The Groper

Keep swinging wildly, DRUMNUTS, you're bound eventually to connect with something other than your "RIDE CYMBAL"--and watch out you don't BEARD THE ANGOR-Y PUSSYCAT!

DEEP: Thank you for the movie recommendation. I've been following the controversy over Mel's take on "The Passion" and wouldn't think of missing it. I might even spring for the first run admission rather than waiting for the rental DVD, as is my custom. OR I'll find a "sponsor" to pay my way--DILD PRICK! Am I DEEP LITE? That would make me SHALLOW. Is that what you're GROPE-ing to say? You've got a real gift for alienating kindred spirits, JERK-OFF. First you protest that we are not the same, then you claim to BE ME and now you denigrate my chivalry toward Patricia, such as it is. I guess I should be flattered that you deign to waste all those over-sized keystrokes on me, COCKSUCKER. (I will overlook the slight that you didn't ask for my recipe for pot roast, FUCKSTICK!) Wise up, ASSHOLE--We've ALL got hair on our chests--including PATRICIA!

Allllllrighhht, DEEP--No more Mr. Nice Guy from this quarter, no more ENABLING. THE GLOVES ARE OFF! ...but first I gotta go check on my pot roast....

Don't you all see DEEP's genius? Apocrypha becomes legend becomes reality becomes NON-IDENTITY? B-3 prints it all out and sells it in book form, denying he owes any of us any royalties because WE DON'T EXIST. Deus: You're cute with the graphics, but you dodged my question about why you deserve a spot in the PANTHEON.

No, DEEP, not trading stamps--clipping coupons. I really get off on using my supermarket discount card on special items and then hammering the appropriate coupon on the check-out counter and screaming, "GIN! YOU pay ME!" to the cashier. Frankly, I was enervated by yesterday's group identity crisis. I'm amazed that the USUAL GANG OF IDIOTS continued into the evening, but that's a matter of my lack of stamina in a new asylum. I see why DEEP wants the CHAIR or TREEHOUSE or HE-MAN WOMAN-HATER'S CLUB or whatever. It's the HOUSE OF MIRRORS effect: Real people, their opinions, experiences, attitudes, IDENTITIES get distorted in a delightfully chaotic way. This is truly outside-the-box thinking, visionary even. DEEP, you're a genius--psychedelia without drugs. B-3, this is a BIG opportunity for you--and I'm not talkin' CD sales. You could be a cyber-pioneer. With Conn500 on board we might be talking PARALLEL UNIVERSE. JS: You are the zen master of humor, also a natural for this DEEP concept. Patty: I think you should be invited along for the ride. You're like me--VIRTUAL's good enough for jazz, in both senses of the word. Deus: What's your "god" reference? I think DEEP might be hasty in disqualifying you from his HAVEN. WARPED SPEED! UP, UP AND AWAY!

SGUD: Then you're either Dagmar or Lyle Boettger. My minions and sycophants, not to mention my henchmen, are onto you.

I've never heard this particular side, but your discussion takes me back to a Miles concert I attended at Stanford University in the summer of 1970. It was my first exposure to electric Miles and was mindblowing but difficult. The personnel must have been largely the same. Airto and Dave Holland were there, but I'm not sure about the rest. Miles always had an all-star lineup, but that night I wish he would have soloed more himself. He tended to offer only sporadic outbursts. I bought a few of the electric sides of that era, but always found them mostly inaccessible. Your comments here have spurred me to squelch my prejudices and try again. BTW, Sly and The Family Stone was the warm-up act. I don't know if "psychedelic" even begins to describe that sojourn in California.

Patty: I thanked you for your vote of confidence. I smell a DEEP CONN in the ether.

REALITY CHECK: WMD's are known to exist. The diabolically subtle part is that possessors, procurers, and deployers JEALOUSLY CONCEAL THEIR LOCATIONS. Let us assiduously search out and destroy them, even if we trace them to Mars.

Conn500: Here's the deal--I'll be the "fount of charisma" if DEEP cleans it up. Your Comrade in Sanity, The Groper

Z (HE LIVES!): MATRIX, SCHMATRIX--DEEP is in over our heads and OUTTA CONTROL!

