The Red Menace

Perhaps you should, perhaps you shouldn't. Simply know that I will be keeping my eye on you!!!

I will be a moderator!!! And I shall rule with great fairness and consideration, not to mention simplicity... just as my mentor did!!!

What?!? Egads!!! Comrade Weizen has escaped from Camp Re-Education and Egalitarian Paradise!!! Comrade, you simply must return at once... we have not finished re-distributing your imported mini-LP wealth!!! (Not to mention that you'll miss tomorrow's exciting singalong session of tractor anthems!!!)

YES, COMRADE, BUT WE HAVE THE T-34S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you look closely you can see my good friend Nikolai sitting atop one of them, proudly brandishing a pristine copy of the Buddy Bolden cylinder.

From the Dec. 3 issue:

Comrade, you misread my profile--I have 2508 posts. Nevertheless I thank you!!! And shall toil harder to reach the summit of which you speak.

No, comrades, the above title is not a joke. Given our occasional tendency to squabble amongst ourselves like splinter Trotskyite groups, I post this thread with high hopes that it will provide a unifying point of departure for excess scorn, derision, and less-than-good-humored anger! The Weather Channel Presents the Best of Smooth Jazz

What??? Rest assured that I have reported this counterrevolutionary heresy to the proper authorities, and even as we speak--er, post--apparatchiks are busily stripping away all audio and Internet references to either Organissimo or Comrade Lowe from our vast media empire. To show that we are a benevolent rather than vengeful vanguard, however, we are offering you re-education classes at a 50% discount if you enroll now... and we'll even throw in a free Nina Totenberg coffeemug!!! As for Comrade Clem, he is an extremely talented and insightful fellow who has a tendency to get a wee bit cutting at times in his zestful commentary. I do not wish to see him fall victim to any purge, self-inflicted or otherwise--perhaps a few counseling sessions with our own resident Achtung! Dr. Freud Calling might be just the ticket for working out those energetic ripostes!!

Er... no he doesn't. My ghostly comrade tells me he has again lost the ability to post and is once more encountering that infuriating message!!!

Comrades! Pardon the old-school Soviet intrusion... a, er, "good friend" is having a terrible time gaining access to the board. From several different computers now, he has encountered the following message when trying to log in under his Organissimo name and password: Said board member and board administrator have been unable to determine the problem. After this message pops up, the forum becomes completely inaccessible, no matter what browser is used; the above message greets one no matter what portal is attempted for entry. Any ideas? Browser caches have been cleared, etc., and yet the problem persists.

Would not Red Menace view Siberia as a similar opportunity? Siberia, comrade, is a blissful state of mind, where one has plentiful time to contemplate the foolishness and waste of feverish, hyperconsumerist late-capitalism obsessions and pursuits that only feed upon themselves in never-ending vampiristic cycles of gnawing hunger and seething human torment!!! Displaced idol worship that thrives on destructive denial of the here and now, in quest instead of illusory immortality that shall never be gained, no matter what delusions of grandeur we may foster in the templehouse of the magnificent-but-sadly-desecrated brainpan!!! OTOH I still find myself craving a final "pad" such as this... alas, I cannot help myself:

And let us not forget the Hardest Working Man in Snow Business!!!

Jumping jihadis, comrades, is this some kind of a ransom note??? Has this lad made off with Mr. Cuscuna??? On another note, I must report that my young nephew once told me to never, ever take the "green acid." Can somebody explain to me what the dickens he meant???

Yes, comrades, it is indeed my birthday, and I am quite drunk, having delved into my personal stock of Stolichnaya set aside for special occasions. If only my young nephew would stop playing that annoying song--"They say it's your birthday, it's my birthday too," or some such repetitive rubbish. I fear I may soon go mad!!! Quite fortunately he gave me a cunning new device called an Eye-Pod, and I have loaded it up with some of my favorite Shostakovich string quartets. And now back to my Stolichnaya!!!

Enjoy some early jazz and the very nice Nation subscription that I am sending to you!!!

But... but comrade, your party does not believe in evolution!!! Which makes that t-shirt highly problematic. And now back to my late-late-early-mid-afternoon-evening cocktail.

Comrade!!! Long live the long revolution!!! And long live the Reptet!!!

I knew you're a sleeping soviet agent in the forum. I resemble that remark!!! And now back to my mid-mid-morning nap.

What about Ginger and Maryanne???

What film is that from? MG Film??? That is a snapshot I took at last year's NYC hang!!! And now back to perusing my IAJE souvenirs.

Ah, my old friend, do you not remember the snapshot you took of me as we fled the burning environs of our former board together??? Those cursed Blue Note running dogs!!! But we have established the true workers' paradise here, have we not??? Still, I had to raise my flag over that ravaged wasteland one last time... And now back to my late-late-early-mid-late afternoon vodka.

So you're also familiar with the goings on at JC? What is your handle there? "Monte Smith."

Like a column of T-34 tanks!!! Word reached me that Achtung Dr. Freud Calling was attempting to mount a coup... so I moved quickly to "liberate" my fellow posters!!!

Pssttt, comrade... Charlie Parker's Complete Dial and Savoy Masters. At BMG... make haste, my boy!!!

Oh my stars, comrades, is this turning into a thread about Mr. Dolan??? How very JC!!! Now, if his comments prove to be too counterrevolutionary, then I say we simply have him shot!!! Futhermore, I say that ALL posters with percentages over 90% in politics be shot!!! (Er, um, well... perhaps we should table that last proposition.) What I demand to know is this: what does Mr. Dolan think of my favorite band the Beach Boyz???