JSngry Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Is there any excuse for this stuff being on the market? I mean, even Velveeta has a useful purpose (queso dip). But this American cheese crap, what good is it, other than to satisfy those random cravings for edible plastic that sticks to the roof of your mouth? Speak up, people - write your congressman, boycott Kraft, discover a way to put cheddar into individually wrapped cello-packs so the trauma to the masses won't be too much. Just do SOMETHING! American Cheese Has GOT To Go!!! Quote
Jazzmoose Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Jim, my man, you have tapped into one of my great pet peeves of life. This pig swill is the ultimate FOOD OF EVIL!! It adds calories to a sandwich, without adding one iota of taste whatsoever!!! American Cheese is to food as Kenny G. is to jazz! American Cheese may be the greatest single evil to force itself into our grocery shelves! American Cheese is without any redeeming factor! Kraft will be first against the wall when the revolution comes!! Quote
J Larsen Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 A couple weeks ago my girlfriend brought home Kraft Crackerbarrel cheese from the supermarket. I almost barfed upon my first taste. It's like they tried to make aged American cheese. I still shudder everytime I think about it. And I'm serious about that. Quote
Noj Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 American Cheese was made for the purpose of In-N-Out Burgers. Wouldn't accept my 3x5 with any other queso. Quote
Templejazz Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 (edited) My favorite cheeses are sharp provolone, cheddar, brie, muenster, colby jack, monterey jack and Sliced american cheese is my least favorite 'cause it leaves a ghastly aftertaste in my mouth. Edited June 26, 2003 by Templejazz Quote
J Larsen Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 My discovery of cambazola cheese several years ago probably cost me about another ten pounds. I'm off the stuff now. Quote
Peter Johnson Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Ah, a topic near and dear to my heart. Hook me up with a stinky ol' blue chunk of fourme d'ambert ANY DAY... Quote
RDK Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Hey! I like American cheese, though only the stuff made with real milk and not that fake kind that comes individually wrapped in plastic. There's nothing else like it for melting over hamburgers. Besides, unlike French cheese, it's not supposed to be moldy... Quote
patricia Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Read the label on the cheese in the market. If it says "cheese food", it's so adulterated and processed that it isn't even called "cheese". Avoid it, as you would the PLAGUE. Cheese is bought at a cheese shop, or a good deli. Period. Quote
RDK Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Hey, speaking of cheese, anyone else fancy mizithra as much as i do? Quote
jazzbo Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 The thing that most chaffs my hide is THIS is the stuff they slap the "American" monicker on! I mean wouldn't some nice buttery white "Brick" cheese be the more appropriate choice? Quote
White Lightning Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 American Cheese is the perfect match for American bread. Quote
sidewinder Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 A customer walks in the door ........ Customer: Good Morning. Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man. Owner: What can I do for you, Sir? Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish. Owner: Peckish, sir? Customer: Esuriant. Owner: Eh? Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike! Owner: Ah, hungry! Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles! Owner: Come again? Customer: I want to buy some cheese. Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player! Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse! Owner: Sorry? Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too! Owner: So he can go on playing, can he? Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man. Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like? Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester. Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir. Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit? Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday. Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please. Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning. Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese? Owner: Sorry, sir. Customer: Red Windsor? Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down. Customer: Ah. Stilton? Owner: Sorry. Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere? Owner: No. Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance. Owner: No. Customer: Lipta? Owner: No. Customer: Lancashire? Owner: No. Customer: White Stilton? Owner: No. Customer: Danish Brew? Owner: No. Customer: Double Goucester? Owner: No. Customer: Cheshire? Owner: No. Customer: Dorset Bluveny? Owner: No. Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson? Owner: No. Customer: Camenbert, perhaps? Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir. Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent. Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny... Customer: Oh, I like it runny. Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir. Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah! Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir. Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed. Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! Customer: What now? Owner: The cat's eaten it. Customer: Has he. Owner: She, sir. (pause) Customer: Gouda? Owner: No. Customer: Edam? Owner: No. Customer: Case Ness? Owner: No. Customer: Smoked Austrian? Owner: No. Customer: Japanese Sage Darby? Owner: No, sir. Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you? Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-- Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess. Owner: Fair enough. Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale. Owner: Yes? Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that! Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name. (pause) Customer: Greek Feta? Owner: Uh, not as such. Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola? Owner: no Customer: Parmesan, Owner: no Customer: Mozarella, Owner: no Customer: Paper Cramer, Owner: no Customer: Danish Bimbo, Owner: no Customer: Czech sheep's milk, Owner: no Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? Owner: Not *today*, sir, no. (pause) Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar? Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir. Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world! Owner: Not 'round here, sir. Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah? Owner: 'Illchester, sir. Customer: IS it. Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire. Customer: Is it. Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir! Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh? Owner: Right, sir. Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'. Owner: I'll have a look, sir... .....nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it? Owner: Finest in the district! Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir! Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.... Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir. Customer: Would it be worth it? Owner: Could be.... Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF! Owner: Told you sir.... Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger? Owner: No. Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me: Owner: Yessir? Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all. Owner: Yes, sir. Customer: Really? (pause) Owner: No. Not really, sir. Customer: You haven't. Owner: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir. Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you. Owner: Right-Oh, sir. (The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner) Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life. :rsmile: Quote
P.D. Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 (edited) Another Couple who will go to great lengths for a GOOD piece of Cheese Double Glouchester.... anyone? Edited June 26, 2003 by P.D. Quote
sidewinder Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 http://ftp.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/A152821 Quote
connoisseur series500 Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 It's American beer that is really pathetic. Even the cheese is better than that! Quote
P.D. Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 What would be REALLY pathetic would be an American Ploughman's Lunch....... Bad Bread, Bad Beer, Bad Cheese... not to mention the lack of Branston Pickles.... Damn I'm getting homesick trust Jim to start something. Quote
catesta Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 I've been known to cut plenty of cheese, but I don't dig the American stuff. Quote
Alexander Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 I LOVE the Python "Cheese Shop" skit! Thanks for posting it, Sidewinder. I needed a larf. As to the question of American Cheese, I don't touch it normally, but for some reason I really like it on cheeseburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches. I'd rather have cheddar, ultimately, though. It's the single most popular cheese in the WORLD! Quote
RDK Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 As to the question of American Cheese, I don't touch it normally, but for some reason I really like it on cheeseburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches. I'd rather have cheddar, ultimately, though. Maybe I'm confused. Do people actually eat American cheese on or with anything *other* than cheeseburgers or grilled cheese sandwiches? Here I was defending the stuff, but eating it any other way than that is just plain sick! Quote
Shrdlu Posted June 26, 2003 Report Posted June 26, 2003 Cheese? Whatever next? Most American cheese, and most American bread, stinks - Barak, you're right on the money. For the most part, unless you are in a big city, with European Delis to frequent, you are in trouble. American tea, which is basically Lipton's and a few clones thereof, is also bad news except for good ol' iced tea, which I like. Fortunately, most supermarkets stock Twinings tea bags, but that can get a bit pricey. The Canucks do O.K., as they have British tea in all their supermarkets. My favorite cheese is probably Président camembert, but I love lots of others. Edam goes down well, too, and is said to be low fat. Quote
JSngry Posted June 27, 2003 Author Report Posted June 27, 2003 Maybe I'm confused. Do people actually eat American cheese on or with anything *other* than cheeseburgers or grilled cheese sandwiches? For many people it IS cheese. That's all they know! You get a sub at Subway, and the cheese is White American. The irony should be more than obvious.... :D Quote
connoisseur series500 Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Cheese? Whatever next? Most American cheese, and most American bread, stinks - Barak, you're right on the money. For the most part, unless you are in a big city, with European Delis to frequent, you are in trouble. American tea, which is basically Lipton's and a few clones thereof, is also bad news except for good ol' iced tea, which I like. Fortunately, most supermarkets stock Twinings tea bags, but that can get a bit pricey. The Canucks do O.K., as they have British tea in all their supermarkets. My favorite cheese is probably Président camembert, but I love lots of others. Edam goes down well, too, and is said to be low fat. Forgot about the tea. Having been brought up British, I drink lots of tea on a daily basis. The brand I like here is Tetley. Twinings is too costly if you guzzle by the gallon like I do. Red Rose is a distant second. Another option is for me to drive up to Windsor, Canada (1 hour away) and load up on Ridgeway or other brands. Quote
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