DTMX Posted August 17, 2005 Report Posted August 17, 2005 Old news: Saxophonist Remains Dateless, Sues Instrument Manufacturer Saxophonist Remains Dateless, Sues Instrument Manufacturer Ames, Iowa - Mulford A. Barlow, an accountant for the Schneidemann Meat Packing Company and an amateur saxophonist, is suing the Selmer Musical Instrument Corporation for an undisclosed sum of money for what he is terming “gross violations of an implied contract.” Mr. Barlow’s attorney, noted civil rights lawyer Ron Kuby, alleges in papers filed today with the 2nd Circuit Court of Central Iowa that “in their glamorous print advertisements that feature beautiful women gazing longingly at men playing the saxophone, the Selmer Corporation creates the expectation that all one has to do to gain favor with said beautiful women is to purchase and learn how to play one of their extremely expensive saxophones. After spending more than $6000 on a Selmer Mark VII Eb Alto Saxophone and assorted accessories, as well as two years’ worth of private lessons, my client, Mr. Barlow, is no closer to going on his first date than the day he passed his CPA exam.” Saxophonists around the world have rallied to Mr. Barlow’s cause. David Sanborn and Branford Marsalis have organized “Sax Appeal,” a 12-hour live telethon that will raise money to help defray Mr. Barlow’s legal costs and will air on the Fox and ABC networks next Saturday starting at 8pm/7pm Central. Especially noteworthy is former President Bill Clinton’s offer to testify on Barlow’s behalf as an expert witness on the unrealistic sexual expectations placed upon saxophonists. “We’re all victims of a sax-drenched society,” said the former President during a meeting of the Renaissance Society at Hedonism II in Kingston, Jamaica. “TV, radio, movies, video games. It’s nothing but sax, sax, sax.” For his part, Mr. Barlow is said to have become disillusioned with the saxophone and is giving it up in order to concentrate on the accordion. “There are some hot babes who go every week to Polka Night at the local Moose Lodge,” said Mr. Barlow from his bachelor pad in his mother’s house. “Who knows, I just might get lucky.” Quote
Brad Posted August 19, 2005 Report Posted August 19, 2005 Reminds me of that woman who sued McDonalds for not warning that the coffee was hot. Quote
king ubu Posted August 19, 2005 Report Posted August 19, 2005 Reminds me of that woman who sued McDonalds for not warning that the coffee was hot. ← This fits in with the American stupidity thread... this is so ridiculous. Should Selmer print on their ad something like: the beautiful women will not be delivered with the saxophone and are not related in any way to the product we sell? Or rather: only learn to play the saxophone if you already have a beautiful woman on your side? Why should tax money be spent because of such a moron? Probably future Selmer ads should include a line: "If you're a meat packager and thus - that's only natural, if you pursue that profession - constantly smelling of meat (not yours, but that of dead animals, of course), you will not have any rendez-vous with any beautiful ladies, regardless of your owning and mastering our Selmer saxophone." Quote
Claude Posted August 19, 2005 Report Posted August 19, 2005 Reminds me of that woman who sued McDonalds for not warning that the coffee was hot. ← Yes, but that lawsuit was real. The Selmer case is satire. Check the other "news" on the site Quote
Rosco Posted August 19, 2005 Report Posted August 19, 2005 It had me going up until the third paragraph... Kind of scary that the first two were perfectly plausable, though... Quote
Rosco Posted August 19, 2005 Report Posted August 19, 2005 Actually, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought it meant he couldn't get any gigs... Now if we could sue for that... Quote
BruceH Posted August 22, 2005 Report Posted August 22, 2005 Reminds me of that woman who sued McDonalds for not warning that the coffee was hot. ← Yes, but that lawsuit was real. The Selmer case is satire. Check the other "news" on the site ← Everyone's copying The Onion nowadays.... Quote
Joe M Posted August 23, 2005 Report Posted August 23, 2005 $6,000 for a Mark VII? Way overpriced. Shoulda got a Mark VI for that money! Quote
king ubu Posted August 24, 2005 Report Posted August 24, 2005 $6,000 for a Mark VII? Way overpriced. Shoulda got a Mark VI for that money! ← I got a Mark VII alto (built 1971) for aound 1200 or 1300 $ a couple of years ago... love it! Quote
Chuck Nessa Posted August 24, 2005 Report Posted August 24, 2005 $6,000 for a Mark VII? Way overpriced. Shoulda got a Mark VI for that money! ← It says the $6000 was for the sax and "assorted accessories". Probably has a sun roof, side airbags, traction control etc. That stuff ain't cheap. Quote
rostasi Posted August 24, 2005 Report Posted August 24, 2005 Here's some dates...have a ball buddy... Quote
JSngry Posted August 24, 2005 Report Posted August 24, 2005 Six grand is too much to pay for any alto... Quote
JSngry Posted August 24, 2005 Report Posted August 24, 2005 Here's some dates...have a ball buddy... ← Quote
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