A friend has been declared terminally ill.

[connoisseur series500]

Been bummed about it all day.

She was told yesterday that cancer has spread inside her organs and she will not likely live past six months. She's only 58.

She's a remarkable person, who gives to everyone in the community. She's openminded, generous, hardworking, charitable...I can think of no negatives.

I'm trying to make sense out of this. I cannot grasp it.

[Jim Alfredson]

Sorry to hear this, Paul. These things rarely make sense. I wish I could say more, but I'm at as much of a loss to explain it as you.

[7/4]

Don't know what to say other than I'm sorry.

[connoisseur series500]

Don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. 

←

And what else could you say to her beyond that?

I did talk to her today and she is incredibly upbeat, which is very much in character for her. She says she is going to enjoy her last few months of existence.

She is insisting on not going through any chemo or surgeries. She has a weak heart and probably couldn't survive chemotherapy. The physician discussed these options with her family. She's going to live life till the end. Remarkable person.

[catesta]

How sad.

I'm sorry for your friend, Paul.

[connoisseur series500]

I can't avoid the feeling that I may have violated some sense of privacy by bringing this up on the forum, but I didn't plan to when I signed on. It just kind of came out.

But we're all good friends here, and if anyone has any wisdom to impart or any particular perspective on this sort of thing, then please don't be shy.

[7/4]

Don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. 

←

And what else could you say to her beyond that?

Not much. But I can offer is my sympathy, I don't know what it's like - I came close to passing nine years ago so I know something about what it's like, but hang in there.

Edited October 20, 2005 by 7/4

[Joe G]

Another one of those moments when "words fail". She sounds like the kind of person we want to have around forever.

[7/4]

I can't avoid the feeling that I may have violated some sense of privacy by bringing this up on the forum, but I didn't plan to when I signed on.  It just kind of came out. 

But we're all good friends here, and if anyone has any wisdom to impart or any particular perspective on this sort of thing, then please don't be shy.

←

We're cool.

[Harold_Z]

MAN...It's hard to say anything in these situations. We all hope for a miracle or, in lieu of that, an easy passage.

[paul secor]

I was truly sorry to read your post about your friend.

A very good friend of mine died of cancer a little over two years ago. She was 44 and had fought her disease with everything she had within her. The doctors had given her six weeks to six months to live after the cancer spread to her brain, and she lived for more than two years beyond that prognosis. When someone told her that I wasn't handling the news of her illness very well, she wrote me a note reassuring me that everything was ok and that I shouldn't worry. That's the kind of person she was. I still carry that note and read it when I think about her. Marianne (my friend) was the strongest, bravest person I've known.

All I can say is that I hope you can let your friend know how much you care about her, and that you enjoy the time that you have left with her. I know that she's in your heart now and that she'll remain there after she's gone.

[Peter Johnson]

Wow, Paul, really tough news and I offer my thoughts. This is never, easy to hear and harder to deal with. I know you'll be strong for your friend.

[PHILLYQ]

I think what Paul Secor suggested is a great idea. Also, try as hard as you can to spend as much time with her as you can, offer comfort, do some needed chores for her, etc. Even though I'm sure she knows it, show her that you care about her. Words are so inadequate for times like these, they all seem to sound so hollow and shallow compared to the reality.

[pasta]

Paul, make the time left count for her and for yourself every way you can.

[connoisseur series500]

I was truly sorry to read your post about your friend.

A very good friend of mine died of cancer a little over two years ago. She was 44 and had fought her disease with everything she had within her. The doctors had given her six weeks to six months to live after the cancer spread to her brain, and she lived for more than two years beyond that prognosis. When someone told her that I wasn't handling the news of her illness very well, she wrote me a note reassuring me that everything was ok and that I shouldn't worry. That's the kind of person she was. I still carry that note and read it when I think about her. Marianne (my friend) was the strongest, bravest person I've known.

All I can say is that I hope you can let your friend know how much you care about her, and that you enjoy the time that you have left with her. I know that she's in your heart now and that she'll remain there after she's gone.

←

Beautiful and inspiring story.

Thank you.

[DukeCity]

All I can say is that I hope you can let your friend know how much you care about her, and that you enjoy the time that you have left with her. I know that she's in your heart now and that she'll remain there after she's gone.

←

Excellent words from Paul.

So sorry that you, your friend, or anyone has to go through this...

[connoisseur series500]

I think what Paul Secor suggested is a great idea. Also, try as hard as you can to spend as much time with her as you can, offer comfort, do some needed chores for her, etc. Even though I'm sure she knows it, show her that you care about her. Words are so inadequate for times like these, they all seem to sound so hollow and shallow compared to the reality.

←

She knows I'm there for her, but so are a lot of others. This woman did a lot of good in her life, and she's got a ton of support from many people.

[Johnny E]

I was truly sorry to read your post about your friend.

A very good friend of mine died of cancer a little over two years ago. She was 44 and had fought her disease with everything she had within her. The doctors had given her six weeks to six months to live after the cancer spread to her brain, and she lived for more than two years beyond that prognosis. When someone told her that I wasn't handling the news of her illness very well, she wrote me a note reassuring me that everything was ok and that I shouldn't worry. That's the kind of person she was. I still carry that note and read it when I think about her. Marianne (my friend) was the strongest, bravest person I've known.

All I can say is that I hope you can let your friend know how much you care about her, and that you enjoy the time that you have left with her. I know that she's in your heart now and that she'll remain there after she's gone.

←

Beautiful and inspiring story.

Thank you.

←

Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. My thoughts are with you Paul - and your friend. Life is a very fleeting thing. We lose sight of that sometimes. Stay strong.

[Brad]

Very sorry Paul. Paul Secor's thoughts were something else. I suppose I would say celebrate her life but I sometimes wonder what I would do if I were in your friend's place. I don't know how I'd act. Hopefully, fight. Peace by with you and your friend.

[sjarrell]

Paul-

My mom was a few months short of her 54th birthday when she died. It started as breast/lymph cancer (very suddenly, between regular 6-month mammograms) and of course was eventually just everywhere. Took 2 1/2 years, all told.

She was a beloved elementary school teacher and had tons of support from all around. Aside from the illness I think she had a pretty good last couple of years. Lots of love.

Her mother and I took her to the gulf coast the last week she was alive. She wanted to sit on the beach in Destin. It was January, she was bundled up in god only knows how many blankets. But the sun was out, and the ocean was there. She closed her eyes and said it sounded nice.

The moment we were back in Atlanta she checked out. She just needed to say goodbye to the ocean.

My wife's Grandmother, 87, was diasgnosed late last year with uterine cancer. When asked if there was anything she'd like to do, she said "I suppose it'd be nice to see the ocean one more time". She's not gotten there yet, but the treatment seems to have worked, for now. So there's still time.

Maybe your friend likes the ocean too?

Best to you and her. Reports of cancer always make me sad.

Sandy

[connoisseur series500]

Thank you, Sandy.