Proposed Wal-Mart Wine Names

[JSngry]

Based on a true story, I guess. Haven't laughed this hard in years.

BENTONVILLE, ARK (AP) -- Some Walmart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Walmart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range.

While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Walmart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said: "The right name is important."

So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Walmart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Parc

11. White Trashfindel

10. Big Red Gulp

9. Grape Expectations

8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"

7. NASCARbernet

6. Chef Boyardeaux

5. Peanut Noir

4. Chateau des Moines

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. World Championship Riesling

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ...

1. Nasti Spumante

[Joe]

"Made from REAL paint thinner!"

[chris olivarez]

I propose a private brand and I want to name it "Wal Mart Slave Labor Gutter Piss".

[Shrdlu]

Everywhere you look, nowadays. Is there no store that is booze-free?

One more suggestion: "Plonk de Plonks".

I have lived in Canada. A friend once said "Canadian wine comes in three varieties: red, white and industrial strength."

I liked the mock Orson Welles on "The Critic", who was advertising Gallo wines, and said "Sensibly priced at just a dollar a jug."

[AmirBagachelles]

I would definitely go with a name that carried a bit of high-end mystique, but reinforced that this a uniquely Wal-Mart product:

Two proposals: "Aisle 43" and "Wobbly Wheel"

[Guest Chaney]

Hysterical stuff!

Thanks for posting that.

[Big Al]

"Sam's Croix"

[DTMX]

Sadly, the name Old Fart has already been taken. Available at a Kroger supermarket near you.

Edited September 24, 2004 by DTMX

[Alexander]

I liked the mock Orson Welles on "The Critic", who was advertising Gallo wines, and said "Sensibly priced at just a dollar a jug."

"Birdseye Frozen Peas: Made with frozen goodness and green pea-ness..."

Edited September 24, 2004 by Alexander

[Tjazz]

Trader Joe's already sells Two Buck Chuck.

[couw]

voilà, a nice song to go with Chateau Migraine

[Son-of-a-Weizen]

WalSwill

[Shrdlu]

Alex, did you catch the Orson Welles Video Will on "The Critic"? It began with an ad for Mrs Smith's fish sticks!

On the subject of wines, and the pompous rubbish written about this rotted grape juice, James Thurber had the last word, which went something like this: "It's a simple wine, without any breeding, but I think you will be amused by its presumption."

[ejp626]

WalMerlot ?

WalMart Wines: When you simply can't get the very best

[alankin]

Everywhere you look, nowadays. Is there no store that is booze-free?

Welcome to Pennsylvania, home of alcohol socialism.

[John L]

Everywhere you look, nowadays. Is there no store that is booze-free?

Welcome to Pennsylvania, home of alcohol socialism.

Yea, I can remember living in Philly in the 1980s.

I recall a cartoon from that period about "Soviet Emigrants in Philadelphia." It showed a long line of people in the snow in heavy coats and Russian fur hats in front of a State Store.

[Phil Meloy]

The Dogs Bollocks is cockney slang for something special or really good, and is the house label of Eastenders, a booze hypermarket in Calais. Calais is some 25 miles over the channel from England, connected by frequent ferries and the channel tunnel. Tax on wine in France barely exists, while tax on wine in England can double the cost of a cheap wine. Cockney Dave West opened Eastenders warehouse to cater for the hundreds of Brits who cross the channel to load their vehicles with cheap booze. (Bollocks is British slang for testicles and the word used on its own means 'rubbish'.) .