Should I stay in Philly or move to Seattle?

[Peter Johnson]

Some background--as objectively as I can state it. I trust nobody employed by my firm is a member of this board!

Gail (my wife) and I moved to Philadelphia from Seattle in 2001 for her residency. We love Philly, and, although I can see myself living here for the duration, Gail has decided that she will not ultimately be happy unless we have a plan to get back to the Pacific Northwest--at some time.

When we moved here, I found a position with a law firm I love. Love. Best job I've ever had. When Gail finished her residency, she found a position with a pediatric practice she loves--best job she's ever had. We bought a house in Philly, have made great friends here--it's all good.

Recently, I flew back to Seattle to interview with a great firm there. Long story short, it felt like a great fit, and they offered me a position starting January 2005. I'm sitting on the offer now--no real deadline to accept/reject, but I need to fish or cut bait soon.

Now we're in a quandry and don't know what to do. Gail's position is contracted through June 2005, and a bicoastal marriage (for a defined period) is no problem for us (been there, done that). Of course, we would prefer to keep the duration of that to a minimum.

Issue: legal jobs in the PNW are few and far between. If I reject this job, there might not be another one in a comparable firm in my field (trusts and estates) for some time to come; this can be problematic as time creeps on and I try to "switch coasts" without a good portable book of business. On the other hand, if a firm is willing to hire me now, what's to say one wouldn't hire me in a year? I should also say that the 1/1/05 start date is a bit of a negotiation already; they want me now, I want them next June.

So my question for you, my dear, esteemed fellow board members, is this: what the hell should we do? Probably the most important facts here are: a) we own a house; b) we have most of our family in the PNW; c) we will have kids at some point in the near future; d) we love our current positions.

I know this is asking for responses in a vacuum, but I really trust all of your judgment and would really appreciate your input. As you can probably tell, I'm really struggling with this, so please, please chime in with any questions you might be asking if faced with a similar situation.

Thanks so much for the feedback--I truly appreciate it.

[wesbed]

I'm 38 years old. Since graduating from college I've never lived far from my parent's house. I purchased a home just two miles from where my parent's live. I've always been glad to have them around and in my life. They are two of my best friends and always 'there' for me if needed.

I say... go where your family is. Especially if you plan to have kids. My Dad's job took he, my Mom, my sister and I away from our extended family. I liked my grandparents but never really 'knew' them. We always lived too far away. Give your kids and your parents a chance to know each other.

Jobs come and go. Careers change. Money may be plentiful or may not be. You have only one family. Don't miss 'your' people.

Edited August 27, 2004 by wesbed

[wesbed]

I have a job that, while it's not a 'bad job... And, is a 'good' company, keeps me under-employed. I don't use my education. I don't make as much money as what my educational potential would dictate.

However, my life is good. I chose to stay with 'my' people and not chase the career/job/money thing. As I grow older, I'm realizing that all we really have in this world is each other. I'm glad to have my family near me. I'm glad I decided to hang around.

I live within only a few miles of my parents, my sister, her husband, and my nephews. I have a 'special' female friend who moved here to be a part of my life and the family that goes with it.

Again, go where your family is.

Edited August 27, 2004 by wesbed

[Ed S]

FWIW, I voted for Seattle.

It sounds as if your roots are there, your family is there and with you planning to start a family of your own, it's a natural.

Your wife seems to have more of a yearning to return to the PNW and that will only grow over time - especially after having children I'd guess. You've already demonstrated a willingness to move by interviewing for the new position. Coach Marv Levy of the Bills once said that once an athlete starts thinking about retiring, he might as well hang 'em up because his attitude about the game changes. I think that might apply to you as it relates to your current position and the fact that you've interviewed and are considering a new one. You're more than half way there.

It sounds like things will never be more favorably aligned for a move.

[catesta]

These kinds of decisions are tough.

It sounds like Seattle might be your best bet, based on what you said about your wife and all.

I would go back to the firm and tell them June 05 is the ideal time for you. Hopefully they will understand and be willing to wait.

BTW, I voted Philly, but only becasue that is what I would do.

Edited August 27, 2004 by catesta

[Eric]

family trumps all - move home

[JSngry]

Split the difference and settle in Iowa.

[sal]

Sounds like in either place, you will be doing just fine. You sound like smart, successful people, so I'm sure either place would ultimately work out for you. Therefore, I'm basing my vote on the the place that I just feel is "better".....Seattle. Its tough to beat the Pacific NW for its sheer beauty and laid-back atmosphere. Plus, Seattle is a really cool city with lots to do, great food, and jazz. Philly is a cool place as well (also with lots to do, great food and jazz), but I would choose Seattle in a heartbeat. Plus, having your family there would seal the deal for me. Like wesbed says, family is numero uno.

[Shawn]

Seattle is a great place..but WORD OF WARNING....

The job market there SUCKS...I mean SUCKS!!!! I tried to relocate back to Seattle (I lived there for 6 years) earlier this year. I spent over 2 months pounding the pavement looking for a job and didn't even get a single interview. Each job I applied for had at least 50 applicants. During that time I tried to work temp jobs to exist...but on average even the temp agencies were dead and I averaged about 2 days of work a week (and I was signed up with 5 different agencies).

So I would say...if the job is a SURE THING then go for it. The real estate market has loosened way up and there are rentals available everywhere. I still love Seattle, but I would never go back there again unless I had a guaranteed job waiting and they paid for my move.

There are many other places (including Seattle) that I would prefer living than in the tri-state area (WV,VA,MD)...but the job market is good here and the cost of living is cheap.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Peter Johnson]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone; you bring up interesting issues, and different perspectives to the table--I appreciate it.