DEEP: This skin (not to mention SKULL) is not big enough for the both of us. STEP OFF, SENIOR

Patricia: Thanks for the vote of confidence. JSngry: Your crypticisms are intriguing but inscrutable.

JSngry: Is Neptune a Jimmy Knepper composition? Christiern: Your cheap shots are dumb and tedious.

I most vehemently PROTEST DEEP's attempt to subsume my identity. Are you so craven in your need for Christiern's approval that you will cop to any LIE to induce him to grasp the "olive branch?" (I'm starting to wonder about the symbolism here.) Be a MAN! Christiern is a prig not worthy of your toadying. I am the egg-man, YOU are the walrus, koo-koo-ker-choo.

Vociferous Vitriol, Vile Venom, Prancing Paranoia, Flagitious Flagellation, Inflated Indignation, Black Widows, Outing and NIFTY GRAPHICS! Ya gotta love this place! B-3er, I take back my comparison of you to a schoolmarm--You're a fuckin' RINGMASTER! And btw, Randissimo, my "mansion" is a rented crackerbox in southern Pennsylvania. Lurking in the shadows, in a closet, anonymous, double-posting--whatever. To paraphrase Rodney King, "Can't we all just NOT get along?" "And the Word became Flesh and dwelt among us..." I'm not trying to be blasphemous, Z (HE LIVES!) just SHARING.

Christiern, I made the reference to "prudish" in responding to B-3er's "welcome." DEEP seems to have mistakenly attributed it to you. You've demonstrated overwhelmingly to me, at least, that you are no prude. Can you see any evidence in these various posts that I am not DEEP? Conn500 said it best, though it hurts to admit, I am "harmless and hapless." Wanna pile on with "feckless?"

Conn500, As usual, you are the voice of reason. I certainly don't want to trash B-3er's property (?) or sensibilities, BUT-- how you gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they've seen Paree? I love this place; NO CENSORSHIP! Is this some kind of HOMEWORK assignment? "Now, class, I want you to write an essay on JAZZ, nothing else. Points will be DEDUCTED for inappropriate comments. Points will be AWARDED for political correctness and 'tastefulness'..." Bleeeaaah! DEEP, So who's really selling suppositories? Thanks for clue-ing me in to the picture of Bessie near Christiern's name. HE's selling something, YOU'RE selling something, B-3er's selling something. My amateur status is intact.

What can you say except that Christiern's simply paranoid. I'd tell everyone how to prove that DEEP and I aren't the same, but I don't know how that works, technologically speaking. And, as I said on that other thread, I think we all are freed up by a minimal degree of anonymity. Let's just play it as it lays. Patty, I've got a teenager who uses "word" and tried to define it to me. I don't get it, but think it's something like our generation's original use of "like," vaguely affirmative, I guess. It's tough getting old and square.

B-3er, Thanks for the personal welcome. I've just come back from another thread hereabouts that concerns politics. I'd tell you which one, but then I'd lose track of this present post. (I don't call myself "The Groper" for nothing; the computer is still an alien device to me.) I'm a little baffled about these accusations that DEEP and I are one and the same. There's a certain similarity to our politics, but our styles are totally different. I really didn't visit this site to engage in "dirty talk." I was surfing (awkwardly) last week and discovered a jazz BB. Seeing that it wasn't limited to music only, I've participated because it's lively, provocative and humorous. DEEP unloads on everyone, particularly me this morning, so I take that as a backhanded compliment. I feel comfortable with the badinage, so let's not be prudish--OK, Master of All He Surveys?

Aren't DEEP and Patty adorable? She so coy, he so straightforward--We need PICTURES of each, discreet or otherwise. This "cerebral gentleman" yields to a match of Titans! BTW, UGA--I really admire Nixon for his willingness to take a hit for the team in Latin America.

Conn500, Thanks for the comradely words, but don't weep for me. My eyes were wide open in each case and in two cases SHE divorced ME. In my third divorce I did indeed take a hit, but am currently receiving ALIMONY (That's SPOUSAL SUPPORT to you, Patty.) from my last misadventure. I guess you could say that that ex is subsidizing this quite pleasurable MENTAL MASTURBATION.

