Adam Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Conquer a fear. Call her back. Catch up for a few minutes. You are not obligated to do anything else. You don't have to follow up with the friends. You don't need to call her again. If she asks you to go out with a group, say you can't at this time, but thank you for asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Kat Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Sounds good, try it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 (edited) Conquer a fear. Call her back. Catch up for a few minutes. You are not obligated to do anything else. You don't have to follow up with the friends. You don't need to call her again. If she asks you to go out with a group, say you can't at this time, but thank you for asking. Perfect advice, IMO. The opening sentence is particularly noteworthy! And the fact that you chose to share this (somewhat personal) situation on this forum is endearing -- not a put-off. Many years ago I became involved in a similar situation. I bumped into an old (male) room-mate in line at a home-improvement store. He was a guy who was rather passive-aggressive -- and as we were room-mates in our early twenties I didn't realize what an absolute ass he was until some more age and wisdom set in. He suggested that we hook up for pizza, and I declined citing my frantic schedule. (the truth) Not taking no for an answer, I finally had to tell him that I didn't much care for the way he treated me in our youth (in a neutral tone of voice) and just calmly walked away. Edited March 24, 2005 by James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Bertrand, I'd keep my wife informed, and call her back. I'd let her know that you're not interested in the mini-reunion because you got too much grief from that crowd. Nobody needs more hassle in his life, and it's OK to say that those people caused hassle. If she would like to get together as friends, double date with your spouses. Your wife might find them interesting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catesta Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 I'd skip it myself. I'd prefer the past remain in the past. I'm not the person I was years ago, and odds are, neither is anyone I knew then. Okay, except the pot smokers of course... That's how I feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bertrand Posted March 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 I edited my two postings to further clear up a misunderstanding that seems to have arisen based on some of the repsonses. Thanks to everyone for their ideas - some of you exactly understood my dilemma. I'll go ahead and call in a bit when I'm done with work. For now, I'll leave it as a phone call. I wouldn't have time to get together for a while anyway. If it comes up, I will make it clear that there are some people I just don't care to speak to anymore. Bertrand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Kat Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Wouldnt you be more comfortable talking through e-mail? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave James Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 (edited) Bertrand, I'm jumping in here at the 11th hour, but that's never stopped me before. This strikes me as something of a damed if you do and damed if you don't scenario. Given that there doesn't seem to be any deeper connection between the two of you other than the fact that at one time you were pretty good friends, I'm not sure there's really anything wrong with calling her back. I'm sure you'd probably at least like to do some catching up. For sure, no matter what she suggests or where the conversation leads, you still have the right of first refusal. For instance, if I was in your shoes and she did surface the idea getting together with the old crowd, I'd have a lot less difficulty telling her how I really felt about that group of people now when you're years removed from any direct involvement. But, that's just me. Bottom line for me is that I'm afraid my curiosity would get the better of me. I'm like a lot of other people in that I don't tend to worry much about former friends and acquaintances...what was was and what is is. Point being, I would never initiate contact with someone who used to be a friend, but if they called me, I'd have a hard time not talking to them for at least awhile just to see what kind of hand life had dealt them. Also, and the last thing I want to do is pry, but I have to ask anyway; now that you've been x-rayed by all the "Board" certified psychologists around here, are you going to give us some idea of the outcome? Up over and out. Edited March 25, 2005 by Dave James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 (edited) That's how I feel. This is THE WAY I FEEL: If the music is any indication, the most horrifying condition imaginable. Edited March 25, 2005 by JSngry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 This strikes me as something of a damed if you do and damed if you don't scenario. Exactly, so if he is already married, and hence, already damed, he should just skip it. But if not, and his goal is to get damed...wait a minute; that's a typo, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bertrand Posted March 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Update: called and left a message. I now have her e-mail (didn't have it earlier today) thanks to our mutual friend who sent us a mass e-mail and doesn't know about sending mass e-mails using the bcc option. Bertrand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave James Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Jazzmoose, Nice catch on "damed" instead of "damned". Something Freudian no doubt. I edited this stupid message about three times and never saw that. Hmmmm. Up over and out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Yeah, but don't ya hate smartasses who point these things out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave James Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 JM, Actually, no. It's exactly the kind of thing I would do. Turnabout is fair play. Up over and out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Yeah, but don't ya hate smartasses who point these things out? Yeah, if it's a Moose. Seriously, I'd probably give her a call, mostly out of curiosity. Just because the two of you are in different economic circles doesn't mean you have to socialize again. I once got a call from an old girlfriend where the parting wasn't on the best basis. We had lunch but that was it. I think we each got over the curiosity quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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