1/3 to 2/3! Interesting...

No decision yet!

[Dan Gould]

I voted for Seattle because you intend to move there, you have a good offer on the table, you're prepared to deal with a bi-coastal marriage, and most of all, you intend to move their eventually, so it really seems like the right time to me.

Good luck in whatever you choose, Peter!

[jazzbo]

I didn't vote. I believe that this is a family decision, and I would hope that you and your wife would work out the best path for the family. . . . I have a feeling you'll decide for Seattle when you both make that decision!

[PHILLYQ]

I didn't vote, but were I you I would go to Seattle. You say you are planning on having kids, and it seems that both you and your wife are in occupations that demand long hours and little time at home. If you are near family, the little one(s) will have family to see and they sure can come in handy when you need child care help(as nearly everyone does to some degree or another). Growing up around extended family can be quite a wonderful memory and teach the little one(s) the importance of family by example.

You can even call Johnny E to babysit- he's around there somewhere.

[Johnny E]

I'm from Philly, now living ion Seattle, so I have a little insight, for what it's worth. Raising a family? Seattle, hands down. My brother moved his family out here a few years ago and he feels like it was the best thing he ever did for his kids. Good schools, less crime, liberal minded people. You'll be losing the cheesesteaks and hoagies, but you'll be gaining the Thai food and Dungenese crab. It's so much cleaner here, and you have rain forrest, desert, Cascade & Olympic mountains, Pacific ocean, and Canada all within a few hours of the city. Wadiya got in Philly? The Poconos?

One thing though...if you do move back to Seattle, could you pick me up a box of Peanutbutter KandyKakes?

[wesbed]

One thing though...if you do move back to Seattle, could you pick me up a box of Peanutbutter KandyKakes?

[Johnny E]

One thing though...if you do move back to Seattle, could you pick me up a box of Peanutbutter KandyKakes?

Since when are Peanut Butter KandyKakes white?

[Noj]

Hit it boys!

"Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

If I stay it will be double

So you've got to let me know

Should I stay or should I go?"

I say skeedaddle to Seattle too.

[Jazzdog]

You just can't beat the comforts of home, saying that the job market, being as unstable as it is right now for most of us, could be the one major roadblock keeping you in Philly. Does Gail think she will have a good chance finding employment in Seattle? If so, I say, get back to where you once belonged...ASAP!

Having said that, my relationship is on the skids for similar reasons. Miranda was raised ont he East Coast, and after a time away, both her brother and his family and her parents (they all lived in Portland, OR) relocated bakc to the East Coast, her borhter and his family to Virginia, parents to Portland, ME. She is desperately unhappy living her away from her family and friends, and I fell bad that the only thing keeping her here is me.

I took some time away fromt he Bay Area, born and raised here, and when I returned I felt that I never wanted to live far from home again. Family is important to both of us, and her peace and happiness resluts in being closer to her family and friends. Freinds can change though, but family dosen't. Go to Seattle!

[Free For All]

DO IT BABY!!

[medjuck]

Gail has decided that she will not ultimately be happy unless we have a plan to get back to the Pacific Northwest--at some time.

Nuff said.

[Brad]

Peter,

Is this is a lateral or chance for partnership. If they're offering you partnership, if it were me, I'd probably take it, hands down. Otherwise, it's tough but if that's where your wife want to go, regardless, you should do it. Plus it beat rooting for Philly sports teams.

[marcoliv]

Peter, i can't help you about the places but if you stay in Philly you´ll have Gail complaining about it and we all know how painful is a woman complaining....

Marcus

[Edward]

I believe that the only factor that has not been addressed is how easy/difficult it would be for your wife to find a good job in Seattle. Of course, if she is the one who is determined to move back to the PNW come rain or come shine, then I suppose that it is not much of an issue - she should find something sooner or later.

Unfortunately, I have not lived in either city (in retrospect, I wish I had gone to law school at Penn). I agree with Johnny, though, that Seattle seems a much easier place to raise a family. I also agree with PHILLYQ that there are tremendous advantages to raising children in the proximity of an extended family. Moreover, spending time with your parents will become increasingly more important as they grow older.

I did not vote, but if I were you, I would take the job offer in Seattle and try to push back the start date as close to June as possible. If you are correct about the legal market in Seattle being very tight (and I have no reason to doubt you), then you may end up kicking yourself a few years down the line for not taking what appears to be a great opportunity to relocate now.

[Peter Johnson]

Well, an update, if anyone's interested!

I've accepted the offer, and will be heading west at a time to be determined--in all events, no later than the end of February. I told the senior parter at my firm today--he couldn't have been more gracious. It helps that he's familiar with (and knows the senior partner at) the firm I'll be joining, and realizes I'm not moving across town to a competitor. I nearly broke down during the conversation when he told me I was welcome to stay as long as I wished. I've just never had a position where I've truly enjoyed working with everyone. Now I have to go around and tell all the other partners.

So it's off to the west with me; Gail will follow at some point, probably around June or July. No big thing--we've been separated for months on end before. Plus, airfare is so cheap right now that I should be able to fly back here for odd 3-day weekends--I can't miss out on the remainder of our Philadelphia Orchestra subscription!

It's overwhelming and emotional, but it certainly feels good to have "gotten off the pot," if you know what I'm saying!

Thank you so much for your posted comments--they gave us a lot of food for thought as we slogged our way through what, in the end, was about a three-month decision.

Look out, Johnny E--I'm going to darken your doorway soon!

[Ed S]

Congratulations and good luck with your move, career and family.