Patty, I'm feeling guilty. I've been dismissive of you and you don't deserve it. You certainly can hold your own, so I want to take one more shot at reasoned debate. Last night I read two excellent articles in the Jan./Feb. Atlantic Monthly by James Fallows and Kenneth Pollack re: (respectively) the preparations for PEACE following the Iraq war and the intelligence upon which the decision to go to war was based. Both authors are critical of the Bush administration and I don't agree with their conclusions, but the point I want to make is that neither one of them offered any evidence of LYING. Fallows makes the argument that various agencies of the U.S. government, the military and non-governmental organizations included, recognized the possibility of war well in advance of hostilities and studied and prepared for the aftermath, but that the administration did not implement this planning. I think this is a defensible position. In the matter of intelligence, Pollack presents an insider's (he was an intelligence analyst during the Clinton administration) view of what was known and suspected re: WMD going back to the era preceding the first Gulf War through the inspections in the '90's, the end of inspections in '98, Hans Blix, etc. He states the obvious: EVERYBODY (including the French and the Germans) KNEW that The Sodomizer had them and had used them. The problem was that much of what was known came through the inspections and that the ejection of the inspectors in '98 left a gaping hole in the accumulation of intelligence. Pollack also theorizes that about '96 The Sodomizer changed his strategy of deception to appear that he had COMPLETELY abandoned his WMD when, in fact, his program was largely DORMANT. Remember that The Sodomizer was desperate to get the sanctions from Gulf I lifted, so he was hedging his bets to divide the opposition. The term INTELLIGENCE is misleading. It suggests COMPREHENSION, or COMPLETENESS. Let's just say that some of the pieces to the puzzle were missing. What remained was a very ugly picture. You can't precisely read or predict a person's or a REGIME'S motives or timing, but you can deduce certain things from past behavior. The Bush administration has not wilfully misconstrued the "intelligence," such as it was. They dealt decisively with a THREAT, imminent or not. Here's the part you and so many others refuse to acknowledge: the Iraqi people are free, the Middle East has an opportunity as a whole to move in a more democratic direction, the U.S. and its allies are more secure and there is one less potential sanctuary for Al Qaeda. Be happy! BTW I believe the U.S.'s policy vis a vis the Shiites is that Iraq needs a constitution before elections can be considered legitimate. That may be wrong, I concede, but at least it's rational.

DEEP Full disclosure--I did fuck one of my ex-wives the other night. (She was on the way to a rendezvous with some new guy, who turned out to be a bust. I will say in the way of sexual boasts that NONE of my ex's has ever remarried. Interpret that any way you like.) Anyway, I might as well have been at a PTA meeting, hence my (re)confirmed hibernation. The blinding white light of revelation just hit me! DEEP and Patty are meant for each other! The sexual tension is palpable. You go, girl! And let none call it rape.

Re: This Wanton Thread (Thank you, Conn 500) My five wives came in three different races. They were all demanding, but the one who was the least demanding let me do the thinking for both of us. Now Patty, before you launch into one of your tirades against testosterone, think about the concept of marital harmony. How do you achieve that ideal? It's been elusive for me, I admit, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't include the constant impugning of your partner's motives or endless argumentation to score points. It does include finding intimacy through non-verbal cues in the bedroom and all other areas. May I suggest, ever so gently, that you exhibit certain--ahem--male characteristics, combined with your egregious female characteristics. I've met many women like you in this respect. They want to join the boys' club, but then they want to dictate the rules. They want to feminize us. Some guys have been falling for this Trojan horse gambit since "women's lib" propaganda began, but those guys don't seem to realize they are profoundly, DEEPLY, pussy-whipped. I hate to generalize, BUT most of your type are WHITE, IMHO. One of our (read Western Society's) most serious weaknesses is the institution of marriage--now (d)evolved into tiny battles for primacy, i.e conflict vs. harmony. And the CHILDREN be damned. BTW, I did have one good marriage, referred to above, but she died. I mention that just so you don't think I am a misogynist. I love women who love men, not those who want to BE men. Conn500: "flagitious"? Evelyn--WOW! Point taken. DEEP: Your boastful regaling of your exploits is disgusting, puerile, intemperate, condescending and hilarious. HOWEVER--I remain in confirmed hibernation.