dmitry]

I smell potential trouble.

This is what you do -

1. Go to the local cops, make a report that you saw 2 unattended children, names, date, time, witnesses. Cops will probably notify child protective services, but it won't be your business any more.

2. Send your neighbor a certified mail [very important!] letter stating that you saw her grand-kids[?] on such and such date, and they were unattended for x number of hours and you think it's unsafe for their well-being to run around unattended. Save the receipt and a copy of the letter for your records.

If the kids show up unattended in your yard again, call the cops right away.

Zai Gezunt

[Jim Alfredson]

Maybe I'm naive, but that seems a little over the top to me. I just remember growing up poor and having a very poor, single-mother family down the road. My brother and I befriended the two sons who were our own age and even though we were poor, my dad and mom always made them feel welcome and gave them whatever food we had. Numerous times they ate dinner with us.

I saw my old friend about a year ago after many years of not hearing from him and he told me how much my family meant to him growing up. His family was so unstable that my mom and dad served as an example to him and he always felt welcome and loved.

Maybe the grandmother just fell asleep on the couch and the kids wandered outside. Maybe she was working on something and told them not to go outside and they did anyway. I would be more concerned with why they seem so hungry. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of money, or maybe she doesn't have steady transportation to the store.

While it is good to tell kids not to talk to strangers, I probably would've invited them in, gave them something to eat and then told them that in the future it probably wouldn't be wise to talk to people they don't know. But since they know me, they can come talk to me if they ever need anything.

I would scope the situation out a bit more before getting the authorities involved, that's all. Maybe all the woman needs is a ride to the grocery store every now and then.

[Dmitry]

Times have changed, Jim. Many people are just waiting to sue you. Especially people of lesser means, people on welfare and . All they do is watch day time tv full of personal injury lawyers commercials. And act on it.

Imagine if one of these kids trips on a garden hose in Berigan's yard and breaks his/her hand...

[Johnny E]

I totally agree with Jim on this. Don’t call the police or child protective services until you know a little more about the situation. Go over to your neighbors house and in an unthreatening way, explain what happened, let her know how cute the kids are (but also how concerned you were) and offer help if they need it. That's the Christian thing to do, no? If you get the feeling that something is not right after you've stopped by, then consider the police, etc.

I grew up very poor like Jim, and I had hungry friends coming to my house for my mom's Italian cooking almost everyday (it's amazing how far you can stretch a little garlic, oil, tomato paste and pasta). We had a real neighborhood feel. But now it seems that the entire country is so scared to talk to one another, we've been brainwashed to think that there is a child molester on every corner and that the answer to every problem is to call the cops.

I can't tell you how many times the cops came to my house because my teenage friends and me were jamming. If the neighbors would have just knocked up we would have gladly turned down or stopped if need be. But no, the cops to our door every other day.

Talk to one another. That's my advice.

[Mr. Gone]

Times have changed, Jim. Many people are just waiting to sue you. Especially people of lesser means, people on welfare and . All they do is watch day time tv full of personal injury lawyers commercials. And act on it.

[rostasi]

So the kids were there...

...and then they weren't?

I'd call Steven King!

[catesta]

If you feed them you'll never get rid of them.

Wait, that's the rule for stray cats and dogs isn't it?

I see Dmitry's point, but I would probably not do anything at this time. If you're uncomfortable with the kids hanging around, talk to your neighbor about it first.

If a problem does exists after that, then by all means do what you have to do.

As for the being hungry end of it. That's tough. If it was me I would make some lasagna or something and bring it over to the house. If the lady is in need I'm sure she would appreciate it. If not, she'll probably still appreciate it.

[Johnny E]

If you feed them you'll never get rid of them.

Wait, that's the rule for stray cats and dogs isn't it?

I see Dmitry's point, but I would probably not do anything at this time. If you're uncomfortable with the kids hanging around, talk to your neighbor about it first.

If a problem does exists after that, then by all means do what you have to do.

As for the being hungry end of it. That's tough. If it was me I would make some lasagna or something and bring it over to the house. If the lady is in need I'm sure she would appreciate it. If not, she'll probably still appreciate it.

That's what I'm talkin' bout!

[catesta]

Conrad did you post a pic of the Lincoln?

[BERIGAN]

Well, nothing really happened after I saw those kids that night. I think they said hi to me a week or so later, and since I never seem to see their Grandmother/Godmother/whatever like I used to(She used to park in the driveway, now pulls her SUV in the Garage all the time)I didn't feel like there was much of a point weeks after the fact that I thought the kids were too friendly with complete strangers. I have to assume if they have an SUV, they are feeding the kids, if I saw evidence to the contrary, then I would try to slip the kids, or the family some food.

Anyway, out of site, out of mind, til Monday. Came home around 9 PM, (It was almost dark) and just after getting out of the car, the 2 kids came up saying they were locked out of the house. The little boy was crying. A 3 and a 5 year old should not be outside this late! So, I go over to their house, and ring the bell. No answer. So I start to knock. No answer, so I start to pound the door, and call out the neighbor's name. Nothing. I start thinking, what do I do? Has she had a stroke? Slipped in the shower? So, just as I was about to go home and call 911, she came to the door. Looked like she had been asleep. I told her the kids had been locked out, and she looked at the girl and said, how'd you lock yourself out? So, she says thanks, and they went inside.As I walked away, I didn't hear any yelling or kids being slapped.

Obviously, this is not "Classic" child abuse, it seems more like sloppy parenting. The woman(After seeing her upclose today, I'd guess she was 60+) could just be watching the kids(I use that term lightly) while their Mom works a graveyard shift, who knows. I just get a vague bad feeling, but I don't want to complicate a possibly bad situation. This may very well be the best situation for the kids. But damn, I could have hit them as they ran between my cars. I heard about a 2 year old being run over last night in Atlanta....would you let your preschool kids alone in the front yard? Am I just overreacting to a few events over several months????